13 month old DS still can’t self settle

[Aarushmum]

Hi ladies, I’m a FTM and my DS is now 13 months old. He’s never been a good sleeper, never slept through the night. He needs to be breastfed or rocked to sleep. He wakes 4-5 times every night and won’t go back to sleep without a feed. Sometimes he would cry even after feeding and needs to be rocked to sleep. We have been co sleeping to make things easier and when he wakes up he just rolls over and starts feeding but sometimes it can go on for an hour and I don’t even realise is because I’m so tired.

Last month we went to India to visit family and we were back only last week. All the jetlag and his cold and teething.. last night he was up every 15 mins and needed to be rocked.. I really want him to sleep better.. I don’t mind if he sleeps next to me I just want him to sleep through.. I don’t want to let him cry it out. I’m also trying to wean him but he doesn’t seem to be ready. He eats well and has snacks as well but still demands for a feed just for the sake of it. I have a feeling it might get slightly better if i stop breastfeeding but that is also really difficult.. I’m tired all day and I feel like a failure.

Sorry for long post.. but does anyone have any suggestions how to gently get him to sleep on his own without rocking/feeding? Thanks in Advance!

We had the same. He needs to learn to fall asleep by himself with little to no help. How you achieve this is your choice...

We went down the CC route. We really didn't leave him to cry for very long - only a few minutes at the time and he wasn't screaming, just complaining. It took around an hour the first night and he slept through for the first time in his life (was 1ish at the time). Second night he cried for 10-15 minutes (not on the trot, we kept going in but not picking up). Third night he fell asleep immediately and he's been amazing ever since.

I breastfed him for another 6-7 months, this wasn't an issue. I just fed him downstairs before his bath so he wouldn't fall asleep on the boob and also first thing in the morning. If he's poorly it all goes out of the window and he comes into bed with us.

It's really really tough but the sooner you do it the easier it should be. And my DS was a much happier little boy once he started sleeping properly. Looking at old photos now, he had bags under his eyes!

Thanks for your response .. I wish I was strong enough to try CC! I could never do it... I have read about the Jay Gordon method.. it is gentler but does involve some crying.. i’m waiting till he is all better then i’m going to try night weaning..

And .. if I don’t do anything about it is he gonna keep doing this forever?

He isn't going to do it for ever, and haven't done anything wrong by doing what you have. 13 months is a time of massive development, plus like my 13 month old, possibly teething molars too. Ds was waking every 10-30 minutes last night, it's tough. But then some nights he goes for much longer stretches, he a human, it's normal to sleep more soundly some nights. I probably will night wean him at some point, I did with DD at 16-17 months. I cuddled her back to sleep for the first feed every night and then joined her and fed on demand for the rest of the night .Gradually she was only waking once or twice and was 50/50 sleeping a straight 10 hours by 2. It's your choice, you don't have to night wean if you don't want to, self settling isn't something babies HAVE to be able to do.

My DS wouldn't go to sleep alone until he was about 3.5years.

BUT then a switch just flicked, we'd tuck him in, tell him to roll over, turn off the light and he was asleep until morning.

And I don't think it was anything we did or didn't do, because his brother slept through from 8 months, with no more effort or different treatment from us (he's scared of the dark though, unlike big brother who doesn't care).

Thank you ladies I feel a bit more positive.. I suppose i’ll just let him grow out of it... I always felt like i had done something wrong..

I so much want to have another baby but thinking about going sleepless for another year really scares me..