Newborn won't sleep at night, losing my mind

[Bojangles33]

He's only 5 days old, I know they need a lot of comfort but he sleeps absolutely fine in the day, in his carrycot, crib, wherever. At night he WILL NOT SLEEP.

I have been breastfeeding but also giving formula when I need a break - his latch hasn't been great so my nipples are sore. It's getting better though. He's back up to birth weight so is feeding ok.

In the day he feeds every two hours or so which is fine and I know it will be frequent at this age. He sleeps soundly afterwards though. At night I'm finding I'm having 4-5 hour stretches where he is wide awake and can't settle. I've ended up just feeding continuously because I don't know what else to do, but tonight I'm thinking he isn't even really feeding, just sucking for comfort. I've given him a dummy which seems to be helping but he can't keep it in so keeps waking up. I just don't know what to do, he must be as tired as me. I just feel like I am doing everything wrong and that if I make the wrong decisions now it is going to haunt me for the next year of sleepless nights because I've set a bad precedent. I tried formula to settle him for longer but it hasn't seemed to make any difference. Am I messing him up by doing breast and formula feeding? Will this improve if I just switch to formula? I'm not against that and have only been BFing for "convenience" but if it's causing this then it's not very convenient!!

A lot of babies are quite nocturnal when so little, so I wouldn’t worry too much, and things will change week to week, even day by day. If you are finding it really hard you could consider swaddling or co-sleeping.
Also, do you have a partner? If so get them to have baby downstairs when baby has a sleepy patch in the evening or early morning so that you get an ‘off duty’ recharge.
I also find it useful to not check the time when I’m up with baby in the night, so I’m not getting worked up about the sleep I’m missing out on.

Day 5 for me was the worst- he fed all night and I was at my wits end but it was totally expected abd midwife said it will never be that bad again.
When is Mwife visiting? I would ask to check for tongue tie to rule that out. Tiny babies will cluster feed and your baby is only days old- establishing a breast feeding supply at this stage is expected. I would continue with the Breastfeeding if it was me- it’s relentless at first and no it’s not convenient for you at all hours of the day at this stage - it’s convenient for the baby. Hand in there, you’ve got a newborn, they’re 24-7 first few weeks at least. And any worries about how you’re doing something will be magnified by the lack of sleep - there’s no way you are setting yourself up for bad habits or whatever on day 5 for how the rest of the year goes.

They feed a lot at that age to up your supply to their needs. Also they often have day/night confusion until approximately 6 weeks. I second naps whenever possible. Don't worry about housework and when your partner or anyone else who can help is home then ask them to take a shift for you to nap. Pump of you can.

Just in case you didn't know, formula feeds will mean baby is not putting in their order for breast milk, meaning they will fuss more as the supply won't be there. Just make sure you don't over supplement if you intend to ebf going forward. Kellymom.com is helpful for info.

Get some rest when you can

PS.

'Will this improve if I just switch to formula?' No, they still have growth spurts, etc. Everyone I know ff and said they had the same. I found bf easier whilst cosleeping as DC went back to sleep quicker and it's so much easier later on once past about 6 - 8 weeks but everyone is individual.

Remember, you're doing fab!!

Huge hugs for you. I'm up with my two week old twins... but I found nights 3 to 6 awful and it's been much better since. Keep going.

I'd be careful with formula and dummies, especially if your latch isn't perfect yet. They can get confused and not take your breast well. Formula won't make the baby sleep more, this is exactly what they do!

Have you got a bouncer chair? My baby would settle well in that even just to give hour arms a break! Ask your partner for help and remember this will pass. Your baby is so new and tiny; they just want mummy and don't know any better. It'll get Better, stick with it! Also second kellymom for breastfeeding advice!

Two of mine took a fortnight to get their days & nights the right way round. Daylight in the day (dont darken rooms for naps) & minimal artificial light at night helps them figure it out.

[I think 5 days is early to introduce a bottle your supply isnt established yet - the not really feeding type sucking is important as it tells your body to make more milk]

You cant force a baby to sleep all you can do is provide it as an option

Hopefully you're fast asleep by now...!

You're NOT doing anything wrong. As others have said, some babies are a bit nocturnal but it's likely to just be a phase. Don't doubt your feeding choice, just do what feels right for you.

And if you want a bit of light relief, try watching The Let Down on Netflix - the first episode is exactly your scenario so it may be a bit of black humour for you 😏

My DD didn’t settle at night until approx 7 weeks old. And I think that’s only because we got a sleepyhead.
At night she would only settle on me or DH. I would go to bed at 7/8pm and he would give her formula if she needed it before bringing her up to me at around midnight. We did this for around 4 weeks.
The rest of the time I breastfed but I did worry about supply issues. She refused a dummy.
At a month old she could have gripe water which really helped with her wind.
She is now exclusively breast fed and still feeds every 3/4 hours at night - hence why I’m up! I prefer to BF as it saves getting up in the night when she is crying from hunger to faff about making a bottle and waking my 3 year old. She slept no longer from the formula than breast milk.
As PPs have said, sleep when Baby sleeps whenever you can. If you have anyone to help in the day do it. My mum used to take DD for short walks which helped even if I only got half an hours rest.
I’d use a sling at night to settle her. It was the only way and sometimes slept with her on me in it. Not safe and definitely not recommended but neither was looking after 2 of them on no rest.
It does get better and nothing you do now will have any lasting impact whatsoever.

I had this with DS recently around the 6/7 day marker, he cluster fed for 2 nights. It was at the point where my milk was coming in. It nearly broke me as you start to panic thinking they will never sleep at night.

As soon as my milk came in he went back to sleeping longer stretches at night again! As other people have said you're not doing anything wrong just keep doing what you're doing and eventually he'll sleep again at night! Keep feeding him as much as he looks for it as the cluster feeding is helping your milk come in. Nap as much as you can during the day, forget everything else for now.

Congratulations! The day/night confusion can last a couple of weeks. While in the womb you moving about during the day lulled baby to sleep and he was probably more active when you were asleep because he wasn't getting 'rocked' to sleep. He now need to transition that. Try to stick with the breastfeeding. So much easier when they wake to roll up your top and stick your boob in than have to hold a bottle (I'm far too lazy to bottle feed). It's really hard the first few weeks but you're doing fine. He's regained his birth weight which is brilliant!

It's awesome that he's regained his birth weight already - go you!

He doesn't know night and day yet, but he'll get there. You can do this!

Apparently there's an evolutionary reason for this. It was safer to feed a baby under shelter at night than during the day. Not much comfort, but at least there's a reason! I found I got much more sleep cosleeping.

As PP said, they feed at night when prolactin is highest - this helps to increase your supply of milk.

I co-slept/BFed both of mine, it's the only way to get decent sleep in the early days! DS2 still breastfeeds and he's just turned 2. It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job, keep going!!

New babies are nocturnal for a stint there. Its hard but it will pass, hang in there!

And I’d stick with breastfeeding if you can, it’s harder in the first few weeks but sooo much easier long run than faffing around with bottles at night.

Can anyone help you by cuddling bubs while you get some sleep?

Thanks so much for the replies. He eventually conked out around 5 and than had a couple of good sleeps with feeds every few hours. I think it's the panic that's getting to me more than anything, just questioning everything and worrying that if I make the "wrong" choices now and don't get it right then it will set me up for more trouble with sleeping. Then I feel guilty for spending so much time fretting and not being able to enjoy these precious early days with him. I'm trying to just spend some time cuddling him today instead of putting him down as soon as he's asleep, and hopefully the night times will improve with time.

I can't stop crying now though 😂

Ah bless you! Those first few weeks (months) are so tough. I'm 5 months in now and it definitely is easier! I co-sleep sometimes and my lo still sleeps longer curled up with me. I resisted doing it for so long cos I wanted the bed to be mine and DH's space but, if there's ever a next time, I'd co-sleep sooner as it isn't forever.

I think it's the panic that's getting to me more than anything, just questioning everything and worrying that if I make the "wrong" choices now and don't get it right then it will set me up for more trouble with sleeping.

Trust me you really really won't. If you haven't yet read about the "fourth trimester". This 12 weeks is all about him getting used to being on the outside of you and all you need to do is roll with it and do whatever makes life easiest/whatever you need to get through the day. For me that's always been bf and cosleeping. It's v common for babies to have their days and nights mixed up at first but they'll figure it out soon. Just treat feeding and caring for baby as your full-time job and get your partner to feed you and bring you lots of water. Drink plenty and try and get out in the fresh air for a short walk once a day if you're up to it, it helps.

Hang in there. We've all been there.

Ps. Both my cosleeping bf babies have been settled in their own cots/baskets by 3/4 months and bf gets so much easier and more comfy than faffing with bottles and boiling water.

I think day five is a famous day of crying (you not the baby!) as you hit the perfect storm of sleep deprivation and hormones, and the baby will feed for 24 hours. It will get better, don't worry about bad habits. If you can lay down when the baby naps then do, but don't look at the clock too much. Congratulations on your new baby!

OP there is no 'wrong' in terms of baby sleep, it changes every few days IME! Good luck with the hormone crash, it does get better after 24 hours or so

If I can offer more advice OP, relieve yourself of any pressure or guilt about to ‘enjoying’ this period. Newborns aren’t 24/7 enjoyable. They are 24/7 hard work. Just survive.

If you get it 'wrong' now, either time will fix it, you will find a gentle solution or worst case, when he is a few months older and a bit more used to being in the world you can have a few nights of tears while you get into a more structured routine.

In the meantime, let you both have a break, you've just given birth and are doing well and he's just opened his eyes for the first time and doing the same.
One thing I would note is that even with a good latch, you'll have sore nipples now, so if you want to use formula do, but otherwise just let him learn it. I mixed fed my first because I'd been given a lot of advice that she was hungry or it would help her settle, but it made little difference - second time I breastfed exclusively and she actually slept better, and by about 6 weeks old it was easily more convenient and cheaper. Plus, on a vain note, by the time dd2 was 4 months old I weighed 4lbs LESS than pre-pregnancy, so am definitely planning to bf this time too! 😉
Hope all improves and you are able to get rest. Sleeping when the baby sleeps is a cliche and can feel impossible but really is a good idea. If possible, you can feed, then hand over to your DP/mum/neighbour/baby swing, and have a shower or nap. Let someone else do all the cooking and cleaning for a bit - either family, friends, or deliveroo...

Hi all,

I'm going through something very similar. My 9 day old son has been very unsettled at night. I express during the day and give him formula at night. I keep worrying that maybe I'm not giving him enough to fill him up. He screams and sucks on his hands when he's hungry. Sometimes i'l feed him and 10 minutes later he's crying as though he hasn't had a feed for hours. It's so depressing and I can't stop crying. My husband is doing everything he can to make it easier for me especially since I had 2nd degree tears and internal stitches. I'm so embrassed to ask my sister's to help because I know they will hold it against me. I just want the best start for my little boy and I feel I'm not doing enough. I tried to breastfeed but my nipples were cracked, sore and bleeding so I stopped and express now.
I'm sorry to go on like this but after reading the comments I felt a little at ease knowing it's now just me.
If I had friends with kids maybe it would be easier to relate to someone. Thanks x

You cannot influence future sleep when a baby is tiny but as others have said, it is REALLY important for establishing your supply to feed at this age especially at night and also to avoid the hell of engorgement or mastitis.

@rose06
He doesn't yet know night from day, just wants to be close to you and they feed loads at this age as it's just growth spurt after growth spurt. Try to learn early hunger cues so you don't get to the point he's screaming, where it'll be a million times harder to feed him. I still shove a boob in DS mouth at the slightest whimper now at 11 mo to be honest. It isn't too late to establish BF if that's what you want to do but you might well need support, from a local group or consultant.