8 year old DSD struggles to sleep

[Digitallife27]

My DSD struggles to settle for sleep so badly. I've spoken to her mum and it's the same at her house too.

We do bathtime and then she's in her PJs winding down in bed from 7.30pm. She gets to read a book for a bit then DH goes up to do bedtime stories with her until 8.15/8.30pm. Normally we put on audiobooks (cd - which last an hour) and once that finishes it's off. However, I have suggested to DH about switching that to just chilled out music so she isn't spending her time concentrating on the story rather than getting sleepy.

Basically from when the audiobook goes on at 8.30pm she's up and down the stairs until nearly 10pm for one thing or another. We leave a small cup of water up by her bed in case. Once she went to the toilet and a minute later went again so my DH went up to tell her off. Though we don't want to put her off going to the toilet, that situation was pretty ridiculous as she hasn't actually gone the first time round.

The only times that she has actually settled early-ish was when I told her that we were going to bed (at 9pm) and we actually went to bed so she had to stay in her room and try and settle to sleep.

Her mum said that she checks on her every 5 minutes or so at their house. Not sure if this is helping really as maybe she's come to rely on the regular checking?

Any suggestions on how to reduce the getting In and out of bed situation and get an earlier bedtime?!

She sometimes struggles to wake up in the morning and other times it's because my DD chatting in her cot (or crying) in the morning wakes her up. She's tired in the day and seems a bit proud at times when she says that she nods off during school sometimes (not sure if that's true though) 🤷‍♀️

Also we don't expect her to be asleep as soon as dad finishes stories but we expect her to start being in a winding down state. By 9pm she's really obviously tired (sleepy eyes, bags, groggy) but will still come out of her room and go downstairs which then wakes her up

It sounds like a long time ‘winding down’, would possibly staying up a bit later, story downstairs then bed and lights out/storytape be better?

If the checking every 5 minutes works, could you do this but gradually extend it?

If she was just getting up for the toilet and not bothering anyone, I would have left her to it.

Stories can be a great way to get to sleep, especially if the same ones so I would just put it on repeat rather than limit her to an hour. It could be really stressful for her knowing that she’s got to get to sleep before that hour otherwise it’s off, it’s lots of pressure to fall asleep! Could you tell her that she can have as long story tape as she needs but any messing about, coming downstairs, etc, it goes off?

Does she fall asleep quickly if someone sits in her room? If she goes asleep in say 10/15 mins with someone sitting with her I would do that but can understand you don’t want to be sat there for an hour or something!

The coming out of her room downstairs, can someone sit outside the room / upstairs to send her straight back. Just to break the habit. I understand it’s harder as she doesn’t live with you all the time.

Have you asked her what she finds hard, why she gets out of bed?

@littledinaco we've tried letting her stay downstairs until 8pm after her bath but then she's not really winding down as she asks to watch something on YouTube or something which DH allows. We normally stop screen time from 6pm or when dinner is ready. Whichever is first. This relates to the advice of doctors when she was having bed wetting issues.

DH or I do check up on her but do it every 10-15 minutes. He's got work to do in the evenings and I'm doing all the house stuff I haven't had chance to do in the day (I don't get how people manage it before having a decent bedtime themselves!)

Its a difficult one re the cd, sometimes when we go up she's just sat up in bed rather than lying down. DH decided on the cd is on once and then we let it run its course type of thing. We have tried the whole "wel if you're getting out of bed lots then cd goes off" thing but it stresses her out which doesn't help.

No she doesn't really settle with someone in the room. She just ends up chatting and getting animated. She definitely does that with me when I've done bedtime so I just leave it to tough ol' dad who can tell her to settle / chat but knows when to stop.

Well, DH is usually on his computer which is by the stairs so he knows when she's gotten out of bed but also she's pretty heavy footed so we can hear movement when it happens so we do go straight up when it happens.

It differs, sometimes she's got a bad tummy or she's thirsty, the loo, the normal usual scared, she's lonely, she misses DH's old house where we used to all share a room as it was a one bedroom, she's worried about school work, she's too hot, she's too cold! (Window gets opened or I dug out a blanket once so she didn't use her duvet)

...so basically she's just thinks a lot when she's in bed which doesn't help her wind down. I tried explaining to her how sometimes hugging a teddy and thinking of nice things can help you Relax and fall asleep.

I found the audio books kept mine awake, waiting to see what happened. I stopped them and allowed her to read or draw. That seemed to settle her better.

Can you check every 5 mins but gradually reduce it over a long period?

If she’s scared/worried/lonely you could try a worry doll or a fairy worry hand or something. Or get her to write her worries down and you can talk about them in the morning or have a little talk before bed asking if there’s anything bothering her. Sit and draw together/write a story is a good way of getting worries out and stopping her mind going into overdrive when she gets into bed.

Once it’s bedtime though, if she’s getting up keep saying ‘bedtime now, go to sleep’ keep it very boring and low key, don’t get into any discussions. If she’s asking questions, keep saying ‘we’ll talk about it in the morning, go to sleep’.

I was a real worrier in bed at that age and used to feel really worried and lonely. I did the same, chatting when my mum/dad sat with me-I think it was to try and prolong them going but obviously just made them cross! I used to listen to story tapes and found the same ones helped me sleep but a new one I would stay awake for the story as pp said.

Does she get enough physical exercise? This can make a massive difference. Walk/bike ride/park before or after tea maybe.