Help. I've created a monster!

[Natr2610]

Hi ladies,

Apologies if this has been discussed before but I am so stuck! When my dd was young we moved house shortly after moving her into a bed with no sides. She cried so I use to stay with her until she fell asleep and it continued. That was 2 years ago... and it takes over an hour until she falls asleep!! She is now 3 nearly 4 and i just dont know how to get out of her room to let her fall asleep on her own. She screams and chases me, hyperventilating it I try to leave. I have tried to talk to her about big girls going to sleep on their own but she tells me she will when she is 51!

Any ideas? From a mum desperate for a glass of wine typing from her daughters bedside.

Can you tell her you just need the loo/a drink and you'll be back in a minute? Actually go back but slowly lengthen the time you take?

Gradual retreat? Each night move a little further away. Take a chair in and sit sideways to her but not looking directly at her. You can take a book in to read so you can’t make conversation. Sit in total silence. You can repeat “it’s bedtime” but don’t engage in conversation.
If she plays up and asks you to come closer then you leave. Explain this to her.
Each night move a foot or so further away. Eventually you’ll be sat outside her door. Hopefully as time goes on she won’t rely on you being next to her.

I had a similar experience. Staying with my DD when younger until she fell asleep then being stuck with doing that or having her cry and scream if I tried to leave. Could you try a gradual move away? First night next to her bed, then move the chair towards the door then if that goes well in the doorway, outside but still visible etc etc

This worked for my DD and I was able to just say goodnight and leave her to fall asleep.

Just to add, I’ve used this method with children I’ve nannied for.
Eventually I was able to sit outside their rooms with the door open a crack making ssshhhh ssshhh noises for a few minutes before they fell asleep. Much better than the hours of lying with them to begin with!

Thank you for your advice! I will certainly be trying that. Good to know it has worked for you so fingers crossed it goes well.

Thank you!

Oh wow, I have a 11 months old with the same problem and I am going stir crazy. I spent 4-6 hours a day layin in bed, trying to get her to sleep for naps. I have tried everything (white noise, ceiling lights etc). Whenever I leave the room she screams. No, not just cries. She screams bloody murder and sobs inconsolably. One day, I tried the cry-it-out method (i am not a propnent of that in the very least, but was desperate). It ended with her crying herself to such a pont of exhaustion that she puked! Never again. So now, I am sitring here, utterly exhausted after 11 months of NO time for myself due to constant screaming matches at nap time amd 11 montha of seaeching for an answer. The "moving away"method ends in the same inconsolable crying, even when I am right next to her on the bed next to her crib.
Everywhere I look, they just tell u to let her cry a bit. But that is not the solution, because she does not cry "a bit". Does anyone have any other ideas?

Oh, and of course she still does not sleep thru the night either....so no rest here either....

Keks0605 you could try the pick up put down method? So put your girl down in her cot, start with bedtime as opposed to naps and don’t do it all at the same time it will too much, walk out the room and if she cries and screams wait two minutes, you’ll want to cry hearing her but then walk back in, pick her up and calm her down again, then lay her back down, walk out and you can either wait five minutes or add a minute each time you leave but never leave her longer than ten minutes - that’s maximum.

Basically what should happen is that she won’t get to the stage of being sick because the intervals aren’t long enough to get that worked up over as you’ll be settling her inbetween but she will use so much energy on and off crying that eventually at some point when you put her back down she will sleep. Don’t stay with her too long, just until she’s stopped crying and screaming.

It will probably take about 2-3 weeks of constant sticking to your Guns but the screaming and crying should dwindle as the days and weeks pass until she then feels confident that when you put her down she’s okay, she can get to sleep, you come when she needs you BUT she gets nothing more from you other than a cuddle to calm down then back to bed.

Any sleep training you try will all depend on consistency so whatever method you choose give it three weeks and don’t fall off the wagon no matter how tempting, before you write it off. Good luck :)

That is what I did, I mean, that is what I meant when i wrote cry-it-out. Went in and upped the intervals (2min, 3 min etc). By min 10 she was sobbing so hard that she wouldnt let me console her anymore, kept doing it, and after an hr she puked......

If she's nearly 4 I think she will begin being able to do this soon on her own. Hyperventilating sounds like she's really distressed and needs you, even if she's "older" than a baby.
It won;t last forever. We routinely have hour-long bedtimes here that are done with stories, and just lying down together singing quietly and talking about the day, what they'll do tomorrow, their favourite sweets etc... We still get 2-3 hours of grownup time a night.
Personally I'd advise relaxing a bit and giving her that hour which she needs to fall asleep feeling safe with you. It will not be long until she's telling you you're not wanted at all I would think!
Good luck x

Hi Keks
My opinion is very different. I understand how hard it is trying to make sure a baby has enough sleep, and how much of a stress the fear of them being overtired can be. And how you long for some time away to yourself. BUT...
11 months is very little. I would advise, having had two children who were never simple sleepers, to really try and step back and relax. You DO NOT have to do any sleep training, your baby will not be ruined. It;s just a different way of dealing with things, if you choose to say "ok, this is hard but I'm going to be there for her while she needs it". She;s very little still, and their sleep does begin to improve a lot from about 12 months. You might still be like me and being there for a long time at bedtime every night, but it doesn't have to be a battle if you just accept that's how evenings will be. Make it cosy, friendly, read books, cuddle up in the bed, sing. You can change the whole dynamic, and you will still get some time to yourself in the evening, although it won't be necessarily undisturbed with a baby that young.
Good luck and go with your instincts.