Baby won’t sleep anywhere but on me

[Newmum987]

Hi,
I’m new to Mumsnet. My 5 day old baby won’t sleep at night anywhere except on my chest after a feed. During the day he will occasionally sleep in the carseat or a sleepyhead. However at night he just screams the instant I put him down. I can’t even go to the toilet unless I’m holding him. So far I’ve tried:

• white noise
• swaddling
• hot water bottle in sleepyhead so it’s not too cold
• staying with him and my hand on his chest to settle him
• putting one of my tops in his sleepyhead so it smells of me

None of the above have worked. On a couple of occasions on two nights I have got him to sleep like this for an hour or two but otherwise he instantly screams and doesn’t stop unless I pick him up and settle him in my arms. I can’t even safely co sleep wih him as he screams even beside me on the matress. Any advice or anyone been through the same? Thanks :)

It is tough for a newborn as they don't know where they are, where their body ends and yours begins. Six days ago he was part of your body all snug and secure in your tummy. I found swaddling helped as well as anything that closely replicated being held. While he is a newborn do whatever you can to get through and don't stress. Do you have anyone who can take over for a bit to give you some rest?

First of all, well done your doing a great job! Tryouts be all those things is impressive. It does get easier, I'm 3 weeks in and my baby girl was the same.

Are you breast feeding? The breast feeding Heath visitor told me the reason for this want to sleep on our chest in the early hours of the am is because this is when our best milk comes in and they can smell it on us.

I did this for one night, used one of those sling things to tie my baby to my chest, propped myself up with pillows in bed so I was sitting up. One under each arm. Then I slept with her on my chest with no fear of her falling off or me rolling over. I was still terrified as you hear all sorts about co-sleeping but it meant I got a whole 2 hours sleep in a row! After that I felt a lot better.

Does your baby sleep in the day? If so in these early days allow ur days and nights to go inside out and also sleep in the day.we have had a growth spurt an had to do thus also for 2 days. Tonight she slept for 4 hours in a row!! So there is hope that it does get better.

Also I'm combination feeding, I find giving my baby formula at night keeps her fuller for longer. I also give her extra to keep her going through a good sleep. It's not always recommended to give combination feed but my baby lost a lot of weight so had to start giving her formula.

I hope this helps, if not just know your doing a great job and congrats on your new baby xx

Oh also I used a rolled up towel under the bed sheet to make her extra cosy in her Moses basket. They did this in the hospital, it's like making a little nest for them so they feel extra secure.

Mine is 12 weeks now but he was the same as yours to start with. I just had to let him sleep on me and managed it as safely as I could.

As pp said, I did most of my sleeping in the day or early evening if my husband could settle him or take him in the pram/car.

The clinginess lasted maybe the first two weeks and then he gradually started doing longer stretches on his own - hang in there, it will get easier soon!

This pic won't give you any solutions but explains why your baby doesn't want to be put down... google 'The 4th Trimester'. It will pass.

Mine was like that at that stage. She still doesn't like being on her back.

What your baby is doing is very much the norm. The No Cry Sleep Solution has some suggestions to reduce ‘arm sleeping’ but these are gradual steps not overnight cures. Congratulations on your new baby!

Congratulations OP!

Can I ask what you try to put baby down in at night?

We had a Moses and a Snuz, DD wouldn't settle in the snuz for the first month but would the Moses. So we brought that up each night. She was so little I think the Snuz was just too big at that stage !

The only other thing I could suggest is sometimes they don't like being completely flat, can you prop one end up to give a slight tilt?

It’s normal, it is killer but it will pass.

Thank you so much everyone, it’s so reassuring when you hear that it’s not just you! You hear people say that you shouldn’t do certain things as bad habits will form but I can’t help bit think these poor little people are so helpless and the world outside the womb must be very scary for them.

I managed to get a few hours of on/off rest with him on me, whilst I was really supported with pillows (that were nowhere near his face) but felt like I was waking up every 2 minutes to check on him .

My husband is helping so much but in the small hours of the night there’s nothing he can do when the baby only wants me. It doesn’t make sense for us both yo be awake so I’ve ordered him to sleep in the spare room so he can be more rested the next day and allow me to nap in the day whilst he looks after the baby. Strangely he will settle with his Dad in the day but not in the evening. He’ll happily sleep approx two hours in the day but wil only do that at night if he’s on me. Maybe that’s due to what the previous poster mentioned about smelling the milk?

I can’t thank you all enough for the advice and reassurance :)

It’s very very normal for a 5 day old. However, please don’t think that you can go to the toilet/shower/make a quick snack. Put the baby somewhere safe, and just do what you need to do. 5 minutes crying really won’t hurt them and you need to do those things to take care of yourself.

Just a quick thing to add, I have been trying to tire my baby out in the day. Not sure it works but last night I got 8 hours sleep with only 1 feed in the middle.

I've been doing:

1. Baby yoga (found tutorial on YouTube)
2. Baby massage
3. Naked baby time (on a mat with a towel to help with nappy rash) whilst listening to music
4. Play on play mat
5. Put in bouncy chair
6. Read a baby book

I spend about 10 mins on each one, takes up a lot of time but I enjoy it and it seems to stimulate my baby enough that she gets tired and sleeps after.

I will add my house is a mess and I haven't showered in 2 days but I will sacrifice that for 8 hours sleep any day!

I had the same thing; I tried every suggestion known to man and nothing worked! So I gave up and just slept propped up with him on my chest every night (for 5 months ). I just made sure that he was so securely wedged in with cushions that he couldn't go anywhere; we both used to sleep brilliantly

You can't get them into bad habits when they are so little - they are literally existing and you are nice warm snuggly mummy, vs cold strange bed. Why wouldn't he cry? You just need to gradually get him used to the cot and it will happen. Get through the first few months as best you can! Ah I miss those newborn snuggles (but not the killer sleep deprivation!).

Hello,
As others have said this is normal. I'd advise learning to wrap ASAP for daytimes when everyone will be happier- you absolutely don't have to leave a newborn crying to go to the toilet if you use wraps or stretchy slings. Check out your local sling group on facebook or via NCT/mum group, and also you can learn entirely from online tutorials, I recommend Wrap You In Love on youtube. Loads of really cheap pre-loved woven wraps and stretchy ones on facebook groups too, try Babywearing FSOT.

For night-time, are you breastfeeding? If so, then learning to feed lying down on your side will give you an excellent chance of getting him to sleep next to you rather than on your chest. They've got tiny mouths when this young, so it might take a bit of time to get the hang of it.

Otherwise, I'd say for survival do the propping up thing you mention. It's not as dangerous as sofa sleeping because the baby won't fall down a gap or get wedged between cushions. We had to do this for a couple of weeks when there was a weird reflux episode (thankfully it sorted itself). I would feed partly sitting up and then slide down so my elbows and arms were totally propped up by firm folded cloths (actually baby wraps!), and the baby was in the crook of my arm, which couldn't move. There was no way I wouldn't turn over without waking myself up so it didn't feel unsafe as long as I couldn't actually move, and there was no way that the baby could shoft or be covered up by anything.

Thanks for all these great suggestions. I will definitely try them and feel a lot happier about sleeping propped up if needed. It seems to be just between 12-4am that he gets stressed, he then works himself up and won’t stay latched on even though he’s really great at doing it normally. I think I just have to ride it out which is something I’m willing to do to maintain breastfeeding. We’ve had a lot more success settling him in the day in his pram and sleepyhead. Hopefully that will transfer to night time!! Thank you all again 😊

My little boy was the same, I co slept holding him in my arms on my side (no pillows duvet etc) and breastfeeding. It worked very well.