Starting sleep training today

[firsttimemum889]

Was putting this off for so long ! Tonight is the night we are doing control crying ! My 6 month old has been waking up every 1 to two hours since he turned 3 months old ! I just really hope o stick through it ! Anyone done it with sucess ??? How long did the crying last forat time ?? Am dreading it put i simply cannot keep rocking to sleep anymore every hour !

My advice would be to stop reading books and stressing about what they tell you you should be doing and go with what works for you and your baby. If you don't have a sleeper, you don't have a sleeper. I firmly believe it's down to a child's personality and whilst you might be able to tweak it slightly you can't change things fundamentally.

My DS is a difficult sleeper, always has been. I've never left him to cry but I've tried pick up put down and gradual retreat. All abject failures. What he wanted was to be near me, he's a cuddly baby, he doesn't like going to sleep on his own. In the end I attached a one sided cot to our bed and made my peace with it! We all got loads more sleep.

DS is now nearly 2 and his sleep is still hit and miss, he'll go through periods of sleeping through but sometimes he'll still need to come into bed with us. It won't last forever, he won't want to sleep with you when he's 15 so if he sleeps well when he's in with you and you can do so safely I'd try to find a way to make co-sleeping work for you. Oh, and stop worrying about what everyone else does, all babies are different, what works for one doesn't work for another so just do what works for you! Good luck!

All babies are different. Some sleep for longer periods than others. At 6 months I would expect a baby to wake up once or twice a night to feed or cuddle. They are so tiny for such a short amount of time. If your dc needs held then hold him.

For us dd1 woke multiple times a night until I night weaned at 22 months. Now she will still wake once or twice mm it goes straight back to sleep.

Dd2 is 4 months. Wakes 2-4 times for a quick feed. Under 20 mins. I think this is brilliant. I boast about what a great sleeper she is. But I'm honest about it. Babies are not supposed to sleep for 12 hours. They need closeness.

If you want to co-sleep go for it. If you follow the guidelines then baby will be safe. Worry about transitioning to a cot later.

I k ow i shouldnt be comparin but cant help it !! I also cant help thibking about the future and how what am doing now will affect him later on
@HoneyWheeler how did it go woth your little one ? Hope you had better luck than me !

Hey @firsttimemum889, it was ok I guess! Three wake ups and a fair bit of crying but he didn't get hysterical, which I guess is a mercy. He usually goes down pretty well at night, he just always wakes up every two hours, but this time was better - I think it was a fluke though. Naps will be our struggle today I think as not as much sleep pressure!

What do you imagine is going to happen in the future? Loads and loads of babies aren't great sleepers, for the overwhelming majority it's simply a phase that passes and that's it.

You obviously aren't comfortable with sleep training and that's fine, neither am I! So just don't do it. Find a way to maximise your sleep and let other people worry about what they get up to.

I understand the worry about not doing it "right", I went through the same thing. Worrying all the time that my baby wasn't doing what the book said he should be doing and getting increasingly stressed out that none of the "techniques" seemed to be working. In the end my mum told me to ignore the blimmin books and just do what worked for us. It's been one of the best bits of advice I received. Your baby is still really little, you're doing a great job and the way that feels right to you is absolutely fine so why fight it?

Thats good news @HoneyWheeler i hope it gets better for you !!
@Sunshinegirl82 thats excactly what my mum said infact my whole family does not undestand my obsession with books and milestones etc . I do come from a different culture though where going woth the flow is the norm !
I guess i need to find a way to make co sleeping more comfortable for me as he does sleep better in my bed

Have you considered a side car cot? That way he'd be with you but in his own space?

Don't be too hard on yourself @firsttimemum889 - do what feels right to you and whatever means you get the most sleep! You are the expert on your situation and your baby. Hope you have a restful night.

I've been trying a gentle approach with my LB for weeks now and have seen very little improvement. The odd occasion when I think he's getting there when he comes off the boob and moans or looks at me for few seconds before closing his eyes. I hope he does just magically learn how to sleep he's 5 months now, I'm drained. I can't see how it will change I still be feeding him to sleep this time next year. 😭

What technique did you use? I did the sleep reassurance approach, where you go in every minute to begin with, calm them down, then leave. Then you gradually increase the amount of time you wait before you go back in. I used the magic sleep fairy book (Alison Scott Wright) as she has a crying scale which I really related to. Basically you don't go in unless the crying is around a 4 or 5, and you never let it get over an 8, so they never get really distressed and worked up whilst sleep training. It's all about comforting them so they learn you are there and they are safe. But also you teach them to self settle and sleep alone. It's not for everyone but it really can work. I have to say as others have said, I kept the dummy, so didn't follow all the training rules! when teething it's the only thing which seems to help, so couldn't face giving it up. Also I used white noise (love our myhummy) and a sleepy tot for the dummy. Also I found a night light helps as baby can still see where their dummy is in the night. There's so much pressure to get them to sleep through the night but despite having trained my daughter and followed a strict routine from 4 months, she only really consistently started sleeping through the night from about 9 months old. Also teething, colds, sickness etc all still throw things off from time to time.

Well tonight he refused to let me hold him or rock him to sleep he eventually let me male him sleep but he seemed scared ! I really hope that yesterday's events are not the reason for it !!
@Mimmm hang in there i did not manage to breastfeed but i can imagine how much more didficult it would be to break that assosiation!
@letstryagainaaahhhh what counts as a 5 or 8 crying ?? Mine testerday was crying so much you could hear him gurgling with his saliva still cant believe i did this to him !
@Sunshinegirl82 i had a next to me but he is too bog for it now . The cot we bought was an expensive one (waste of money didnt sleep in kt once )!! .it can be converted to a totler bed similar to the stokke one . The side can be taken off and attached to our bed but our room is tiny so i dont think it will fit ! Well i can always send dh to the spare room i guess

I mean this as gently as possible but you mention being obsessed with books and milestones and you seem very anxious about this and what others are doing/thinking. Do you think you might have some post natal anxiety? It's really common and there are ways that it can be reduced/managed if you think it's something affecting you.

I'd do what you can to fit the cot in. Would it fit in the spare room? Can you move everything but the cot and bed into the spare room to make space? Otherwise get a bed guard and co-sleep (with or without DH!) from first wake up for now. You can always rethink in a few months, what you decide now doesn't have to be how it works forever.

@Sunshinegirl82 didnt know there was such a thing but i am anxious in general always have been
Was like that when we were ttc read evere book available before even starting ! I guess thats why it took 14 months
In pregnancy as well i was a nervous reck

I've never sleep trained and won't ever

My 10 mo still wakes at night, but he now goes down awake in his cot then goes to sleep, with a bit of patting.

He can be soothed back to sleep with a pat, when not ill and his feeds are reducing.

He naps 2 hours in his cot when we're home, or in his pushchair, often without intervention.

He sometimes seems to wake up then grumbles as he does when we're with him going to sleep and sends himself off.

We haven't done anything except wait and go with what he needs

I've attached photos of the scale... hope it's helpful for you too. In my opinion, sleep training doesn't mean letting your baby cry alone, until they sleep. It means teaching them to self settle to sleep. This approach might take longer to work, but I think is much less stressful for baby and parents.