Sleep Training Twins

[Twinmumessex]

Hello

I have 8 month old twins (6.5 months corrected) They have always been quite good sleepers overnight. They would feed at approx 10.30pm and 2.30am and go back to sleep right after. Both have always been early risers (5am) at which point I would take them to bed with me for the last couple of hours before getting up.

In the last month they have dropped the 2am feed but are still wide awake at this time anyway! I try giving them milk and/or water which they don’t take (1oz milk max) but I can’t get them back to sleep without taking them to bed with me. I’m now pretty much fully co-sleeping and worrying that this is contributing to them waking i.e. they are waking for cuddles rather than to eat. I don’t understand how to break this cycle. I naively thought by 8months they would be close to sleeping through but we haven’t had a single night in which we have all woken up in our own beds. I’m not sure if I am asking too much and should continue as-is (co-sleep is better than no-sleep) and they will naturally sleep through themselves eventually or if it’s possible to do some training to get them to stay in their own beds.

We’ve been advised to put a hand on their chest and pat / ‘shhhh’ them back to sleep which is so hard for one person to do on two babies especially at a knackering 3am (this DOES work at the earlier feeds when only one is awake but they are both just soooo awake at 2am!). Also been advised to cry it out which I don’t see how that works with two - surely they just keep each other awake crying?

Has anyone sleep trained twins successfully and can offer some advice and tips. At this point I feel like I’m going to still have them in my bed past 3am every night for the rest of my days!

Thank you

(Note, I’ve also posted this message on the Multiple Births forum, hedging my bets!)

I hope you get some top tips.

My twins (now 12) never slept in our room (from day 1). They did wake frequently and DH and I bottle fed on demand.
One became a very good sleeper and the other didn't sleep through until he was about 8 years old!
But to have two babies in your room every night will seriously destroy you if you do it long term.
I know it's hard, but I'd seriously consider returning them to their room/s.
Good luck.

I tried (years ago though). Is your H able to help? we had one twin who was a better sleeper, so we put him in a separate room. DD was still waking - i was still breastfeeding and I think she was waking for comfort rather than milk. I didn't offer her a feed, just offered a drink of water. She woke for a couple of nights - i kept to the same routine - and she slept through. Kept them separate for another couple of weeks then put them back in together.

I should say they were about 11 months at that point but mine were 3 months premature so 8 months corrected if that makes sense.

Other things - are they getting a full feed at 10.30?

We have them in a different room and I’ve switched off the baby monitor as I it was picking up every little movement which was making me even more edgy. This way it trying to only go to them when they are properly awake and upset, rather than spending hours staring at them awake on the monitor. I’ve tried so hard to ignore them when they wake but eventually they do cry, and I wake each other up.
Gosh, 8 years is a long time to wait 😫

If you maybe went in whilst they're only just wriggling etc and not properly awake, would you be able to settle them easier?

My husband is working full time and tries his best to help but I am of the thinking that it’s better for at least one of us not to be totally shattered each day so I try not to disturb him if possible. He finishes work in August and we have 6 weeks off together so I’m thinking that’s a great opportunity to do some hardcore sleep training together but I’m so worried about how bad the situation will get before that point!
I did a week of just offering water but it made no difference, they were still refusing to sleep unless with me, and then I also started to worry that I was depriving them of milk!
Mine were 2 months early so only just past the 6 months corrected mark so maybe just still too young to go through..?
They tend to have around 6oz at 10.30 which is a full feed for them.

@twinmumessex - sorry don't want to alarm. He was just a poor sleeper and I don't think this is the norm. His twin could sleep through a foghorn (good job).

I agree with the poster above at not going in too much and leaving them sometimes. We could only get a monitor with a picture (no sound) 12 yrs ago, which helped!

2 babies is not a one person job if you can help it. Hoping you have a DP to share equally.

I never breast fed so not sure if 'just' bottle is an option and worth exploring if you think much is for comfort rather than food?

Yes maybe it is a bit early. Maybe if they want you, try your H going in to them for a few nights. I know you don't want to disturb him, but he's got the easy option at this point going to work whilst you have the twins . Or maybe he could try for a couple of nights say Fri and Sat so he's not getting up for work the next day!

Op - my DH worked long hours but he shared the feeds. When mine were 9 months I returned to work and was knackered too but I can't see any other way than sharing.

I’ve been quite reluctant to rope my husband in to help but I think we’re both coming to the realisation that’s its not going to work with just me trying to settle them. I think maybe we need to set aside a couple of weeks to go in hard (i admittedly give in and bring them to bed pretty easily) even if just a trial period of a few weeks to see how do-able it is (he drives for a living so don’t want to risk him being too tired behind the wheel).
Ahh all those one baby parents don’t know how easy they have it 😂

You need to be kinder to yourself or you'll burn out anyway.

See what you mean about driving. Is there a relative who could maybe help out?

It is relentless at the start and I do think you might need to be a little 'tougher' for the long term.

You sound like a lovely mother so please don't beat yourself up

@middleoftheroad That is such a lovely thing to say, thank you so much. My husband is always telling me I am too hard on myself but it sometimes feels like everyone else seems to have it together but me. No relatives sadly (husband has no immediate family and though my sisters are close by, they have their own children to contend with) which is part of the battle. Thank god for the support on these forums! 😀

Ah good luck. My mother would come and help me in the day, so it must be tough.

I hope you find a solution but it will get easier.