Should I even be thinking about routine at 10 weeks?

[reetgood]

First baby and I’ve got some questions about routines.

• should I park thinking about routine until he’s a few weeks bigger?
• if I’m putting him down to sleep, do I put him in a different room? I thought babies should sleep in the same room as me until he’s bigger?
• is what I’m doing now going to cause problems?

Right now we sort of have a pattern, although I’m probably breaking safe sleeping guidance. Issue is he only like to sleep on us. I’ve never put him down awake to sleep, apart from one fluke where he settled himself. When he’s in his basket/ side crib he seems to sleep less deeply then when he’s on one of us. It’s also really tricky to put him down sleepy without him pinging awake. We’re always afraid of transitions!

He is a refluxy baby, breastfed. We find he needs to be kept upright for 20mins after feeds. He feeds one boob at a time (two leads to world of reflux hurt) and feeds every 2-3 hours.

Currently we rock him to sleep or he falls asleep on the boob at around 8pm. He stays asleep on us until we decide we want to go to bed, which will probably wake him up around 10pm. That feed ideally is in bed, which may or may not lead him to fall asleep. Then we’ll put him into the bednest and he’ll sleep until 1ish. At this point I feed and often fall asleep with him on me. He then wakes potentially at 3, 5 and 7. Putting him back to sleep after feeds is tricky. I know I should be putting him in crib but the chance that he’ll wake up, and I’ll then have to spend an hour settling him by rocking him, makes me opt to keep him on me. I don’t feel that sleep deprived so I think during the feeds I drift/ am half asleep.

I’ve read about bedtime routines but keep thinking that bathing him wakes him up (well getting his clothes on wakes him up). he’s not really keen on baby massage and anything lying on his back isn’t a good idea if it’s not elevated. What do I do with him? He likes being held and rocked, so that’s what we do! It can be 5 mins or 40 to settle him.

Nooo we started a bit of a routine with DD at about 4 months but it didn't really become meaningful until nearer 6 months.

You know what I fell asleep with dd on me quite a few times in those early weeks just through exhaustion and sometimes for the exact same reasons you describe. It's really not ideal but I was more worried about proper co-sleeping for some reason so ended up with the worst of both worlds. With DC2 when they arrive if it's an issue again I intend to try feeding on my side and properly do safe co-sleeping this time.

Have you tried any sleep aids like white noise or a dummy yet?

At this stage go with the flow re routine. It sounds like you’re doing fine.

But do look at safe Co-sleeping. Lots of people Co-sleep, but there’s ways to make it safer and accidental Co-sleeping isn’t as safe as making the decision to do it and adjusting bedding etc

sorry damn phone putting random capitals in!

Thanks both! I do think the situation with sleeping on me isn’t ideal, at the same time I anticipate it being difficult to put him down in the co-sleeper cot we have once he’s fallen asleep on me. It’s often 50/50 as to whether he’ll wake or not. I was thinking about routine and advice to put down awake in relation to this.

I have done deliberate co-sleeping but my understanding is that he’s most safe when lying flat on our mattress (no duvets etc). The only issue is we can’t tilt our bed like we do his cot and that leads to endless sicking up. Not a good nights sleep!

I think the only solution I can see is to get better at transferring him to co sleeper cot post feed, with potential for lack of sleep, or continuing the risk of him sleeping on my chest. I might line up some days where we don’t need to be anywhere and try for the transfer each time. The ridiculous thing is he seems to prefer a preheated surface, so that means getting up to do wheat bag, doing a muslin down my top then putting on mattress one handed in dark, or lying with my shoulders in the cot trying to warm it up...

White noise seems to work well st keeping him settled once laid down, dummies we’ve been using most to soothe re reflux/ overtired early evening. Perhaps these could be part of the routine eventually.

I did from birth with DC1 didn’t for DC2. If I was having a third it would be routine from birth without a doubt.

Had a routine from day one.

It was a flexible routine, based around their needs but it was a routine. As in they'd be dressed and put down for bed at the same time each evening etc.

I did from a few weeks with dc1 and from birth with dc2.

Ok depends on the baby -'ain't your choice I'm afraid

My DD was first and by 13 weeks was brilliant and slept 11-13 hours every day - DS was 3.5 years later and took well over 2 years to sleep through the night

I have the same problem -baby likes to sleep on us and wakes when we put him in his cot. I suppose in an evolutionary sense babies want to sleep close to parents; separate sleeping is a fairly modern idea, no wonder they don't like it. My only suggestion is to keep trying and eventually he'll get used to it. Give him 20 mins or so on you to get into a deep sleep before you transfer him. Mine won't settle if he's put down awake, perhaps he's still too young. He needs to sleep in the same room till at least 6 months though.

Our current routine is change, sleeping bag and nightlight on, feed in bed, and hopefully baby drifts off. Doesn't always work though, and getting back to sleep after night feeds is hard; rocking to sleep then putting down and waking up, sometimes works first time and sometimes done repeatedly for hours.

@bellamuerte that sounds very familiar. Maybe he is too little. I’ll stick with the putting down asleep for now, and like you say keep trying. At 6.30 he was half awake and I thought I’d have an experiment. Put him down without worrying too much about keeping him asleep or warming bed. Bing! Coughing, wriggling, thrashing, awake. Fairly happy though, and less sicky than I’d thought.

Thinking about it we probably do have some elements of routine, that we can formalise a bit. Maybe add in a song, or noise etc. I can’t see the putting down sleepy but awake happening for a while yet, but I’ll keep trying it.

We had a routine going by about 7 months, all guided by baby.

Look up safe cosleeping.

Re safe co sleeping - can I make it work with our situation I wonder? I need to keep him elevated for 20mins post feed, or he just wakes himself sicking up. Of course this is the danger zone for night feeds. I am propped on pillows to feed him, and he falls asleep on my chest with me sat up. I can’t do side feed laying down because it involves him being flat on his back - same sicky problem.

So if I was to do safe co sleeping, I’d need to remove the pillows, so nothing to prop me up. What do people use to cover themselves? We currently have a duvet which doesn’t work with what I understand as safe co sleeping.

As I understand it, he’s also not safe sleeping on my chest, even if I don’t have pillows and duvet. So if he’s flat on his back, I have the problem of him being sick if on a flat surface.... which is why I haven’t deliberately co slept.

I’ve also read that wedges aren’t considered safe... what on earth are people with reflux babies meant to do?

A lot of it I think is what you’re comfortable with. I slept with a duvet up to my waist and had it wrapped under me. In terms of using the pillows for feeds can you move them to somewhere you can still reach them when he wakes for a feed?

Is there anyway you can raise the top of your own mattress I wonder to keep him elevated while you also rest?

@crazycatlady well that’s what I’m already doing with the duvet when he’s on me, so that’s good!

There isn’t really anywhere accessible for the pillows to go at the moment. I wonder whether for the amount of sleep I’d get with no pillows and him on his back, I may as well persevere with trying to make sure I put him down in the cosleeper cot. Which I can at least tilt more easily!