Sleep advice?...

[Charlie4491]

Hi! I need advice

I have a 3 year old daughter and a 10 week old son...my daughter now finally sleeps well and through the night (wakes in the night on the odd occasion). When she was a baby she was a nightmare to get to bed, from about 1 years old I would have to get her to sleep being g cuddled then put her to bed because if I put her in the cot she would just cry until I picked her up (and she could cry for England). As she grew older we changed the cot to a toddler bed she would get out of bed every time she woke in the night and would be at her baby gate crying and calling for us. In the end getting a full night sleep was worse than having a newborn baby (when she was 2). We tried letting her cry until she went back to bed but sh would just cry and cry and in the end she would be so wound up that she couldn’t get to sleelp. We tried going in putting her to bed without speaking to her, but we couldn’t get out of the room before she got to the door again, in the end I would get up with her and lay next to her in her bed, but then every time she woke and I was gone she would call me back in. Finally I managed to get her to sleep by just reading until she nodded off, and over time the night time awakenings calmed down. I blame myself for it taking all this time but I don’t know how to do things differently.
I worry about my 10 week old I don’t want things to go the same way.. I find myself doing his evening tummy time/play bottles nappy change, feed then he will sleep then il take him up to bed. At what age should I start putting him to bed, (we have a monitor in our room near his bed) and how should I approach it. Do I let him cry or do I comfort him without cuddling him until he sleeps? Tonight he was fussing in his bed I tried stroking his head I tried holding his hand tried to let him have a bit of a cry but he wouldn’t settle until I cuddled him. Is this a typical new baby thing and I’m being too strict, or have I already shot my self in the foot with cuddling him to sleep...
I’m happy to do whatever it takes and I always want both kids to go to sleep feeling loved and happy.. same time I need some sort of rest and I don’t want to have the same issues I had with my daughter.

Sorry if it’s long winded....any advice I would be so grateful

Remember the Safe Sleep advice to prevent SIDS is all sleep in same room as you (or another adult) til at least 6 mo.

He's still in the fourth trimester, he's tiny and not really ready even to be outside of you yet, just CUDDLE HIM

Oh yes 100% he sleeps next to me in my room in his own bed, and when he does go into his own room at 6 months, if I feel that’s even long enough he may stay with me for longer, we have a cctv monitor AND a movement monitor under his mattress so I take his safety very seriously, that’s not my query. I am just concerned about how I’m getting him to sleep. If I cuddle him to sleep every night is this good for him, is he going to require this every night for years to come, is he going to think this is how i go to sleep. Basically I’m not trying to put things into place just yet as I’m still enjoying him as a baby, but I don’t want to make any mistakes now that will backfire in the future, I just want some idea of how other mums have taught their babies to self settle (after 6 months).

I would just go with it for now, he is young. And thats coming from me who obsesses about my sons sleep. Its true what people say, they learn to settle to sleep when they are ready and then there are so many regressions...my DS has self settled since 6months with very little intervention. Previous to that he napped on me every day and was fed to sleep in the next to me cot. That said we are now at 8 months and he is having a little wobble (though now where near as bad). At 10 weeks I dont think you need to worry at all.

Hi Charlie, one thing to do if you’re not already is introduce more sleep associations. So when you cuddle him to sleep, he has a Muslin or snuggly toy, you say the same things or play the same musical toy. The idea is that as time goes on, he won’t be as dependent on being cuddled to sleep as he still has the muslin/ snuggly, and sleep music from the toy which he will associate with getting sleepy. Hope that makes sense, take care.

Thank you for your tips, that does sound like a really good idea! I might give it a go, start using a teddy or muslin now like you say And hopefully that’ll be his bit of comfort when I have to put him down to bed when he goes to his own room. I guess then it’s something farmiliar to them.

Definitely! It’s so tough at this stage and I know I had to keep reminding myself that he’s still a newborn! Tricky when you’re juggling an older child too.
I’ve just done a course on sleep so I’m really interested in finding strategies to help even from the teeny tiny stage!

Ps congratulations on your little one!

Hi Charlie,
It sounds like you went through a lot with your daughter and nobody was happy.... and then she ended up sleeping better at the age they do it naturally anyway.

So this time my personal advice would be to save yourself an immense amount of grief and don't bother trying to put a 6 month old in their own room at all, let alone worry about putting a 10 week old "to bed" in a room by themselves (i.e. in cot in your room) if they're not ready. Just keep baby with you and napping in the evening, stay sleeping together at night– even bed-sharing safely– and roll with it. Get as much extra sleep as you can, adjust your evenings, and enjoy being close and cuddling. Sleep association items aren't always going to do anything either if what they want it to be close to you. Babies who are kept close cry less on average anyway.

You will clearly not be 'making a rod' or setting up bad associations, because you did all the stuff that's supposed to sleep train with your daughter, but as you're found out, it just doesn't 'work' on all children (I'd argue it doesn't even 'work' on the children who do sleep but that's another topic). Some won't ever self-settle and need help until much later than 6 months or even well over a year. If it was awful with your eldest, then try a completely different approach.
Good luck

Yes I see what you are saying, I guess you can try and make everything perfect but in reality That doesn’t always happen. I tried so hard with my daughter and it felt almost impossible to get her to settle and make a routine. I think we went wrong by not making a routine up earlier... although she was difficult I guess she has been our ‘guinea pig’ so we have learnt some lessons on the way! And I can’t complain because she’s a good sleeper now and it’s come just at the right time!