Nine month old baby still needs rocking to sleep

[hattoncat]

Our 9.5 month old little boy has never been a good sleeper. He is unable to fall asleep on his own (he needs rocking) and can not transition between sleep cycles. He always wakes up stressed from any nap and looks terrified when he wakes. I have read so many sleep books, been to a peadiatrician, cranial osteopath, GP and health visitor. All tell us to 'put him down awake' and 'let him cry' and all the other sleep training solutions. We have tried it all but he gets so, so, stressed when left to cry and we are sure that is causing more harm than good.

For the first 7 months we, literally, woke up up every 40 minutes to an hour and tried to settle him.

Now he occasionally gets through the first couple of hours in his own room but then we battle to get him back down so have resorted to bed sharing and feeding lying down to get through the night.

In the daytime and at bedtime we rock him to sleep but he is getting very strong and now tugs at my hair, kicks and flails and physically it is getting impossible.

He has a good routine in line with all yhe guidance.

I go back to work in two months time. I need to get him falling asleep in his cot on his own before I put him in childcare but I have no idea how to gently teach him how to fall asleep on his own.

If anyone can empathise or share some tips that would be great.

Thanks!

Was cuddling 3yo DD to sleep until 2, when she went in the cot bed. I still snuggle with her until she falls asleep now, and when we were on holiday I got in her bed with her to cuddle. She's getting a single bed soon and I still intend to lie on the bed with her as long as she wants me. (My mum thinks it is unhygeinic to lie on her bed, ffs)
Keep doing what he needs OP, or if he is flailing, maybe he isn't tired enough. I am no expert though.
You'll find nursery will be able to do some sort of magic and he'll sleep without rocking there. Or they will rock him, they won't just leave him.

Hi there,
Please don't think your baby isn't a "bad sleeper" he's totally normal. Needing help to fall asleep is totally normal, as is needing help to go between cycles. It's so sad that many 'experts' have made you believe otherwise.
Sleep training by crying isn't advised before 12 months and if you think it's doing harm, then stop.

How he sleeps when with you is one question, and I would say look into gentle/responsive parenting to help him experience naps and sleep as a positive thing. You never have to leave a baby to cry, they will all sort themselves out eventually, if just takes time.

Co-sleeping/bed-sharing and feeding lying down aren't things to feel you have failed about, they're nature's best triks to help you all get sleep. Use them to the max day and night- the milk hormones released will help both of you sleep, and he won't wake alone and be extra distressed.

I don't have experience of a young baby at nursery, but I do understand that they are very used to this and will do what it takes to gently help him sleep. From reading other posts by nursery workers they say often babies will fall asleep quite differently to how they do at home.
And actually, I know they often use slings for younger babies- have you tried this for yourselves? It was a life-saver for us when feeding to sleep didn't work. 4-6 weeks is enough time to get him used to falling asleep while being carried- either in a wrap, sling or soft carrier.
Good luck and try to relax a bit - your baby is doing his best to learn how to sleep; they need gentle support and help and will get there by themselves even if it takes into toddlerhood.

obvious typo in 1st sentence : please don't think he IS a bad sleeper!

I need to get him falling asleep in his cot on his own before I put him in childcare but I have no idea how to gently teach him how to fall asleep on his own.

At the age your DS is, I'd go the 3-sided cot route. Remove one side off your cot (easily done with an allen key with most cots) and wedge it up to the side of your bed.

The first transition will be going from fully awake to sleep in the cot, being cuddled by you lying on your bed next to the cot, not rocking to sleep. This will be time consuming and involve crying. But critically you will be right there cuddling and comforting through the tears.

Once you've worked through stopping being rocked you sleep, then reduce the dependancy on your closeness by gradually increasing the level of cuddling needed.