7yr dd had developed 4am waking

[LOLMUM]

I'm hoping Emsiewill will see this, as she posted a similar problem last year, and I'm wondering if she has some words of wisdom to pass on!

My dd (our only child) is 7, nearly 8. Since March she has been waking anytime between 3am and 5 am. She then comes into our room to wake us up and either complains of a bad dream or a tummy ache. If we let her into our bed she usually drops straight back off. If not, she can bat about til nearly 6 am. By which time neither hubby nor I get's back to sleep.
She's bright (if argumentative) during the day. Being an only child she does watch TV, but as we only get home from after school club at around 6.30 pm it isn't for too long.
When this bad sleeping pattern first started she was having trouble getting off to sleep at night, but she's really tried hard over recent weeks and is now usually asleep between 8.30 and 9pm. But this nightwaking has my dh and I baffled. We just don't know how to solve it. In the end dd sleeps with me and dh goes to her bed to sleep.
Both of us work full time, so we need to sleep - but also need not to be tired and grumpy and resentful to dd in the time we do have together each day.
Any advice would be welcome. We've tried saying if she doesn't sleep through then sleepovers (for her forthcoming bday) will not happen, but she just can't seem to help waking up.
Lol's Mum

Well FWIW if my nearly 8 yo ds tried this I would tell him in no uncertain terms that it's the middle of the night, and he should go back to bed and lie there with his eyes shut until he goes back to sleep.

Genuine illness or bad dreams might merit a slightly more sympathetic response, but this has all the hallmarks of a windup imo.

Thanks for your reply frogs. I tried the "no uncertain terms" last night. I just feel like rubbish parent of the year now. She was up at 4.30 am. I gave her a sip of water, tucked back in. Then 5.30 am she's up again for a p o o (TMI). This has been the pattern. I was so tired I shouted at her. She did go back to bed - and I've no idea if she went back off.
My head tells me you're right - it must be some kind of attention seeking - but how does she PLAN to wake up at 4.30 am??? That's the bit I don't understand. I think I've been handling it all wrong. Giving in is obviously exacerpating the whole situation - but then yelling at her the way I did this morning can't be right either.
F

Hi there, I've been having this with my 6.5 yr old dd recently too - we've tried all the usual to no avail - and I'm afraid I have resorted to Medised !

There didn't seem to be anything waking mine - apart from she has been very worried about burglars lately - and also her front teeth are growing through - so I came to the conclusion it could be tooth ache waking her.

Like you it was causing us sleep problems as we both work full time too.

She's had 3 nights of Medised now and had slept till about 6.45 each day - unfortiunately her moods don't seem to have improved with the extrs sleep - but that's a whole other story !

I know it's not ideal medicating - but sometimes it's just got to be done for sanity !

I think you need to sit down with her during the day and discuss this with her properly. Tell her that it's wearing you out so much that you won't be able to do nice things with her after school (or at the weekend or whenever). Tell her how it makes you feel, and that both you and daddy are shattered during the day.

If she needs to use the toilet during the night she can do that without waking you up, she's a big girl.

I would also use punishments/bribery - i.e. no TV on days she gets up early, and a little treat (I'd go for a small novelty chocolate because that's what works for my dd ) for staying in bed until an appropriate time.

I'm sure she's not deliberately planning to wake up at 4am, it's just become a habit.

I confess I still think you're pandering to her why did you 'give her a sip of water'? Surely if she's going to need a drink in the night she can keep a bottle by her bed and help herself without needing you to get it for her? Ditto going to the loo I don't expect my nearly 8yo ds to inform me if he needs the loo in the night, I expect him to go and do it with the minimum amount of fuss and disturbance to other sleepers.

You shouldn't have to feel like rubbish parent of the year for wanting to sleep through the night, and expecting her to let you do that -- she's 7 years old not 7 months.It is NIGHT TIME. She should be SLEEPING. The only things she could possibly require at night are water and the loo, both of which she should be able to manage by herself. Anything else can wait till morning.

We told ours she could only wake us in an emergency - like being sick, having a nosebleed or a nightmare. She has woken us every night saying she has one of them since - lies every time.

In fact one night she woke us up to say "I'm having a nightmare - what IS a nightmare actually ?"

Medised rules !!

yes, I agree with frogs, it's a habit.

What is she eating in the evening? Is she having too much fruit/veg late on, it could be making her need a poo early on in the morning. I would try and make sure she isn't eating too late at night.

Also, is it possible that her tummy is hurting? When I get bad reflux/heartburn, 3-4am is exactly the time I wake up.

I would have a close look at her diet as well as all the behavioural techniques just in case there is something obvious there that can be changed.