2 month old twins won't sleep during the day! Losing my mind

[LyndseyC]

Hi, just looking for some advice on twins sleeping.

We have 2 month old non identical twin boys. During the day I find it extremely hard to get them to go down for naps, I know they are still young however they can't seem to get a nice deep sleep. They constantly wake crying in and out of sleep. I have tried to pin point any problems, I think D may have a little bit of reflux/basically heartburn so I'm trying him with carobel which seems to be helping as he goes down okay (usually non stop crying). However he also has an inguinal hernia which I think makes him uncomfortable when he needs to poo. Tho he had a BM last night and the hernia has reduced. But still they continue to wake constantly during sleep. D more than the J. I feel they are too young for controlled crying, however sometimes if I don't go in straight away they do settle but 5 minutes later, crying again but clearly tired.

When they were born until around 4/5 weeks they slept in mamaroo chairs during the day, then Moses baskets at night. They began to get really fussy in the chairs, so I then tried a travel cot downstairs sleeping together for around 2 weeks but again they never slept deeply etc. So this week we built their cots and trying them in their own room for naps during the day (with monitors) J can sleep fine most times (good days and bad days) but D just can't settle into a good sleep. I'm at my wits end with the crying, I go in everytime to shhh and put the dummy in. They have a myhummy white noise bear, in sleeping bags and in seperate cots. I don't know what's wrong, is he over tired? Has he got a bit a heartburn/reflux? Does he not like the cot? I just want them to get a good deep sleep, I'm feeling anxious everyday about the crying and I hate not being consistent with sleeping arrangements.

I don't understand as they will sleep good length of times at night. E.g. last night they fed at 12 and slept until 7??? I've even tried naps in the Moses baskets. I will take any advice!!!

Sorry I don’t have any advice as my little girl was the same and I was pulling my hair out. Nobody has any sympathy (in my experience) when your baby doesn’t sleep in the day, only at night. But when you’re trying to deal with a cranky, restless baby who will not nap for love nor money it’s just so difficult. The only thing that worked was walking in the pushchair, and only walking. No stopping or popping into Tesco. Everything would wake her unless I just kept moving. I would walk for hours, it was exhausting but at least she slept.

I feel your pain. You’re doing really well xxxx

Hi Lyndsey
I’ve got 16 month old twins so can sort of understand what you are going through. Around 9/10 weeks old was the worst for me, I decided I had to do something or I was heading for a breakdown.

I used Gina Ford book for guidance as to when in the day babies should sleep. I didn’t put them in the cot in the day till much older and I ignored anything she said about feeding and night time. Around that age I would put them in the pram for naps - morning one i would push it back and forth in kitchen till they were sleeping. At lunchtime for the long nap I would go to the park and walk and walk and walk (after a few weeks I was confident enough they wouldn’t wake to sit on a bench and eat my lunch). Then back out Again to walk them for nap 3, usually just round the streets as it wasn’t such a long nap. My twins at that age would only nap in the pram no way the cot.
Good luck, it’s hard going.

Thanks for your comments! J seems to sleep no problem in the cot with the odd fussy day. I can even put him down awake and leave the room for him to go over to sleep. D however just will not sleep😭 I'm now even trying the Moses basket in the cot incase he isn't ready for the cot. He slept for around 12-12.20 today then the crying started and he's just settled again about 10-15 mins ago but I've been sitting on the floor as he seems to like to know I'm there😣 I just don't want to get into bad habits! It's hard enough as it is without having to break unwanted habits in the future. Waterdropsdown did the twins just settle eventually and go to sleep without having to be pushed? The boys do sleep when I go for walks but again, I don't want to make unwanted habits. Maybe I'm expecting too much of them at only 2 months old.

I think maybe you are expecting too much of them and yourself.
They are sleeping well at night which is great. If you need to bring them for a walk during the day for them to sleep then just do it. Fresh air for you and them would be great. There might be less crying and you could enjoy them more.

My DD started napping in her cot around 6 or 7 months (she just wouldn’t sleep in pram anymore). My son was bit later into the cot and I did controlled crying (can’t be bothered getting stick about that - it was my choice so if anyone comments I’m not coming back to the thread) but was doing that because of his night time sleeping (it was awful - I crashed my car cos of how tired I was).

I do think you are expecting a bit much at that age but also know how hard it is with 2. I don’t think you need to worry about bad habits until after 6 months personally. Loads of people struggle even with one baby so don’t beat yourself up! My mantra was always to do whatever I could to get them to sleep. It came above meeting friends, trying out baby classes, etc and that’s why I walked around like a lunatic. Two well rested babies are much easier than two overtired ones.

My twins have been in the same cot since the day they came out of their moses baskets and they've usually slept really well. They're in a cotbed so its bigger, if you want to try it, put their feet at the end of the cot and heads pointing at the middle so they won't interfere with each other. They usually cuddle up together but i think you're expecting a lot at 8 weeks. They'll go through phases of sleeping well and not sleeping well.

If they sleep in the pram, maybe the jiggling helps when they are in a light sleep. Can you try a bouncy chair and then just bounce and bounce with your toe or use the vibrate setting to see if it helps. Then if you know it is movement that helps, make a plan from there that will work for you every day and incorporate what they need.

Other things to try.... putting a moses basket next to the washing machine on full spin cycle, drivng in the car, really tight swaddling, very dark rooms.

At the moment I would just try and get them to nap somehow without you being there every minute. By about 4months they will discover their hands and will be able to self sooth a little and you can guide them towards that. Until they can self sooth, its up to you to do that for them, but with twins it needs to be a technique that is mainly hands off for you

I agree that I am expecting too much, I've realised that. It is hard when one twin will sleep perfectly anywhere but the other won't. I've tried swings, swaddling, white noise the lot. So today he slept well because I put his Moses basket in the actual cot so both boys were in the same room. However he doesn't stop crying all day and now he's not sleeping tonight :( I usually look forward to bedtime as he would sleep well but he has just cried and cried and won't sleep in the Moses basket. He eventually stopped crying but has just groaned, grumped and growled for hours unless he is in my arms. Like I said I don't want to start unwanted habits, I want to start as I mean to.go on, I'm currently holding him as a last resort but I need to sleep too. I won't co sleep, literally losing my mind with the screaming/crying 24/7, I don't know what to do

My twins slept downstairs in a big pram snuggled together until they were about 6 months old. They didnt have long daytime sleeps until they were much older though. Try not to pressure yourself or them as it makes it so much harder

If its getting very unusual, is he sick or in pain? Check all his toes and fingers for hair wrapped around them, is he snotty, is he rashy? Just double check there isnt a real reason

Hi, I think this inguinal hernia needs to be looked at. Is he waiting for surgery? It is likely to be causing at least some of the unsettled behaviour (bitter experience). In the meantime try not to let him get too upset (easier said than done I know). Thing is if it pops out and then can't go back in it is very dangerous - again, bitter experience.

With the other twin it's probably just regular fussy/refluxy behaviour and I agree walking relentlessly with the pram is kind of what works and it won't last forever. Do they have dummies?.worth pushing especially for twin with hernia. Good luck.

I've just reread your post about tonight he won't sleep. Check the hernia and if it looks red and won't go back in please straight to a&e. If it can be reduced then wait til morning and try to get gp appointment I would say.

I think I will just relax a bit about the sleeping arrangements, I'll maybe just go with whatever works.. I'm always checking the inguinal hernia, he isn't getting surgery until April and he's on the urgent baby surgery list apparently. We've been at the children's hospital 3 times already and they just push it back in. The 3rd time he was inconsolable so in a way I'm glad they seen how he gets so they take it more seriously but atm there nothing more we can do :( they both take dummies but they don't always work for D. I think maybe his nose was annoying him as he was a little congested so I was up half the night waving a tissue with snuffle oil on it to help clear his nose 😴

You could try some of the saline drops you put in their nose if they're old enough. Instant relief for them.

Is he raised head above stomach during nap times - to prevent the heart burn (just a founded towel under mattress works wonders)

It does sound as if he is in pain.
Has anyone suggested any kind of support for the hernia?
Could he have reflux or excessive wind?

Sorry to hear he's not being seen until April. He should be a lot better after surgery. Do keep an eye on it, my dc's became incarcerated and it was pretty scary. Sometimes doctors will say 'oh it shouldn't bother them' so long as it goes back in, but IME (2 hernias) that was not the case at all.

No suport for hernia, we usually get sent away from hospital after they push it in again (even tho it pips right back out) I have no idea what's wrong with him, he was fine this morning, little crying. But now he will just not stop, can't get him to sleep anywhere without crying except on us and I REALLY don't want to give in or make it a habit if he's beginning to not sleep an night. What do I do??? we shush and put dummy in 1000 times, rub his head, sit with him, cuddle him them put him back down etc etc he just cries and cries 😭😭😭 can't cope with it anymore!! I think he has some reflux but using carobel for that, we wind him really well, use dentinox which works brill for wind. I just don't know. Is it colic too?

With my twins, they would only nap in their buggy. I did used to wheel it back and forth to get them to sleep; which I know may seem like a bad habit, but for my sanity I needed them to sleep in the day!

I know one of yours has a hernia as well but for his reflux he might be better napping in his buggy if you can sit him up slightly?

Hope it all settles for you soon.

Lyndsey we found all that 'bad habit' stuff just had to go out the window until surgery had been done. Also being upright seemed to help with the pain. Maybe a dose of calpol would help?

I do have him at a tilt usually incase he does have some reflux. Tried him in the mamaroo chair today and still just crying in and out of sleep. I'm afraid if being even more stressed out than I already am when it's time to break the bad habits. I will give him calpol of the crying persists tonight

He's still so young, it can take ages to get them to nap in the daytime in their cots, it's not the same as night time which they can quickly learn. If he goes to sleep on your chest, maybe let him. If it makes him more well rested he will feel better and so will you. Keep up the good work, twins are a whole different ball game, it's more about just coping in the moment and not worrying too much about making a rod for your back.

Its absolute torture when they don't sleep isn't it :(

Remember you don't have to do the same thing for each baby so if one goes to sleep no bother in his cot that's great, keep doing that for him but you might need to use a different method for your other baby.

Maybe unsettled baby needs to be around you to get to sleep...that's ok...just go with it. You're not failing and you're not creating bad habits.

I would get the pram indoors and push/jiggle him until he's asleep then keep an ear out for him starting to rouse then push/jiggle him every time.

They may only nap for 40 minutes max, that's normal at this age. Just get them up and they should be ready for another sleep around 90 minutes after they wake up.

I've tried relaxing with the sleeping but I feel so anxious that they will be unsettled even more if I'm doing something different everyday. D is just unsettled 24/7 anyway. He won't even go to sleep in the Moses basket at night now😭 i feel so down, all I listen to is crying! When does it get easier??? During the day I don't know if I'm keeping them awake long enough or if he's having too little sleep, or too many cat naps etc. I've been trying to stick to a rough bedtime routine, bath, bottle, bed but it's just gone to sh*t for D!! Has he maybe got his day and night mixed up again?? J sleeps perfectly. I'm so frustrated, I feel like all I do is complain because I've no idea what I'm supposed to be doing with these babies 😭

You poor thing. It sounds exhausting. Most of us with children can remember phases like that when they were very small. Soothing and jiggling and juggling dummies and rocking and anything that works. But you have more on your plate. Two babies to cope with and one with a problem that may be making him more unsettled.

It sounds lke you are trying all the right things. But maybe another trip to the GP if the crying persists - trust your instincts about whether there could be an underlying reason for the crying.
Most importantly though, what support do you have? Are you getting any breaks or help with the babies. You sound desperate and like you really need a hand. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could help.