4 year old now getting up 2-3 times a night - help!

[Mo2]

DS1 (4.8) has, until recently, been a fairly good sleeper. However in the last 3-4 weeks he's started waking up about 12 - 12.30, often scared and in a panic about something - bugs, spiders, or sometimes just with seemingly an 'urgent' need to tell me something (e.g. last night it was "when I go to big school (Sept) I won't see X anymore will I?"

Sometimes he's then up again once or twice more in the night. Sometimes he comes and wakes me up and then says nothing, and seems quite happy to be just put back to bed. Of course by this time I've been woken up once or twice and am beginning to get ratty and horrible. Sometimes (especially when he's in a panic/ upset) it almost seems like he's not really awake, although he can be very lucid in the conversations he has with us?

I can't qute work out what's going on. Is this a 'normal' development at this age? My initial thoughts are:

• particularly active mind at this age
• hot weather perhaps disturbing his sleep
• is he thinking/ worrying about starting school/ leaving nursery etc

During the day he's a really happy well-balanced little boy who is keen to go to big school etc etc

In the morning he hardly seems to remember anything about the evening before, so it seems inappropriate to tell him off, but equally we want him to stop getting up unless he is really scared.

Any similar experiences?

Have had this experience with all 4 children. It is something that will pass but you tend not to expect it because you think sleep disturbance is only a baby issue. My daughter of 10yrs is the worst, and still has nights where something has 'scared' her although they very infrequent. Definately no use telling him off - he is seeking reassurance and is genuinely frightened during the night. Keep an eye on what he is watching on TV - sometimes that can be a trigger.

Yes. dd1 did this a few months ago. I ended up getting quite strict and telling her that mummy was tired and fed up with getting up in the night so she was only to come if it was an emergency. LIke your ds, she had lots of worries - we talked about them a lot in the day, even if she wasnt particularly bothered then. There was one thing that was really getting to her, we discovered. Once that was sorted, she is back to sleeping through quite happily.

So sympathies and I am sure it is just a phase. FYI, dd1 is the same age and a lot of her worries were definitely to do with starting school - more particularly that her sister would be staying at home all day with mummy.

before you all think I am mean, a lot of dd1's getting up was for a drink of water, for me to tidy her dollshouse (yeah right! at 4am!) and only occasionally because of nightmares. Although she was obviously stressing about something I did feel that I could be a bit strict about those kind of wakings...

Thanks Mears - yes the TV thing had crossed my mind too, although he doesn't normally watch anything too violent etc.

Last night he seemed particularly upset that the glass of water in his room might be 'dirty' - bizarre - think it was related to the fact that before he's gone to bed we'd removed a spider + web from the corner of his room!

Enid - 'tidy her dollshouse' - that made me laugh - that's EXACTLY the sort of thing I mean.... e.g. at 3.30 am "Mummy - we must put the tent pegs in the bouncy castle, or else it will blow away....." Yeah right - what - right this minute??

Mo2 - made me laugh too - sounds like its just the same kind of phase - not so funny at 3.30am though is it

Ummm - no - but it's nice to know we're not alone!!

hiya Mo2

Our ds has always been (still is) a terrible sleeper, but once he got to about 4 we could start to do sticker charts / rewards with him. They worked a treat and sorted out particularly bad periods of sleeplessness. Put the chart beside bed where she can see it!

Everyone goes into periods of light sleep during the night, but we learn to turn over and go back to sleep - it sounds like your dd is rousing herself to full awake - so this is what you need to tackle. She can teach herself to go back to sleep if the incentive is 'worth her while'! For my son it was Thomas trains.

Have always found that 'bribery' is the best form of discipline!!!

I agree with Rebi ...
We had this with DS (who is also 4.8) about 3 months ago ... it was a nightmare because I couldn't believe I had a 3/4 month old baby that slept through the night and a 4 year old that was getting up 2-3 times a night ...
He was scared, needed a wee, wanted to play, have a cuddle, you name it ...
We solved the problem with a sticker chart:
Draw a big round face on a big piece of paper ... around the face and hair put the number 1 to 21 (at the end of the strands of hair, around the ears, nose, eyes and mouth). Every night your child sleeps all night without waking you up they get a sticker. After 7 stickers give them a treat (decide together first what the treat is) and then another after 14 and a bigger one at 21 ... (DS got a couple of cheap toys for the first two and then went to play mini golf with his dad at the end).
It worked ... I thought it would take a few nights for him to get the hang of it but he slept through from day 1 ....