Sleep training

[MummyMallett]

Received an email about sleep training so I was having a little read and closing your baby’s bedroom door and letting them cry is one of the methods people are actually suggesting 🤦🏼‍♀️. Who in their right mind would just leave their baby to cry until they are so exhausted they fall asleep? This is child cruelty. End of! Even if a baby’s only crying for attention, why would anyone not want to give them that? I have the neediest kids known to man, just tonight I’ve had to kiss Ones face a million times before theyd go to sleep and then check on the other every five minutes until they went to sleep. One will wake up needing more kisses and the other will wake up needing a kiss and tucking back in before they go to sleep most nights. But really so what? Whats a little kiss and cuddle? They are both extremely bright and get all the sleep that they developmentally need. I could never let my child get so distressed they literally just cry themselves to sleep and only stop this over time because they realise no matter how upset they are and how much they cry no one gives a shit. Nah not on at all!!!

OP - never say never.

A close member of my family used to support attachment parenting with all her passion. She was also convinced love, kisses and cuddles will solve anything in the "child-parent" relationship. She swore she would never consider leaving her children to cry even for a single minute and she also used to say forcing anything on babies "until they are developmentally ready" is "beyond cruel". She could have written your initial post 8 years ago.

Her approach worked great with the first baby. She became even more convinced her parenting ethos is the way (and the only way) forward. And then she had a baby number two...Sweet, bright, very alert from birth but also very strong willed and very stubborn. The little girl completely dropped all her naps at 12 months. She hardly slept during the night. At 18 months the LO was still waking up every hour and demanding prolonged cuddles.

The parents tried every single gentle and eventually less gentle method they could think of. Everything failed. Both parents worked full time and they were completely exhausted. When the LO was 18 months, they decided to do hard core CIO. They will never admit to anyone outside of the family but it was the only thing that actually worked... Never say never.

Right now my family member and her husband are expecting baby number 3 (due any day now) and they are adamant they will follow a routine from day one.

I think controlled crying has its place. There are very few people who would do cry it out (shut the door and leave until morning irrespective of how upset the child gets). There’s a big difference between the two.

In this case I can definitely say never. If you leave your child to cry it is child abuse. All you're teaching your child is that if they are upset not to bother crying because no one will come and give them loves or fix the problem. You're stressing your baby out for no reason other than being selfish really.

Having a routine is completely different to just leaving your child to cry. Routines are very positive things for everyone