Screaming whenever put in cot :(

[november90]

My lb has always been a bad sleeper. I'm wanting to wean his nighttime bf but he's currently in a development leap and has an ear infection so I know it's not the time.
He's gotten into a horrible habit of everytime I put him in his cot asleep, he will start screaming and waking up. I'm having to get up with him for 2-3 hours a go every night. It's the same cycle, I feed him to sleep (he doesn't feed just sucks), I put him down and he wakes up immediately screaming blue murder. It's causing me massive anxiety, like really bad. I know I need to change his sleep pattern, but as I said it's not the time. Is this a phase? Please tell me he will stop this!!! What should I do?!
He's 16 months old.

I've tried stroking his head, holding his hand, pressing his chest, bending over cot so I'm next to him, putting my pillow in the cot, feeding him on the pillow and transferring over, sitting it out, sitting next to cot..... but nothing.
He would cry all night.
This started about 5 nights ago. I feel like I'm going insane and just a terrible mum :( I'm reduced to tears every night.
Please tell me this is a phase

Sorry to write again here... but I just left him to cry a little and he got so hysterical he would let me hold him or bf him. It's taken about 15 mins to stop him throwing himself around everywhere and now he's wide awake and I'm back to square 1 :'(

You poor soul. I’ve been there.

What helped us was putting a hot water bottle in the cot in advance to warm it up and whipping it out just before putting the baby down.

could you try co-sleeping at least until the ear infection clears up?

He's just gone down after 3 hours :(
I don't feel comfortable cosleeping as he's such a wriggler and I'd be so worried about suffocating him all night!
Thank you for your reply though :)
This started when he got unwell with his ears but he's been on antibiotics 2 days now and he's still not eating properly or sleeping so I just don't know what to do :( I know I'm going to have to do this again in a couple of hours (well hours of I'm lucky!).

Your not a bad mum at all. You did the right thing by looking for support. You and baby will get there soon.
Don't be hard on yourself it just something you both need time to adjust to.
I'm sure someone will have an answer that works with your routine.

I've also had a rough week (or more I can't remember just how long it's been!) with my 18 month old he hasn't been very well either (cold, fever chest infection lots of ear pulling and scratching his nose 😢 norm for us when teething, then the actual teeth cutting through was hell he's been extremely clingy even in his sleep he just wanted mummy....I literally felt like I was cracking up.

Almost 2 months ago I had been trying to get him to sleep independently as he was ok taking naps alone during the day. So I figured he would settle easily in bed...I was wrong! I found it very difficult to get him used to going to sleep in his cot alone. I had previously been cuddling him to sleep in bed with me then would move him but a lot of the time he was waking up again all moody.
I purchased a projector that also plays lullabys doused the area around cot in lavender oil got a nightlight an we did eventually manage to crack it firstly with me in the room, just on my bed reading etc, breathing loudly enough for him to know I was there, then when he got into his projector I would leave for a few mins at a time (to make a cuppa) and quietly come in and out of room without making eye contact and later on managed to stay out all together) then boom, Hello teeth! Goodbye hard work.

Sometimes he will protest but I have to Ignore it, not that I'll leave him to seriously cry himself to sleep I personally couldn't do that. A bit of a moan here and there I can hack but not screaming. I've heard some people do it that way. Not my ideal but whatever works for them.

I do try to wait for signs of tiredness before I attempt to put him down though or he gets very distressed...there are no set bedtimes here, more of a realistic timeframe because my eldest has asd and is prone to random outbursts, I really need my other kids to be a bit more flexible at times so that's what works for us.
Some babies adapt better to a rigid routine.
Hopefully you'll find something that works for you. If not then continue co-sleeping if it means you get some rest too.

I'm wondering if your LO's ear infection could be teething related?

Anyway I do hope he feels better soon and also hope you get some lil snatches of rest here and there (let the house go to shit for now if you must, chill on the sofa with your boy you'll both appreciate it)
xx

I'm not sure if I could offer much advice. My dd was the same. I ended up letting her co-sleep with me. I felt comfortable with it though because I felt safe with her being a toddler and not a tiny helpless baby. If your not comfortable with co-sleeping that's fine. Is there music your ds likes? Maybe play music that helps him relax. Sounds like you need a good night sleep, is there anyone who could look after him so you can get some sleep?

Oops misread some of your OP, sorry I'm tired. Didn't see you were trying to wean him off night booby. So he's literally used to being attached to you before sleeping and he's likely associating Breastfeeds with sleep. Have you tried giving his last feed out of his bedroom?
Another (drastic) option could be to express his last feed into a bottle/cup to break his association of mum+boob equalling sleep.
Also you would be able to monitor just how many oz it would take to settle him for the whole night.

If his ears are playing up he'll probably be having trouble swallowing bless him it might actually be easier to cup or spoon feed him while he's like this.

Thank you so much for all your replies! It makes me feel so much better just hearing from other people who have been through this (not that I wish this on anyone!).
We currently have all his teeth (apart from the very 4 back molars which I believe don't come through for a year or two) so I don't think it's teething related!
I am so ready but SO apprehensive for the night weaning! I know atm it would be a disaster so I'm waiting until we're in a better place! I'm going to start by dropping the first feed to sleep and go from there! I have actually bought a projector and waiting for it to be delivered, maybe that will distract him when he's in his cot?
It's just so difficult though as he will not let me out him down, he's actually histerical. I just don't know how we drop this!
During the day I rock him to sleep in his pushchair which I know is bad but I just can't battle him to sleep day and night :(
My partner works evening and nights regularly so I don't get him involved as he can't be consistent.... so there's a lot of weight on my shoulders atm!

God I sound so miserable don't I?! We're a really happy family and I love my LB with every ounce of me(and more if possible) but this sleep and breast feeding is really getting me down :( I think it's because he slept through for 2 nights before it all so I was really getting my hopes up that he was getting over this but I was VERY wrong!

My first was the same; hated it. He was in a bed with bed guards by 18 months.

My daughter was the exact same! One day I just popped her in her cot and laid down on the bed so she could still me. Yes she was pissed off, but after about 15 minutes of rather loud screeching at me to pick her up she laid down and went to sleep. And since then has gone down in her cot for all naps and bedtime without even a whimper. Absolutely saved my sanity!

My son was like that. I just let him sleep in my bed in the end. Bless him. He used to get so upset. Sorry I don’t have cure for you. Once he was two he was fine about bedtime, by then I had a dd3 not gonna lie tho, I was bloody knackered by then.
Hope something from the mumsnet board helps you xx

I think they get used to the sucking for soothing and I wished I'd given mine a dummy. Anyway he used to wake up and only go back to sleep with a bottle to suck on and as you say 2-3 times. Ironically he doesnt like milk at all now so was purely a comfort thing. In the end when he was about 2-3 I let him scream the place down and as he was older he was able to keep going far longer than OP 15 mins maybe over an hour. Was horrible but it broke the cycle. I told myself it was worth it so we could all get a decent sleep.

Meant to say intially soothing with me and then the bottle.

If is been happening since he’s been ill it might just be that he’s extra sensitive and clingy, my DS was like Velcro when he was poorly. He was also a real bugger at going back in the cot anyway. Do you have a cot with a drop side or anyway of removing a side so you can cuddle him while he is in the cot? Or perhaps get a very low bed with a bedguard for him? Baby proof his room (pretty much only have a bed in there) and get the door. My DS slept so much better when we got him a bed at 2 years old as instead of the cuddle to sleep/try to slip him in the cot routine we had (he never self settled in the cot ever) we could lie him in his bed and lie next to him having a cuddle and stroke his head and he slept much better. Also if he woke it was a case of lying down and sticking an arm over him rather than sitting up and rocking and getting more and more stressed. I’ll be putting DS2 in a low bed early I think, if I think he also doesn’t like the cot.

I didn’t night wean until he was 20 months old, he was on bottles then though. I just offered water in the bottle instead and I’d cuddle and rock and sing to him through his outrage. It wasn’t a great few nights but he stopped waking up twice for feeds (which at the age of 20 months and eating like a horse and having tons of milk at bedtime he didn’t need, he just wanted it through habit)

I’d wait until your baby is definitely recovered anyway as it sounds as if his behaviour is down to being poorly still. I feel for you though, it’s worse when try tart to turn into toddlers and still won’t sleep because you can cope with a little baby l, it’s expected and right that they wake and feed often. It was when DS was a real toddler that I became really upset with being up 3 times a night...

*Gate his bedroom door

Are you absolutely sure he is better?

Lying flat with ear infections can be really painful I understand

Thanks again for all your replies!
Here we go another night, maybe tonight will be the night he sleeps better?!! (I think this every night 🙈).
He's eaten his dinner and tea today so I'm hoping he's beginning to feel better!
I really do appreciate all your replies, I don't have many mummy friends so I feel a bit lost with this.
It sounds like I need to bite the bullet when he's better and start being a bit more strict!