Breaking the feed to sleep connection?

[TookyClothespin]

DD2 is a big comfort feeder, unlike DD1. Every nap, bedtime, and when she wakes if I'm there, she wants boob. If I'm not there, she'll settle for someone else without even a cup of milk or water. Not every time at night, admittedly, but one or two of her 3 wake up she will.
So, my question - if she'll settle for others, how do I get her out of the habit and get her settling for me without boob? She shares a bedroom with DD1 so need to keep crying to a minimum so she doesn't wake her. Moving to own rooms is not an option as we don't have enough bedrooms. Moving her back to our room would mean she wants feeding even more.
I don't want to totally stop BF, just get more sleep at night.

I had a rough night last night and totally caved and let him in bed with me. He slept fine until 11 and then he was up every 20 minutes screaming until I put him in bed with me. I'd go in and rock him back off to sleep easily and then he'd wake up then after 20 mins really upset. No idea what was up but hope it hasn't set us back too much! I might try the ferber method. Do you go in every few minutes even when he's not crying at the start or do you hold off until he is crying and the start going in every few minutes?

@Missonhartbaby Sorry you had a bad night...it sounds just like my ds a month ago, I resorted to having him in my bed too until one night i was just so knackered i decided it was time to make a change . I'm guessing it's the rocking and then putting down that is the problem....he goes to sleep in your arms then wakes in a panic when you are no longer there. I set my timer on my phone as soon as I leave the room. If he doesn't cry I reset the timer for that length of time again. So leave room, set 3 mins, go in after 3 mins if crying, set another 3 mins if not. Next time 5 mins, next time 7 mins etc. It's not exactly like the book I don't think but it works for us. He has never cried for longer than 20 mins in total and now just does a few minutes squinney protest...a bit like making his own white noise to go to sleep to!! I would def recommended reading the book...it explains it so much better than I can.

@BentleyBelly I just tried your method and he's gone down in his own, in his own room in less than 20 mins!! I went in at 2, 3,4 and 5 mins. Was about to think I can't do this cos the 5 mins of him crying was too much but by the time I was next due to go in after 5 mins he was quiet! So I held off listened outside his door and I could hear him breathing long and slow like when he's asleep! And that was 10 mins ago! Woo hoo! What do I do when he wakes up then? Because he does need a night feed still. Do I just do the exact same thing as I did if he cries and its not time for a feed and then if he is due a feed, I'll feed him, don't let him fall asleep on me, put him. In his cot and do it again?

Ah amazing!! If ds wakes before a feed is due we do the timed crying again. If it's 3 hours or longer I feed him. In my limited experience if I get to him before he fully wakes up I can put him down asleep after a feed...as long as he has gone to sleep by himself at the start of the night. Otherwise we do the timed crying again. Tbh it's never more than a few mins in the night. I really hope you have a good night.

@BentleyBelly fingers crossed! I know he normally feeds at 11ish but he did go down later than normal today as we were out. And he was waking up at 3 for a feed aswell before he decided to just wake up constantly! I really hope this continues to work. I was always super against controlled crying etc but there have been times where I've been holding him and he's cried longer and harder than he did tonight because he was just so over tired. And I've had to leave him scream in his cot before because I was getting cross at him as I was so tired too!

Same...I wasn't keen either but like you say he has cried more with me holding him. There have been a couple of nights/naps where I have caved and either fed him or held him asleep but the improvement in his sleep when he goes to sleep by himself is huge. He normally feeds around 11, 2 and 5 but it's a quick feed and back down again. Will work at dropping the night feeds once he is more established on solids.

I’ve just dealt with this it was awful, I went cold turkey only lasted 2 days now he goes 9 untill 9 Daily. I comforted my son and he cried for hours but it’s been so worth it. I can now put him asleep wide awake and he passes out himself within minutes. It’s horrible but worth the awfulness just go for it, good luck.

I how old is your LO? My DS is 6 months but has been on solids since 5 months, he's still having alot of milk feeds though. I think he probably still needs at least two night feeds.i really. Don't mind waking up for those though if he goes down after easily and doesn't wake up every hour!

He was 6 months last week. He is having 2 meals a day but only 3 ice cubes worth...his milk intake has really gone up last few days so think we are in a growth spurt. Like you I don't mind the night feeds as long as they are hassle free and as long as he takes a decent feed I know he needs it!

@Missonhartbaby just sat up feeding and hope you are doing ok?

Hey, I think he got up about 4 times... I fed him three times and he went straight back down easily. I didn't spend time rocking him or shhing him when he stirred I just out him down after and left and he seemed fine. And he did wake up inconsolable at one point, I started trying to do the times check inside but he wasn't calming down when I went in so I ended up picking him up and rocking him. Cos this was about half hour after a feed so I knew he wasn't hungry. All in all I think it was abit better and seems to be working! How was your night?

Brilliant news! Ds did a pb last night and slept from 6.30pm till 1am then 4.30 and woke for the day at 6.15. I won't get too excited though as he normally has a bad night after a great one!! He has already had his first nap so it's going to be a long day.

Eurgh everything has gone tits up. Went to a family bbq last night so DS was totally out of routine, didn't get back til 10. Ended up letting him sleep in our bed all night. He won't nap today now in his cot. Was proper screwing and crying his eyes out. Just managed to feed him to sleep for a little nap now, he had about half hour earlier and that was it. I'm gonna do the ferber method again tonight but I feel like it's going to take forever for him to go down now :( :(

Oh no. I've just given in on the last nap of the day (at in laws in travel cot) sometimes you just have to admit it's gone pear shaped, write it off and tomorrow is another day!

Yep definitely! I did do the ferber method tonight as im determined to stick to a routine now this week and it was much harder than last time but he slept in my bed nursing the whole time last night so it's understandable but he did eventually go. It took about 25 mins. So not much longer but he definitely screamed harder :( bless him. Do you do it for naps in the day aswell? Also he fell asleep as I went in on my check. He was quiet and then started screaming again just as the 7 mins was up so I went in and started stroking his head and he just zonked out. Still in his cot though so I assume that's fine!

Oh bless him...its so hard. Yes we do it for cot naps too. First time I tried at someone else's house today and last nap is always the hardest so was a bit stupid really, I should have just tried a cuddled nap. He did go to bed without as much as a whimper tonight though so I'm happy we've cracked it at home. I think consistency is key. Hope you have a good night. It is so worth it when it clicks...stick at it xx

Yea I'm going to stick with it. I think it's important for my sanity and I think I'l be a better parent if I'm not constantly exhausted! Well it was worth a try! Haha. That's what I find so hard about routines is that they are so easily changed by being out too long or somewhere new.but if i can just crack the night time sleep I'l be happy! Fingers crossed for a good night for us both!