Sleep deprivation taking its toll - 14m

[Chosenbyyou]

Hi

Just struggling :(

Have a 3.5 yo who finally sleeps really well. Have a 14mo who sleeps badly.

14mo takes ages to go to sleep (do back pat) wakes a couple of times a night and then is up by 5. Naps a battle unless use the car.

It’s taken its toll on my whole life. I’m so low with it I don’t even feel like the same person I was.

Struggling with relationship with husband, children and friends. Just no real energy about me.

Struggling with work. Finding it hard to concentrate and get things done. Faff about and loose time probably resting my mind!

Struggling to exercise and eat well so am overweight and unhappy.

Don’t have any time to rest or relax as it takes so long to get baby to sleep in the evening. Do a few chores and get to bed early every night.

Sorry for moaning it’s just worn me down after 14months I suppose.

My DH works as a shift working doctor so I’m often on my own with them day and night.

Maybe I’m a bit depressed but I know I would be better if I could have a few nights proper sleep!

Sorry for moaning :(

I'm in the exact same position with my 14mo. It is grim isn't it?
I've done a bit of sleep training, back Patting to sleep but if won't lay down still I have been walking out and letting her cry for 2 min (set an alarm as it gets me through it) then cuddle and start again. I'm two weeks into that and it's working. Still 2-3 wake ups a night, she is offered the bottle but I only have 90ml in there and once it's gone she generally realised and goes back off so it's getting easier - this week I'm reducing that to 60ml to try cut them out.
I also started a proper bed time routine bath, book and bed which really seems to help too.
No other advise except I understand every word and it is SOOOO hard! I honestly think through sleepers are actually made up mythical beings haha xx

We had exactly the same with the baby...so we ditched the cot in his own room and brought him back in with us. Small cot next to the bed, and straight into bed with us if he wakes in the night. It made a massive difference and we are finally all getting some sleep. The world seems so much brighter when you are rested, sleep deprivation is a bitch! Do you get any time to yourself? Could you put them both in Nursery 2 mornings a week?
It is bloody hard and you need to make little changes to get some fun back into your life.

I'm lucky (I'm a sense) that the in laws come stay once a week and have her over night so we both get a night off but this morning MIL got up and said she'd slept through...she'd woke up twice for milk!!!! Absolutely no need to get my hopes up like that

Are you bed sharing or would you try it? It really saved my sanity. Sleep deprivation/disturbance is so depressing. I feel for you

Not a mum but I understand how depressing sleep deprivation can be. Do you have anyone that could take the children so you can get some sleep?

Thank you so much for replying! Very kind of you.

@kshaw thank you. Yes it’s hard work - I am trying to reduce the night milk but more for something to try really! It wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t take ages for him to go to sleep and I had an evening.

One day we will get there! I have a helpful MIL but she will only take one child at a time and I do t blame her haha!

Thanks for all your advice xx

@Chosenbyyou I'd recommend how I did the controlled crying (I'm currently on a 2 minute slog) but it's gone down to 15 mins bed time from 1hr+

We will get there!

@kshaw how is it going?

Thank you for your advice - things are going a bit better for us at the moment! Currently had one wake up for two nights running after several bad nights...makes such a difference!

Hope all is going well with you :)

@Chosenbyyou glad it's working a bit better for you! Had a bad one last night as she wouldn't eat her porridge before bed for some reason so was very hungry during the night but it's better than was before!

Not a solution but can you go to bed a bit earlier so you get more rest? It will get there, it just takes time. When your dh is home can you go away for the night just to rest yourself again. You'll feel so much stronger if you can gather yourself a bit. Sleep has a massive impact on everything.. my DS started sleeping through at 15 months.. and my bodies so used to being up I'm awake now myself!

She slept through!!! First time - bed at 7ish, woke at 10.15 for some milk then alllll the way until 5.15!

Hi, I see your partner is on shift working. But presumably they have days off too, so why is it only you ever doing the bedtimes?
You should absolutely have a regular (weekly) arrangement where they give you a proper break for an evening, as well as a lie-in if you have to do all the mornings.

Don;t feel you have to do sleep training. Long bedtimes come and go, as you already have one old child you'll know that they get there on their own. I think what you need is a break from having to take all of the sleep crap. It's not ONLY your job to look after the family during times when your partner isn't at work.