4 month sleep regression torture-hand hols please

[ASplendidMoomin]

Sorry this is long- didn’t want to drip feed! My 16 week old DS’s sleep had been steadily improving by itself as he got bigger (going 3 hours between feeds, then 4-6, then occasionally 8 which was amazing). He’s EBF and a good size, around 16lb. Then suddenly 4 days ago with no change to our pretty relaxed day or evening ‘routine’ he has started waking every 45 minutes throughout the night.

I have always fed him to sleep (can’t make sense of this ‘put in the cot drowsy but awake’ thing- he’s either awake or asleep and gets very cross if put down awake). He sleeps in a snuzpod sidecar cot and in a sleepyhead. We swaddled him in a miracle blanket till 14 weeks but weaned him off it as he was starting to fight it off and also can now roll from front to back, so back to front might happen soon.

Cutting a long story short, with this new insane frequent waking, feeding him back to sleep is working, but nothing is keeping him asleep beyond 45 mins- until I put him in bed next to me last night. He then went midnight- 5am with a couple of short sleepy feeds.

Should I just accept that bed sharing is the new normal or is there something else I should do?

Sorry for long post- this sudden extreme sleep deprivation is like torture and I feel a miserable failure.

I have a 16 week old too. Do you understand why it happens? It's because they don't just go into a deep sleep straight away, they are in light sleep for a long time and if they wake during light sleep they don't know how to put themselves back to sleep. I was prepared for this as I had a bad sleeper so I always put her down for one nap during the day where she's drowsy as I wanted to see how she reacted. She grizzles for 10 minutes (not full blown crying) and then goes off (>50% of the time) so I decided that in the night I would just wait it out and not tend to her unless I knew she needed a feed or she full on cried. Maybe try one nap a day in snuz pod and just see what happens. I do this during first nap of the day so if it goes tits up, we have time to recoup during the day. I always make sure the cot is warm with a hot water bottle. My baby is a terrible day sleeper. She will not nap unless I'm car or pram (apart from the first nap of day). She only naps for 20-30 minutes 2/3 times a day and is beside herself by 7pm. My friend has a 16 week old too and found the same as you, things significantly improved with an earlier bed time. Maybe try that?

Thank you, that is a good idea to try first nap of the day in the snuzpod as it’s normally only 60-90 mins after he’s woken up anyway so if it doesn’t work, as you say we’ve got the rest of the day to catch up.
Also hot water bottle- we did this as a newborn but stopped for no good reason so will resurrect this.
Ditto earlier bed time- will work on this.

Sorry you and your friend are also going through this but also glad not alone.

I’m also going through this right now. It ain’t fun! Was informed I looked exhausted today (thanks very much). My DD is 17 weeks and was doing 5-6 hour stretches in her Moses basket, but now she won’t go into it at all.

After much deliberation, I’ve just gone from co-sleeping for some of the night to all night, and am waiting till she hits 5 months to begin sleep-training.

Her naps are exactly as you describe, thingymaboob. I’ve moved bedtime from 7 to 6pm because she loses it around then.

You’re not a failure. This is normal.

This is where white noise and blackout blinds were really important for us, but I won’t tell you about my twins because they are the worst sleepers I’ve ever heard of. But they’re almost 20 months now and mostly sleep through.

Thanks everyone. The worst thing is feeling like I’m letting my baby down by not helping him to sleep properly. I know that’s daft and this is all normal but I’m so exhausted I can’t think straight and feel tearful all the time. I am already panicking about going back to work next year (!) in case it’s still this bad. I wouldn’t be able to hold down my job on no sleep.

You're not alone, ds is 21 weeks and I've managed to get it down from frequent wakings to fussy from 4 onwards

I'm going to try the hot water bottle at 4 tonight but to get there I've started giving him a bigger feed for his last bottle and an earlier bedtime. We were like you, very easy on routine but I find he needs at least a regular bedtime now or he gets over tired and cranky.

It is a terrible feeling to see your baby look tired- can’t help but feel you’re not doing right by them... when of course you’ve given them every opportunity to sleep and they’re just not responding!

Oh OP, I thought the four month regression was going to kill me (but she's 1 this weekend and evidently I'm still alive). I just persevered through it and after a few weeks it started to gradually get better.

Hi all, thanks so much for your replies and support. We are surviving.. I think things are slowly improving. Bedsharing is helping a lot- still waking 5-6 times a night but not fully and is less knackering for me as I don’t have to get out of bed- and I managed to get him to take 3 naps today without being pushed in pram. Still fed to almost asleep but three times now he’s miraculously come off the boob awake and then seemed to settle himself to sleep in my lap. I think he’s undergoing some kind of major developmental leap as some of you have suggested. And interestingly at bedtime yesterday I gave up trying to soothe him as literally nothing was working and he had been crying for half an hour... so I just held him, he fed for a few mins then dropped off by himself. Almost like he was annoyed with all our ‘interventions’ and just wanted to be left to get to sleep in his own way.
Thought I’d share in case this helps anyone else.

I'm sorry if this sounds a bit to the point but the 4 month regression isn't a regression it's a total cha he to sleep habits.. So just bear in mind when you're changing your routines

Yeo it really is a complete change in the way they sleep. I have got through it twice now without bedsharing so if that isn’t a route you want to go down then you don’t need to. Not have I done any form of sleep training. It’s just a case of getting through. Being there to help them through the lighter sleep stages.

Before 4 months, babies have quiet and active sleep stages. After 4 months they develop the adult sleep stages including slow wave sleep and REM. It is a massive change for them!