Daytime naps, please help!

[Jkmummy]

Hey!
I have a 10 week old baby and I struggle with getting him to nap during the day! I try to follow the “eat, play, sleep” routine! My problem is that I can never seem to get him down at the right time. Ive tried every window from 50minutes to 1hour 45 mins after he last woke up. I take him away from his play and rock him in a quiet room for 10-15minutes, i then try to put him down but it’s always the same....he just lays there and whinges and flaps his legs and arms up and down! I’ve tried to put him down drowsy after rocking but the moment I put him down, his eyes open, I’ve tried putting him down awake after rocking but again...he starts whinging and flapping about! I sit there with him and stroke his head, play white noise and give him his dummy but still he carries on with the flapping! I’ve tried leaving him for 5 minutes to settle himself but he ends up crying so I pick him up, rock him for a few minutes and try to put him down again, nope he’s still not having it! When he does eventually drop off...it’s always only a 30 minute nap, I get ONE nap out of him during the day which could last over an hour! I feel like I spend most of my day trying to get him to nap, and getting frustrated that nothing works! I just want him to get some sleep and have some time to get housework done and possibly have a little “me time”. Please could someone offer some advice or tips?

I don't know if this will even count as good advice as I'm sure someone will say this is a bad habit, but my dd would only nap on me during the day until she was 3 months. Now she is 6 months she has been napping in her pram for every nap for a few months now. I wrap her up in a blanket and rock her backwards and forwards in the pram indoors until she drops off. It takes between 2-10 minutes and she'll nap 3 or 4 times a day for between 40 mins and 2 hours at a time. I know ideally baby would sleep in a cot for naps but I figure I'll just do what works, so that might work if you don't mind where they sleep?

Hi there!
He sleeps in a crib next to us in our bedroom, i heard that putting them down for naps where they sleep is best! I used to let him fall asleep on me but whenever I would try to put him down in his cot (anything between 30mins to an hour after he fell asleep) he would wake up 9 times out of 10.

DD only napped on me for the first 5 months...I think it's totally normal.

I'd advice getting a sling, baby will most likely settle and sleep easily and you will still be free to move around and get things done.

DS is 6 months and only just started napping in cot and not reliably either. Enjoy the cuddles, leave the housework

I would suggest an awake time of 1hr 15 at this age and a 30 minute nap is definitely normal.

What routine do you do for nighttime sleep? Can you do a version of this for daytime naps?

I'd suggest that you go to the bedroom, draw the curtains, change the nappy and put on a sleeping bag. White noise if you use it and then put down. There's no harm in them just flapping about for a bit, as long as they're not upset, leave them to it. I would start this process after he's been awake for just over an hour.

If you stick to the same routine at every nap for a week, hopefully it'll start to click.

Thank you for the replies, as much as I love him and love spending time with him, I don’t want him to be glued to my side all day (sorry if that sounds horrible or selfish) He doesn’t nap in bouncy chair or swing chair either!

Hi,
I have tried taking him away from his play and getting him ready for a nap at every timeframe from when he starts yawning to when he gets cranky! I lay him down in his cot in a darkened room, play white noise, stroke his head and give him his dummy! He will lay there wide awake and kick his blanket off and flap his arms and legs about! I ignore the flapping and carry on stroking his head, I’m sitting there sometimes for upto 30minutes doing this and still no sleep!

I was just about to start a similar thread asking for advice. My DS is 14 weeks and refuses to go down for a nap. If we're in the house all day I spend the whole day trying to get him to sleep. He used to sleep on me a lot but thats stopped recently, he seems to get so over tired that he just screams whether I hold him or put him down. Its such a battle.
I've tried leaving him to moan and he does settle himself after about 10 - 15 minutes but only if he's grizzling and not properly crying. At night I feed him to sleep and when he does go down he usually does a good stint. I feel your pain OP. You're not alone.

Argh its so frustrating isn’t it! He has been awake for 5 hours, I swear I’ve spent about 3 of them trying on several occasions to get him to nap! He finally fell asleep in my arms and happily slept for 35 minutes but I wanted to make a tea so I carried him and laid him down in his bed...5 minutes later and hes awake!!! I don’t mind getting him to sleep with me holding him but I don’t want to be trapped under him for hours unable to do anything especially something basic like making a drink

Bouncy chair in a dark room? It does take consistency for every single nap time for them to get the message, especially at this age when life is so very interesting.

Do you swaddle?

What’s your nighttime bedtime routine?

No we do not swaddle, when he does fall asleep he always has his hands above his head and seems comfortable like that!

We don’t have much of a bedtime routine, he has a bath at 9.00 followed by his last bottle and then has cuddles with dad till he falls asleep just after 10! He normally sleeps till 3-4am then wants a feed, it’s very difficult to get him back to bed after this, can be up to an hour and half before he falls back to sleep and normally will only sleep for 45mins to an hour so he normally wakes up just after 6.00am.

We are slowly bringing his bedtime earlier each week by 20minutes till we get to 7.30-8.00.

With the flailing arms he would probably do quite well with a swaddle until he’s old enough to roll and get comfy.

It is a bit tricky for him to be used to being cuddled to sleep at some sleep times but not others

Sorry, just to add that some don’t like swaddling in the first instance but after a few minutes they calm and fall asleep.

I walked miles and miles with my DD until she was about 8 months old. Would walk until she fell asleep in the pram then head home and stick the pram in the garden or hallway. She'd then have a good 1-2 hour sleep there. Seriously, we never had cot naps until around then. For 1st morning nap I would rock her until she'd been asleep a good 5-10 mins then lower her to the sofa (until she started to roll over). It's just whatever you can do at that point!

In the nicest possible way, I think your expectations for a 10 weeks old are way too high. It's completely normal for him to need you to fall asleep. But a few things:

What's he sucking? Dummy or breastfeeding? One easy way to give the comfort he needs to get to sleep.

Transfers aren't working - he needs to go to sleep where he's going to stay asleep. So either on you (and yes you need to prepare drinks, snacks, tv remote etc beforehand ) or he needs to fall asleep in something (pram, car seat, cot, playmat, bouncy chair)

Don't be dismissive of slings, they're absolute lifesavers. Your baby is tiny and needs to sleep - that's what maternity leave is for. But the 21st century life doesn't give new mothers a break so we feel like we have to be doing everything to keep all the plates spinning. So either you let things drop (housework, cooking) or one easy solution is get a good sling and carry on with what you need to get on with. You're not forming any bad habits and creating a rod for your back, your baby needs you and this is one way to give him what he needs.

But it does get a lot easier as they get a bit older! I wouldn't bother with the 'routine' side of things so much at the moment, but awake times is crucial. 60-75 mins and it would be a nap any way, any how for me. Either in the house, out for a walk or driving to where we needed to go.

Good luck!

I only cuddle him to sleep when he hasn’t slept for hours, is it better to keep up consistency and not let him get a sleep that way then?

I walk the little man everyday and he always falls asleep in there but I think he’s super aware of his surroundings, the moment we get back in the house....eyes open, even if I nip into the shop on our walk, he’ll pop his eyes open in there! Same with car journeys....will be asleep the entire time, the moment we get home...he’s awake!

I’m getting so frustrated, Instead of enjoying my time with him today, I’ve spent most of it stressed out trying to get him to sleep! He’s now screaming the house down because he’s had like 30mins sleep in 8 hours!

My partner seems to think I shouldn’t be on him so much...trying to get him to have a nap every hour and half or so, and that he will sleep when he’s tired!

Is he right? Should I stop “forcing” these naps on the baby and save myself hours of stress? My health visitor seems to think that because he gets a good enough sleep overnight that he doesn’t really need much sleep during the day!
Is it possible to have a baby that just doesn’t need much sleep?

You need to relax, enjoy your little one and start to build a bit more confidence - what do you think? You're with him all day, you know everything about him, not your DP, the health visitor or any of us. Forget about books, advice, Internet, opinions; what does your gut tell you? Does he seem like he needs more sleep? (Probably if he's so overtired by evening) How do you think he best goes to sleep? If you knew nothing, what would you do?

You're probably in a new mother fog and think that's ridiculous, but it took me a long time to have the confidence to go with what felt right for me. Sometimes there's too much advice. You might be more of a timed routine person with DS sleeping independently, in which case you probably need to work on that (dummy, swaddle, etc) You might be a bit more attachment parent so cuddling and cosleeping seems more natural. You might be a flexible, out and about person who doesn't want to be tied to anything.

For me, I thought (pre-baby!) I was going to be a routine person. Turns out I love cosleeping with my kids and once I worked that out, everything became a lot easier.

That was long, sorry! Just remember that there are no rules, there's no rod for your back, you can't spoil them and they can't manipulate you. Read up on the fourth trimester if you haven't already. Also have a think about when you feel most confident with him.

And look into slings, they really are a massive help!

I’m sure every new mum feels clueless in the beginning but because I don’t have much prior knowledge or experience...I google everything and every piece of advice is completely different...

Some say they should be in a routine, some say it’s too early for that! One place will say he needs 4 naps whilst another says 6 naps! Apparently they should be sleeping pretty much all the time! On average my baby gets about 10-12 hours a day, is that enough?

I just feel like half the time I’m forcing my little one to sleep and we’re both just getting frustrated with each other because it just ain’t happening! He’s been fine all day with little sleep, it’s just the past hour or two where he’s been crying and grumpy.

I feel like I’m doing everything possible to help him get a nap and giving him lots of opportunities to nap but most of the time he’s not interested! I feel like I can’t really win, if I didn’t offer him naps he would end up how he is now...screaming his head off!

If a bouncy chair in a dark room doesn’t work then I’d just cuddle to sleep for now and try to tackle cot naps in another few weeks. He is still very small to be managing cot naps

Oh OP. I was you with my first DD. Constant frustration, trying to get her to nap with her waking almost every time I put her down, always overtired, eyes pinging open when the wheels stopped on the pram or car.

If you take any piece of advice from this post then please take this: stop Googling. Stop reading books about naps and routines. Because the fact is, for many, many babies, it doesn't work. None of it. The babies don't read the books.

Before I was pregnant, I had images in my head of my baby sleeping soundly beside me in his or her crib whilst I lounged around reading a book or doing the housework. The fact is, it's not real life. At least not for the first few months. It was a major reality check for me, especially as I love a clean, tidy house and some time to myself.

After getting past the frustration of it all, I realised that with my second DD (who is currently 4 months), that I just had to make it work. So she sleeps on me, a lot of the time. We take long walks and she sleeps in the sling. I do still try and put her down, in the crib, for at least one nap a day, in the hope that it will start to work like it did for her sister around 6/7 months. Only then was she developmentally ready to self soothe and put herself to sleep. All this 'put them down drowsy but awake' stuff at 9 weeks old is, frankly, bullshit. I've not known a single baby who has fallen asleep in this way that young. Until then, I know it's shit, but you just have to ride it out.

My own tuppenceworth is that babies are clearly ‘Eat, Sleep’ not ‘Play, Sleep’.

Thank you for all the kind words and advice! It’s nice to know that other people experience the same and I’m not just useless at being a first time mum!
There is no problem when it comes to falling asleep on me, i just don’t like being unable to move or do anything whilst he’s sleeping! I just wish he could fall asleep in a swing or stay asleep if I put him down but from the sound of it...they only really sleep if they are laying on you or being carried around in a sling on you!
I hope I don’t sound selfish, I just miss having a little alone time and some me time!

At that age, my son was usually awake for at least 2 hours, regularly 3-4, sometimes more.

I never especially struggled getting him to actually fall asleep as he’d crash out in his pram (also would often wake as soon as we got home - we were out a lot), and I’d nap with him on the bed after feeding, but I let him sleep when he wanted and found he fairly quickly fell into a semblance of a routine. Much less stressful!

I also found guidelines of awake/asleep times pretty useless, as well as guidelines on how long they should actually sleep. Mine always seems to need a lot less. I also never bothered with the ‘eat, play, sleep’ stuff as it never worked for us.

Having settled into a 20-40 minute nap pattern and usually only sleeping an a absolute max of 2 hours a day, he’s now 10 months, is crawling and cruising and has magically started having epic naps and sleeping through the night, which I didn’t think was possible! I haven’t changed a thing, I think he’s just finally tiring himself out.

My rambling point (I swear there is one), is that I personally think it’s about just finding what works best for you both and not worrying too much about how it ‘should’ be.

That doesn’t help much with the downtime element, admittedly. I’m still working on that mysellf!

You don't sound selfish OP, I wanted the same. I just don't think I realised that lots of babies rely on you so much for naps in the early days. Some babies will do it, and I am still jealous! But neither of mine did. They've both been so aware of what's going on (and when you put them down!)

For what it's worth, my first DD is 2.5 now, sleeps 11/12 hours a night without disturbance and still naps for up to 2 hours a day, all in her own bed. She is an absolute joy. Still very aware of what's going on around her, very inquisitive. Happy and bright as a button. You'll get there!

Thank you, I’m a first time mum and haven’t had much experience with babies, hence all the googling and thinking my baby should be doing whatever the “experts” say. I keep forgetting just how young he is, he seems and looks so much older than 10 weeks!

Instead of getting him in his cot for a nap this morning, I just cuddled him and he fell asleep in minutes, I guess I just have to be his human bed for a while and get things done when he is awake!

Quick question...when did everyone start trying to get them in some sort of nap rountine and to start falling asleep in their own cot/crib?