How much has continuous poor sleep affected you?

[Peggy21]

I’ve got a 3 yo who sleeps well now and a ten month old who has been waking every 2-3 hours for months. I feed him back to sleep which is a bit of a bad habit and I am planning to sleep train very soon... but I am feeling at a low ebb and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and anxious first thing I don’t know how I will get through the day. Feeling like it’s relentless. I’m not sure how much of this is linked to continuous poor sleep or whether it’s something else I need to address? Anyone had a similar experience?

Hi,

Yes me too!

I have a 3.5 yo DD who sleeps very well now and a 14mo DS who’s sleep is all over the place but not good. Sometimes he takes ages for me to get him to sleep, sometimes he wakes several times, sometimes he wakes once but get up very early.

I’m sick of baby sleep! I’m sick of getting up really early! I’m sick of trying to get a baby to sleep several times a day and night!

This baby self settled until 6 months and has a dummy. I have no idea why he won’t sleep and I probably need to night wean but it just feels like a battle right now?!

I might be depressed but I was talking to a colleague who said anyone would be down if they hadn’t slept properly for well over a year!

I never feel rested and I feel like my head is fuzzy. I think I would be a better happier parent if I had some sleep but everyday we get up around 5am and get through the day!

Hope you are ok xx

6 years in...

Constantly dropping things
Constantly forgetting things
Can't plan beyond the next 24 hours
Autopilot so end up driving the wrong way often
Auditory processing difficulties
Lurch from one crisis to the next

My son is 14 months old and his sleep is still all over the place. It used to be horrific (waking every 1-2 hours and only settling with a feed) and although it’s better now it’s still not great and still goes to sh*t every time he gets ill (which is a lot).

The lack of sleep has made me:

• depressed, definitely. It’s been up and down ever since he was born
• too exhausted to tidy/clean house, do food shopping and prepare tasty nutritious meals for me and DS
• too exhausted to do things for myself such as exercise, watching tv or reading a book, or doing boring but important life admin
• short-tempered with DH with no energy for him so our relationship has suffered
• this might be controversial but I’m going to be honest here and say that it’s affected my bonding with DS at times. I obviously love him more than I can say and mostly appreciate him a lot but there are times when I have overwhelming feelings of frustration and resentment towards him. Which is a horrible thing to experience because then you get the guilt as well.

So um. Nothing helpful to suggest But in conclusion, sleep deprivation sucks and you are not alone.

Oh and I’m definitely less productive at work and less interesting to be around as I struggle with adult conversations - my brain just can’t find words and string them together.

Until DS2 finally learned to sleep for more than an hour at a time I was an absolute zombie. The first year was the worst - I had no memory at all, was really clumsy (injured myself a few times dropping stuff or falling over), grumpy, no energy at all, couldn't stay awake if I sat down for a second... Honestly, if I didn't know the cause I'd be thinking I had narcolepsy, it was so bad! I lost stuff all the time, forgot things I was supposed to do, my temper wasn't great either. I couldn't drive most of the time, I just wasn't safe. I once fell asleep standing up whilst waiting at reception in DS's school - leant against the counter while I waited and ten seconds later I just nodded off! I must have looked like a drug addict nodding off I should say I was also very anaemic at the time too, which also didn't help.

Thankfully, it didn't last forever. He gradually started sleeping better and once he got to only waking once or twice in the night I was much more human. I can laugh about it now, but there really is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. I used to daydream about having to go into hospital for something not too painful or serious, but something I'd have to be admitted for a few days of rest to deal with!

Ugh don't they say sleep deprivation is a form of torture? I think that level of exhaustion coupled with caring for the kids and no time for self is s dangerous road. I've had to take up running. Half an hour a couple of evenings a week. Just to get away. Do you get time to yourself ever? I've found that has helped with the misery of sleeplessness. And accepting that I will be in bed at 8 with my boob in the baby's mouth for the foreseeable.

I do feel tortured by it all!!

@Namechange30 you sound very similar to me! I seem to have lost all interest in stuff and feel like I am a dull person!

I go to bed early every night and so I have lost all me time. I’m tempted to give that up and stay up late and see if that improves my happyness levels?! What is worst feeling tired or feeling like you have no actual life of your own!

My first just slept through on her own at 14m but she had much more teeth by this point than my DS does. There is no other difference between my two at this age and my DS is showing no signs that he will sleep through.

My relationship, friendships and job have all suffered. Also I just feel unhappy which I think is making me a boring and resentful parent :(

One day it will change!! X

I’m sorry to read these things - it’s so tough and definitely tortuous. It makes me cross when people joke about new parents not having sleep as it is really damaging and I joke at all. Has anyone tried magnesium supplements? I’ve heard they are good to aid sleep but then again you can’t control when your children wake anyway!

“I go to bed early every night and so I have lost all me time. I’m tempted to give that up and stay up late and see if that improves my happyness levels?! What is worst feeling tired or feeling like you have no actual life of your own!”

This is always the dilemma. I don’t know what’s worse, having no energy or having no life - I think it’s both! It’s a killer combination really.

I’m trying to have several nights a week when I get a really early night to try a catch up on a bit of sleep, but also reserve one or two nights a week to do something for me (yoga class or watching a tv show or film with DH)... otherwise most nights I just kind of flop, without getting sleep or doing anything.

Peggy, I agree with everyone here, lack of and disturbed sleep is really really crappy, and as well as making for snappiness and forgetfulness, it is physically draining.

However... in my and friends' experiences, this was often easier with second child, even if they slept worse. The fact you're talking about strong worries and feeling overwhelmed first thing every morning might be pointing to something more like mild depression and actual anxiety. I would see if you have support to take a step back and do something that allows you to feel more in control generally. Being knackered is one thing, but actually feeling like that every day is potentially a sign of struggling more generally, even unconsiously. See if you can find someone to chat to in real life, and good luck.

My DS2 is 13 months and has always been a terrible sleeper. Sleeping through the night still seems like a far away dream and we have had some very very tough times with no sleep.

On the whole I have learned to function pretty well on very little sleep, I can drive, do my job and maintain hobbies and social things on less than half the sleep I really need. All good right? Not really. I am also very anxious, can feel quite subdued and low very frequently which is unusual for me, am irritable and have never been so unwell in my life as I have in the last year.

It's tough and there is really very little that can be done about it. I don't even talk about being tired any more because I have bored myself rigid with it over the last year. If ever I do mention it people seem surprised at how 'together' I am, but I have no choice.

I have spoken to a GP a few times over the last 2 years about feeling utterly overwhelmed. They all say that what I experience is the natural consequence of my reality.

What we really need is more support but not really sure how to achieve that.

I don't think I recognised how difficult it is to parent without extended support before I had children.

InFrance - I think you are totally right but any underlying issues like mild PND are massively exacerbated by the lack of sleep... which makes me agree with magpie and stargirl’s feeling. And Stargirl I totally agree with you re needing extended support. They say it takes a village to raise a child and I think there is so much onus on one parent now - normally the mother - to do so much in isolation it really is overwhelming. Whether it’s making you exhausted/ depressed / anxious / unable to string a sentence together this thread shows what a massive issue it is and it brings so much disharmony and misery to parents.

www.google.co.uk/amp/amp.timeinc.net/time/4094734/interrupted-sleep-mood

Interesting read. Not helpful for us but explains a lot!

My 7 month old baby girl is a light sleeper (just like me), and will wake several times during the night. Even if she doesn't, the slightest stir out of her and I'll wake up to see if she's ok.
I've found the lack of sleep has made me lose interest in activities and interests I've had for years. I'm no longer really interested in sports, movies, video games etc... I have to shoulder some of the blame though. When I'm on a day off work and she goes down for a nap, I should be napping too (not cleaning windows and washing floors).