Really anxious about SIDS

[DreamGhost]

I should start by saying I suffer from anxiety although I'm not currently on any medication. DS2 is 9 weeks old and I've suddenly become really worried about him dying of SIDS.

We co sleep, just me and DS - DP sleeps in another room. He doesn't have a pillow obviously and I try my best to keep my blanket off him. I'm breastfeeding him and sometimes I feed him lying down on my side and we fall asleep cuddling.

I have tried putting him in the co sleeping crib but he won't settle and I really love the closeness co sleeping brings.

But this anxiety has really taken hold. I really cannot bear the thought of losing him. I don't smoke or drink but the advice I'm reading is conflicting. Some studies say co sleeping lowers the risk of SIDS and others say never bed share.

Can anyone reassure me or should i try and get him in the crib ASAP?

Strictly speaking, the general advice in the UK re safe sleeping is that the safest place for a baby to sleep is flat on their back in their own empty cot/crib/basket. However, the reality is that this is just not always possible for some babies. There’s so many dos and don’t. For example they say BFing gives a lesser risk of SIDS than bottle feeding, however it’s totally normal to bottle feed. The risk re cot bumpers is well written however parents still decide to use them. As with everything regarding parenting it’s about doing your research, and making a decision that is right for you and your baby.

I’m sure everyone worries about SIDS, it’s totally normal. However in my opinion it’s about managing the risks and deciding what level you are comfortable with. It sounds as though you are safely cosleeping and if it gets both of you plenty of rest I’d go with it. IMO cosleeping is so natural and baby cuddles are lovely in the early days. We spent a lot of the first 4 months co sleeping as he wouldn’t always settle in his next to me and he’s BF so it was just so easy. DP slept in the bed aswell so we all stayed together. You’re doing nothing wrong, you’re following your instincts and doing what’s right for you. Consleeping is the norm in many cultures.

You may find as he gets older he will be more settled and happier to sleep alone. DS is 10 months now and will not sleep with us under any circumstances, even when ill- he likes his own space and that’s something I never imagined in the early days!

the advice I'm reading is conflicting

This should be the main source of your research on SIDS recommendations, since these are the official guidelines so no need to be conflicted:

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

As the previous poster said, SIDS Safe Sleep Guidelines are not about eliminating all risk, but they are about reducing risk as much as possible. It is then the parents prerogative to decide how best to manage the risk.

It’s totally normal to be super anxious when you have a new baby, op. It will calm down, it’s just hormones and sleeplessness and love and responsibility and oh my god what have I done to my life and oh my god I love you more than anything in the world and I don’t know what I’m doing!!!!! You’re doing a brilliant job, you’re co sleeping safely, there are no guarantees in life but try and live in the moment and know, in this very moment, all is well.

I agree that it is very normal to be super anxious about SIDS especially in the early days. I would check and check and check on DC, the video monitor was my saviour as I could easily see and hear DCs breathing. I personally couldn’t co sleep but each to their own. It does get much much easier and you will gradually become less anxious.

I think what you’re feeling is totally normal, I was very anxious about SIDS in the first 6 months, practically every other sentence was “is she still breathing?” but for some reason when she got to 6 months my anxiety dropped, a lot. I think it was because I’d read that the risk of SIDS is lower after 6 months.
If it’s really bothering you try speaking to your health visitor and see if they can reassure you.