I really need help. Exhausted.

[HopelesslyHopeful87]

DD is 21 weeks. Yes I know this is probably part and parcel of the 4 month sleep regression but I can't do this any more. I'm currently sat here in tears after being up with her every half an hour last night. She does not do any long stint of sleep.

Last week we were on holiday and she slept through for three nights but home again and it's back to shit. I can't cope. I'm a wreck.

We have white noise but I don't know if it makes a difference although it was on all night on those nights she slept through. She isn't waking hungry she's just waking. Not screaming crying so not in pain just whining but won't resettle herself. Needs dummy back in or reposition. She is in her own room already which is upstairs and our bedroom us downstairs. we were all disturbing each other so moving her before 6 months was a well thought out decision but at that time she was only waking once or twice.

It literally is getting worse by the day to the point of last night where I don't think it could get any worse.

Someone please help make something improve. Happy to answer any questions about routine etc.

If it's the dummy falling out waking her up i would take it away. Will be hard for a couple of days but worth it. I have heard loads of parents say the same thing about their babies waking up when the dummy falls out.

Bless you, my twins were just like this. And I’m afraid the four month regression was a disaster for them and took a very long time for things to improve.

I’d do whatever you can, probably bring them back into your room so that it’s not as hellish having to get up and down. Definitely white noise, blackout blind and sleeping bag

We have blackouts, sleeping bag and white noise. We had the sheep but it's shit and lasts only 20 minutes so I bought a proper machine off amazon.

I just don't feel like this will ever get any better 😭

Bless you, it will get better, my 3 yo still comes in most nights, but the 6&8yo not so much....
Do you have support? Could someone else settle her whilst you sleep?

I my house, nothing worked, except time..... good luck!

I have just come out the other side of this.
What really helped my wee girl was Anbesol, teething pain relief.
I didn’t realise that part of the reason why she was waking was because her gums were hurting. After I rubbed the medicine on she slept 3-4 hours in a row. Whereas previously she was waking hourly.
And a week or so after sleeping better we now have a wee tooth popped through last night!!
Apparently their gums aren’t so bad during the day as there is other things to distract them, but at night, it’s dark and quiet and all they can focus on is the pain, so they keep waking. That’s what I read online anyway.
I got it over the counter on the minor ailment scheme, but probably costs about £2/3? Hope this helps!

I did wonder if she was teething because she's been fussy on her bottles for the past three days and been chewing on the teats instead of taking the milk. I'll try some calpol and teething gel. I have the anbesol one already so thanks for your suggestion.

I don't really have anyone that can help. DP works really long 17 hour shifts and helps where he can but he really needs to sleep at night. I have other dc too so it's pretty exhausting.

Can you cosleep? I wouldn’t get rid of the dummy as it’s just a phase that it keeps falling out.

I really don't want to get rid of the dummy. I know she will learn to put it in herself soon enough.

Cosleeping isn't for me. Our bed is small and DP would have to have the sofa which is broken and that's really unfair. He's a big bloke and I don't think I could do it safely. It isn't for us.

Months 4 and 5 were hellish for me. Waking every 45 mins - 90 mins, awake for long periods, didn't nap well etc etc. I also couldn't cosleep if all 3 of us were in bed, and just me and the baby wasn't really an option.

Not sure exactly what worked but things improved when I moved him into his own room and proper cot at 6 months. I also started getting into his cot to feed him as otherwise he'd just wake as soon as I put him down or 10-20 minutes later. Might be worth a go if that's possible for you?! Full disclosure: I did fall asleep in the cot quite a lot, but at least got some sleep myself! Had a blip at 7 months when he got his first teeth, but went back to normal after that.

He's nearly 10 months and has finally slept through a handful of times. Was waking 2-3 times a night until he started crawling and is now pretty much down to 1 wakeup.

Into the cot?! Good God I think it'd collapse 😂

She doesn't tend to wake as soon as I put her down. She feeds at 7.30 and goes down fine, sleeps til maybe 11pm and from then it's every half hour, 45min, hour at the most. She's clearly hungry by 1 30am so I feed her then and she sleeps for maybe an hour after that and then back to wake ups until 6am when I put her in with me when dp up for work.

Back to school run next week so have to get up then anyway so that'll be that.

In the day routine:

8am - 7Oz milk
9am - nap
12pm - 7oz milk
1pm - nap
4pm - 7oz milk
5pm - nap
7pm - bath
7.30 /8pm - 7-9oz milk

Obviously this is variable depending on length of nap etc.

Mine's a cot-to-toddler bed thing. I assumed it must be strong enough for a parent to sit on while reading to them, so just bit the bullet and got in!

I think we had it the other way around- frequent wakeup at the start and then a short stretch in the middle. Probably easier to deal with than being up all night, much sympathy.

My son's room is just across from ours, so close we don't need a monitor- I started sleeping with one earplug in so I'd sleep through the fussing (or at least not be woken fully) but would still wake up if he actually cried. Might not be workable with upstairs/downstairs rooms?

Otherwise, could you try bedtime an hour later in the short term so you could go to bed at the same time and at least get a few hours in yourself? I did that in the early days and found if I got a few hours at the start, I could cope a lot better.

I also tried just going in and giving him a toy to cuddle if I knew he wasn't hungry, and let him whine/complain a bit as long as I didn't think he was actually distressed.

I don't think I can move her bedtime later. She's definitely ready for bed by that time. It used to be 7pm but we moved it to 8pm because I thought it was too early and it seems to suit her this way round.

She does have reflux but it is well controlled with medication and I don't think it is that that's causing her to wake. I do think however she might be hungry but she can't tolerate large quantities of milk as she vomits a lot. And we're obviously too early for BLW as I had planned.

I would be happy to leave her when she isn't actually crying but she actually squeals and it wakes the whole house and I don't want the other kids to be too disturbed.

I might try a night with no white noise - it can't get much worse can it - and see if it's having a detrimental effect instead of a positive one.

DP has took her out for a walk for her nap and to let me have a sleep but I'm so overtired I can't switch off.

Any chance you could try an 8pm bedtime for yourself, even if just resting a bit rather than actually sleeping? Obviously not every night but might give you a break. The whole not being able to sleep when you finally get a chance thing is bloody awful. More sympathy.

Good luck with it, hope it improves. It did for us, though not sure how much of it was anything I actually did and how much was him just moving out of that phase and into the next. I think sometimes it's more just a case of figuring out how to cope with a situation rather than actually being able to fix it, alas.

Yes I am going to bed super early tonight that's for sure.

She is most definitely teething. Barely finished any bottles today, licking her gums and smacking lips, red cheeks, zero naps and general grouchy all day. She's back in with us tonight even if it makes things easier for me.

I have paracetamol, brufen and anbesol. And will dream feed at half 10 to try and get a bit more formula in her today.