13 mo old keeps waking at night - for 2 hours a time!

[MamehaSan]

Posting at 4:50am because he's up again ffs!

He keeps waking up, between 2am and 4am, and staying awake for up to 2 hours. We keep him in his room and try and get him back to sleep, but he screams. It's driving us potty. And ideas what to do?

His day looks like this:

7am - get up
11am - nap (at nursery: for 45 minutes plus, at home he can have anything up to 2 hours)
7:30pm - he's normally asleep around now

I don't think he sleeps enough during the day but he won't go down any earlier, and there isn't time for a second nap without it affecting him going to sleep at bedtime (although if he's only had a short nap at nursery they do sometimes get him to have a second, 45 min top up in the afternoon). An earlier bedtime is difficult due to work and fitting in dinner etc, and when we've tried it usually just results in an earlier screaming session in the night.

He eats well during the day, he's been night weaned for months (except when he's ill), he's not too hot or cold afaik. Teeth are probably playing up a bit buy if he seems "chewy" at bedtime we give him Calpol, which doesn't seem to make any difference.

He managed about a week of sleeping through a few weeks ago but then got ill and it all went out the window again, so I know he can do it... just how???

What happens when you go in to him when he wakes in those early hours? Do you put the light on? Chat to him?

We keep the light off, no chatting etc. When he wakes we leave him for a minute or two to see if he's going to settle, then if not we go in and pick him up. Then we have a choice... if we want him to stay quiet, we have to keep holding him - it can take up to two hours for him to drop off again, and if it's DH doing the holding then at some point in the two hours DS will kick off anyway and start flailing trying to get down (so DH puts him in the cot). If we can't face two hours of it, we put him back in his cot - if he stays quiet at this point we try and leave the room... then he kicks off.

Last night he was awake for about an hour, I did a sort of pick-up-put-down thing with him. Went in when he kicked off, snuggled him until he quietened down, back in the cot, leave, wait a couple of minutes, repeat. I'm wondering if we need to do something like that, we can't go on like this...

Well you know yourself by the sounds of things that a second nap is more likely to help him sleep at night, my 14 month old acts exactly the same way, if she doesn't get two naps during the day we know we run the risk of having a horrible night with her. It's a really long time from late morning until 7.30pm at that age, is there absolutely no way another nap can be shoehorned in? Even if it's just 30mins at 4pm?

What stage is he at with walking? That can also have a big impact on sleep too around this age?

It might be worth trying a bit of water or milk when he wakes up for a couple of nights when he wakes up. It might seem regressive when you have already successfully night weaned but if he's hungry because he's going through a growth spurt it might only be temporary.

Sadly too sometimes there is no cause other than it's just a phase and things will settle themselves down naturally in a few weeks any way.

Thanks for the reply, pastabest (and sorry for my slow response, life gets in the way of MN sometimes!).

Re the afternoon nap, I can sometimes get a second one in if he has an earlier morning nap, otherwise he's just not interested. And if I leave it too late he wom't go down at night (think screaming between 8 and 10 pm).

Wlaking-wise, he's pulling himself up to standing and furniture cruising, nothing unaided as yet. He was a month prem so he's always been a few weeks behind with his physical milestones (though I know walking age does vary anyway).

We do have a cup of water handy at night if he wakes up, sometimes he has a few sips and other times he doesn't want any. I definitely don't want to get back into feeding him overnight again - he went through a spell where he was waking several times a night and I ended up feeding him, but he still didn't go back to sleep so we don't think hunger was the reason for him waking.

He's been at nursery today and has had a half hour nap at 1pm. That's it. They tried to get him to sleep several times throughout the morning but he wasn't having any of it, and they couldn't get him back to sleep after he woke either. They boy just doesn't like sleep. Sigh.

Mine did this at 13 months and we did something that really worked...

Woke her up at 6am and opened the curtains.
After just 2 mornings of this she stopped doing the night waking, we read an article about sleep debt build up and circadian rhythms and it seems to have done the trick a few months on.
Good luck.

I'm a Mum of 6 so have totally different dynamic to some people and would generally tend to leave to cry at 13 months.. (unless hysterical) But a few things to think of that may help..
Get blackout blinds/curtain liner if the room gets even abit light with the sun..
Is he too hot or cold, check his back/chest not hands/feet
Could you give him some supper to line his stomach before bed, some kids have fast metabolism and can't go that long without food/milk. I'd suggest maybe toast and a cup of milk before bed
Does he have a dummy? I make sure my kids lose the dummy by 2 years but it can help with teething.
I also have a cot projector which I love if a cry or a bang on the cot it has a sensor and automatically plays soothing music with a picture on the ceiling. Either that or a night light may help!
If his crying has suddenly come out the blue I'd suggest teething pain, but if it's all the time it's a sleeping habit you can hopefully change!
Also has he had his 1 year vaccination that can knock the sleeping out for a couple of weeks and make them abit off.

He's 13 months so you probably know all of what I've said anyway but I know what it's like to have brain got when your really tired so sorry if I was stating the obvious and good luck hopefully his sleep regression passes soon xx

Brain fog** I meant sorry xx

The idea of sleeping for one solid block is pretty cultural. There’s a theory that we are supposed to have 2 blocks of sleep separated by a short period of wakefulness. My DD did the same. We went with it. I sometimes have periods of getting up for a couple of hours at night and doing something useful before going back to bed.

Just thought a biological point might be helpful.

My DS is 14 months, I wake him from his fist nap as if left he's sleep 2 or more hours which means no smaller nap later on. Then he has a shorter nap at 3. DS wouldn't last if he was up at 1 to bedtime.

I could have written this myself. The only difference is that we have dropped to one nap because DD was refusing her 10.30 nap and bedtime was becoming a 1-2 hour ordeal. Both much better now but the night time waking is KILLING ME.