4 year old suddenly a nightmare at bedtime

[Paranormalbouquet]

My DD (4 next week) has always been a fairly good sleeper- usually we would go to bed at 730, read some stories and she would go to sleep before 8pm. Usually wakes 630-730.

For the past 3 weeks she has been a nightmare at bedtime. Point blank refusing to lie down, getting up, turning lights on, running around, coming downstairs. We’ve continuously just put her back to bed and say nothing but she’s not gone to sleep until 930pm any night this week. She’s currently singing loudly. She’s still bouncing around at 7am but presume she must be tired as isn’t getting nearly enough sleep.

Any suggestions? I’ve just had a miscarriage and am anaemic and absolutely exhausted so need to get some downtime!

Bumping for the day!

Why do you assume she must be tired? Not all children need the same amount of sleep, I understand it must be tough for you but if she doesn’t seem tired in the morning it sounds like she’s getting enough sleep!

I would put her bedtime back a bit, short term. Start the routine at 8pm. Then you cut out the stress of trying to settle her when she's obviously not tired. It eats in to your evening but for the time being it's worth a go. Sorry for your troubles.

Because 9-9.5 hours is very little for a preschooler, and she’s very ratty in the evenings. I wouldn’t mind keeping her up later but she’s yawning and cranky by 730. Just refuses to settle to sleep.

No expertise here I'm afraid, but just wanted to say that I'm sorry things have been so tough recently. The suggestion about a later bedtime seems sensible, even if it's just for a while.

Hi @Paranormalbouquet . My DD has recently had a few months like this, back to normal now though and asleep by 8pm! I just stuck with same bedtime and that she stayed in her room, me going up often to tell her to get into bed haha! I kept bedtime the same as I worried that changing bedtime would then become the new norm and then evenings would be lost forever

Thanks all, while I would like more downtime in the evenings I’m genuinely worried about her lack of sleep. She’s stroppy and tearful at the slightest thing in the evening which isn’t like her.

When my eldest suddenly went through a refusing to go to sleep stage at 2.5yrs I bought some 'most relaxing music ever' type CDs and would put one of these on for her to listen to. I'd put the volume very low so she had to lay quietly in bed to hear it. It worked a treat!

I’m reviving this to ask for help again!

Things are not getting better, if anything getting worse. DD is exhausted now and in tears every morning as she wants to stay in bed. But somehow wide awake in the evenings.

Bedtime has turned into her constantly getting out of bed, switching lights on and off, getting into my bed, constant toilet trips and taking out all her toys to play with.

We have our usual routine- snack, Bath, teeth, stories, bed. She says she’s afraid of the dark but she has 2 nightlights so it’s not that. We play instrumental music on low in background which isn’t helping either. She says she’s waiting for us to come to bed and no explaining that mummy and daddy go to bed later will placate her. It took a very long time to break the habit of sitting with her while she falls asleep so really want to avoid that!

The last few weeks she is only sleeping from around 10pm-7am and it’s definitely not enough. Any advice appreciated!

Tough love I think. No stimulation at all, no music, no talking, amber hues for the night light (blue hues can inhibit sleep). I would stand in the doorway with the aim of gradually being able to just leave. Immediate return to bed if she gets out and a firm "no, bed time" and repeat until she gets the message. It sounds like she's become accustomed to being able to do as she likes in her room. I wish too luck, we've just had a revival of sleep regression with the 2yo and thankfully managed to fix it within a couple of nights with a bit of tough love!

She says she’s frightened of the dark, I think you need to explore this a bit with her. Ask her what would make her feel safe and see if she comes up with any suggestions.

I have asked her, what she wants is for us all to go to bed at the same time and sleep beside her! She breastfed to sleep until she was 2, and until last summer one of us sat with her til she fell asleep. There was a very long gradual retreat (around 6 weeks!) to achieve her going to sleep alone so I really don’t want to go back to that. I don’t think she is afraid of the dark, she just wants the lights on to keep her awake. She’s perfectly happy to hide in a dark cupboard for hide and seek!

Ok, are there any changes going on? Is she due to start school and is worried? I’m only asking, as every single time their behaviour regressed, there was a reason.

I’d talk to her during the day, when she’s happy and relaxed. And try to get to the bottom of it.

She’s starting school in September but seems very excited about it. She’s desperate to learn to read and write and often find her trying to sound out words under the covers! So I’ve been trying to reduce stimulation before bed and getting her some exercise after nursery.

I’ve just had my 3rd consecutive miscarriage and looks like a sibling for her might not be possible. I was very down in the dumps for a while and am wondering if she’s picked up on that, although I’ve been doing my best to go on as normally as possible for her.

Still running around tonight despite having been out into bed every 5 minutes.

What I would give for a positive update on this even though it’s years later 😖🙏🏻

My four year who was a previously amazing sleeper is exactly as you have described here. It’s hell on earth. You used to be able to shut his bedroom door and that was it, he would just lay there and fall asleep. Even if it wasn’t immediate he would still stay in bed.

Now he’s up opening his bedroom door, walking about on the landing, getting books and toys out, messing up his blankets and thinking of every distraction technique possible to stop himself from falling asleep.

I’m aware some kids don’t need as much sleep but he cries and is so angry in the mornings being woken for school, his teacher tells us he’s seemed tired and he cries over going in to school after particular bouts of not sleeping until 10/10:30pm.

Praying you’re still on mumsnet to give an update to a very desperate mom over here.

@L0ts - I’m in your position (as was) and looking for hopefully a positive update? 🙏🏻

Unfortunately I don’t have the best update as he never went back to his usual self tbh! 😩 He did go through a good sleep phase maybe January until April of this year but still somewhat required you to sit in the room with him otherwise he was distraught. Some nights he was fine and didn’t mind you leaving him to it but atm he’s exceptionally difficult to leave his bedroom until he’s completely and utterly asleep. It can still take ages for him to fall asleep, for instance last night it was 10:30/11pm and he’s woken at 5am for some reason, it’s very rare he will wake that early I will give him that, it’s usually around 7am but still. Sorry to say he never went back to the sleeping patterns he had before 😩😭

@L0ts thanks for the reply anyway! I hope it somehow changes soon.