Help - dd sleep a nightmare after vomit incident

[braid]

My 21 month dd2 threw up in her cot from crying last week and ever since has been a nightmare to settle. She has never slept through but went back to sleep after a breastfeed. Now she clings on to me and fights her sleep. I want to wean her and teach her to go to sleep on her own but the vomiting incident seems to have really shaken her up. She is developing very rapidly at the moment and I don't want to do cc as she is now someone you can talk to. She threw up after I left her cying needing to go out and her Dad was trying to settle her. Has anybody got any strategies for me? I feel I have let her down by letting her learn to go to sleep on the boob and not in her cot. Her sister learnt from an early age to sleep in her cot and has always been a better sleeper.

Is it possible she can still smell the vomit? Perhaps some frebreze on the mattress (much as I loathe putting chemicals near little ones), or perhaps some lavender oil?

Also it sounds like she feels insecure and she needs you more than her dad and she's learned that only you can settle her. But don't feel guilty. My DD is the same and it's fine. It' quite flattering actually although a PITA if you want someone else to help with the bedtime routine.

Could BOTH of you put her to bed for a few days so she learns you are both there keeping her safe?

Sorry, forgot to say, it may be she's picking up on your nervousness around bedtime. If you can, try and appear relaxed and happy.

Thx wmmc. There is definitely an insecurity thing. Before the vomit incident she was learning to have a breastfeed and then go to sleep in her cot. Since the bad evening she will not do this and will not settle unless she is soundly asleep on my boob. The worst time is in the night. Today I've been up since 4.30 am as I couldn't get her to go back to sleep since then. I think because she is not quite so tired the insecurity about being put down in her cot really kicks in. I'm nervous about letting her have a cry because of the previous throwing up though when I'm at the end of my tether I do let her have a wail but then I end up going back in to her before she's back to sleep so that seems entirely fruitless. Even before the vomit incident she was starting to be more difficult to settle at night which has been driving my desire to wean her. I would like to get dh to put her to bed as part of the weaning process and feel we may have to cold turkey it. I'm sure she's picking up all sorts of emotions from me.

TBH, if I were you I would just go back to bf to sleep. You have not let her down by previously getting her to sleep this way. Why do you want to wean just now? I think she may be letting you know she is not ready yet. I wouldn't let her cry at all atm, I would aim for no stress at all at bedtime until she is settling more easily, take the pressure off all of you for a while, then maybe think about gentle ways of weaning if that's what you want.

Have you thought about trying her in a bed? Perhaps you could gradually try to get her used to both of you lying down with her while she goes to sleep, then maybe try with just dad?

Thanks Tatties. Yes my initial reaction was just as yours. Go back to bf to sleep and build up her confidence etc. And that is what I've been doing even if it took an hour in the evening and an hour at night. But now when its not working at all at night I'm starting to wander.
Also I have thought about a bed. I think she would love it. Likes to emulate her sister in her bed etc. I've been putting it off because I have guests coming in July and one of their daughters could sleep on the bed I was going to put dd2 in.
I haven't wanted to wean until very recently - just prior to the vomit incident when she was not settling any longer at night with bf. She is getting grown up in many ways and it just feels like the next natural thing for her - and me. She's been teething recently (incisors which are taking for ever to come through) and I think hanging on the boob for comfort and I suppose my patience is spent. Also another recent factor is that dh and I have decided to have a go at getting pregnant again so I suppose that will be contributing to the mix.
Thanks for the reassurance about not having let her down. But I do want her to learn to go to sleep on her own - happily!

Braid, it's two steps forward and one back I'm afraid. Go easy on both yourself and her and don't worry too much. My DD was feeding to sleep for ages and now I've found she's just sort of grown out of it.

Yes, it just feels like another one of those developmental leaps where you have to feel your way into how to do things next. After our sleep short night dd2 has been pretty perky all day. Poor old mum isn't though.

Braid - I have to say (very quietly) I try to breastfeed lying down at all times so I can have a kip

You have my sympathies. My d.d was and still can be exactly the same if not worse. She has never slept through the night, and would never go in her bedroom after a certain age (Bout 11 months.) I created a bit of a monster there, but being desperate for sleep and alone, gave in and let her sleep with me. She vomits on demand if left to cry even for 1 minute.
She's now 26 months, and I have got her in her own bed and only waking briefly in the night for a bottle which I am gradually watering down.

It does come right, unfortunately sometimes at their pace with our guidance. Good luck tho. It's bloody hard work.xx

EastbourneGal you have my total respect if you are mothering on your own. I have times when dh is away for a few days and it brings me to my knees. You say vomit on demand. I've mever beem sure how voluntary or involuntary it is. She's always done it even as a baby if she cried too hard. And at times when I hear her gagging I do say quite firmly, "don't do that" and it does seem to stop so I assume she has some control. Still its pretty effective at stopping me letting her cry a wee bit. Glad your dd is getting there. Managed one undistburbed night since vomit and last night I did get her down again at 4.30 though it took half an hour. We live in hope. If I decide to go for the weaning the crunchf will come.

Being a single parent obviously has its many moments, but tbh, I have found getting her sleep routine in place soooooooooo much easier on my own - coz it's consistant for her. She used to try and play me n ex off against eachother n get confused. With just one parent doing it (either taking turns ev other night) they know where they are a bit more.

My ex has always done anything for an easy life before now, n given in to her coz he cant bare her crying.....but after doing the hard bit myself and having a talk to him, coz he was confusing her routine when he had her on a sat night, he's now doing what I do n shes starting to go through the night! woo-hoo.

All been worth it, and doing it on my own has given me a sese of achievement!