4 month sleep regression - when will it get better??

[MalvernHills32]

DS is 5mo. We were v lucky in early weeks as apart from a few hellish first nights home from hospital he relatively quickly started sleeping 3hr stints at a time at night (in co sleeper crib), then up to 4hrs, 5hrs, until around 2-3mo he was sleeping from around 10pm until 7-8am with generally only 1-2 wake ups to feed, quickly resettling. Naps ok too, and generally happy baby.

At age 4 months things started getting worse - first night wakes dramatically increased, then he started taking a long time to re-settle at night, then for the last few nights he's started refusing to go back in his crib after waking at night, so I've ended up bringing him into our bed, which means I can doze (assuming he sleeps) but sleep quality really poor. His naps are hard to come by and rarely more than 30mins (rocked or fed to sleep) and often on me. He is fed to sleep at night, although sometimes I manage to put him into his crib drowsy and shush him to sleep.

His bedtime for the last 6 weeks or so has been around 7.30 (as he started getting tired early evening around the time his nap problems started) with simple routine of clean nappy, pjs, story, sleeping bag, feed in darkened room, into bed. He normally goes to sleep ok initially although often needs resettling after 30 mins or so (sometimes more than once) then on a good night will have a slightly longer stretch of sleep (until 12/1), but other nights often wakes 2-hourly to start with, with wakes getting closer together further into the night, sometimes taking an hour or more to settle.

Feels like I've got a newborn all over again, except he doesn't nap in the day so I can't catch up, and needs entertaining when awake (which I feel too exhausted to do).

I'm aware this is probably normal but I feel like I'm cracking up and have spent much of this weekend in tears I'm so exhausted. DH took DS out for a walk this afternoon but I was just so wired I lay in bed wide awake until they got back. I also tried going to bed when DS did last night but despite being totally exhausted I didn't sleep until DH came to bed at 10, and then DS woke for a feed 30 mins later

Not sure what I'm asking really and sorry for massive ramble but I guess any thoughts on the following would be really helpful:

1. Anything I can do that I'm not already doing? DS is EBF and currently refusing bottles so DH can't help with feeds but I'm persevering with this. Not keen on leaving him to cry at this age.
2. Those of you who went through this around 4mo... when did it start to get better? Aware it's poss just something I need to ride out
3. I often see people on sleep threads advising co-sleeping to get through tough times. How does this work in practice?

Sorry - realised that post ended up huge. In summary - 5mo DS used to sleep well, now sleeps terribly, I'm exhausted. I know this is just normal baby behaviour but am struggling to cope. So -

1. Anything I can do?
2. When might things get better if I just wait it out?
3. How to safely cosleep?

You poor thing. In all seriousness I checked the name to make sure this wasn't one of my old posts. We were in exactly the same position. We would feed, rock and sing to sleep then try to get her into the cot without waking. Our low point was trying this for 3 hours, her sleeping for one, trying again for 2 hours then co sleeping, for her to sleep 5 hours straight.
Sorry to say ours got worse and worse. But see below.
Co sleeping kinda worked, sometimes we all slept in the same bed, baby under my arm, and sometimes it was just me and baby, baby was about 2 foot from edge of bed and I was perched on the opposite side. This obviously only works if they can't roll.
Can you and your other half take turns in the evenings, I'd sleep 9-12 and take over then for the night?
At 6.5 months after the aforementioned night of horror, we started sleep training. I got Dr Richard Ferber's book. The first night she rolled over and went asleep. She did cry for 90 mins in the middle of the night (you are not leaving them to just cry), whinged for a couple if hours the second night, and cried for 45 minutes the third night. That was it. We haven't looked back since. She wakes twice a night maximum, and for a spell (4-5 night) last week slept through the night.

Thanks so much @Lindah1 for your reply. Although scary to hear things could still get worse (although, really, they can always get worse!) great you've been through this and come out the other side. I'm not sure the Ferber method is right for me and DS just yet (apart from anything else I don't think I've got the willpower just at the moment) but i may feel differently in a few weeks time! Will take a look at the book. Great it's worked so well for you and your little one. Fingers crossed for many more quiet nights to come!

We coslept from the onset of 6 weeks colics to cca 6mo.

In practice, I'd go to bed with DS, but sometimes read a bit or play on my phone for an hour or so. He'd feed to sleep and then sleep touching me. Dad was on the other side of me, so me in the middle and DS between the edge of the bed and me. Bedrail on that side, no pillows on our side of the bed, both in warm pajamas + blanket up to the waist, no duvet. I slept in the recovery position to make sure I don't roll over him. When he woke up to Bf I'd latch him on and then I could go back to sleep and he'd eat for a bit, then unlatch himself.

Worked for us. The WHO have safe cosleeping guidelines, you could look at those if you decide to try.

How are you getting on Malvern?

I could have written this. DS was a good sleeper for the first 4 months then the regression hit and he wouldn't settle or sleep longer than 45 mins at a time. After a few weeks it did get better and he was back to waking once in the night. I always fed and rocked him to sleep for every wake up and it didn't create a habit. He's now three and settles himself to sleep and sleeps through. I hope it passes for you soon, the exhaustion is so hard!

Hi, we've just started to feel like we've come out of the other side of this (fingers crossed) and I very much recognise your post...

I'm afraid for us it went on for about 8 weeks, but we just had faith it would pass, didn't sleep train, kept comforting and feeding to sleep. Perhaps it could have improved quicker with a different approach.

I was on my knees, left my ability to sleep rather wrecked for a while after LO started sleeping better, so you have my sympathy.

Can you put life on hold for a bit, go to bed at 8pm, eat takeaways, and just take it as easy as you can in the day? Don't beat yourself up for feeding and comforting your baby, they do get the hang of self settling in their own time. Mine is now 7 months and can be put down awake after feeding, babbles away, then drops off to sleep. We didn't do anything to rush this, they just evolve, all at different rates.
Hang on in there if you can!

You asked about co sleeping. There is good info out there on safety and techniques eg the isis sleep site and la leche League "sweet sleep" book, but I couldn't make it work for me. Worth a try though.

Hi malvern.
No advice, but you are not alone. My ds is very nearly 4mo and his sleep has gone to pot. I'm shattered!!! Watching thread with interest.
My ds sounds similar to yours from birth so we were pretty lucky to begin with.....now it's payback! On wake up number 3 here. He is super hungry though.....not sure how to help this pass quicker. I agree to young for sleep training.
Will ride it out and pray for a miracle.
How are things with you now?
Fingers crossed for some sleep.

Hi Malvern. My biggest sympathies. I have written loads of posts like this. Ours hit at 3 months. We had 11 weeks of 45mins all night then he started doing 2 hour stretches.binwas a wreck and constantly trying to find a solution but nothing worked and I had to ride it out. He was in a next to me cot so atleast I just picked him up and fed him and plonked him back down. Hes now 6mo and can self settle but still wakes every 3 hours for feeds (he has reflux so doesnt help). We moved him to his nursery a week ago despite me being woke 6 x a night and tried pick up put down. It worked for a few days then stopped but the truth was I waant letting DS cry (hated it) so he was working out I would cuddle him if he grumbled. So then we tried gradual retreat which has worked in 3days. No tears shed just grumbles but he now goes down beautifully.

I am happy having 3 hour wake ups as its such a good improvement and I figure as he self settles he is genuinely hungry atm (he gulps so cant argue) and he goes down awake. He will hopefully tail off the feeds as he eats more food.

Hang in there. Doesnt feel like it helps but it will get better.

Should add we didnt do pupd or gradual retreat til 6mo.

I could have written this too. LO is just over 16 weeks, slept reasonably well until 12 weeks (e.g. at least 3 hour chunks, sometimes much longer, self settled etc.), but all fell apart 3ish weeks ago. It’s AWFUL. Can’t think straight I’m so tired. Up every hour, won’t settle, feeds for ages in the night (and not much in the day 🙄) and wide awake at ungodly times. My first LO didn’t sleep either, but I’d forgotten how hellish it is (6 years ago). Following for positive stories / tips - please tell me there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Losing my mind here.

Sorry OP - not much help, but lots of sympathy and understanding.

Haha Obsidian I have a six year age gap too. I've conveniently forgotten everything.

We had an almost overnight regression (waking every 90 mins at night, daytime naps no longer than 30 mins) at exactly 16 wks. EBF baby refusing bottle so DH couldn't help. Just posting now to say we are coming out the other side (24wks) and on reflection, I haven't really done anything apart from encourage daytime naps and occasionally shush pat at night.

Didn't want to bog you down with details, just wanted to post that it does get better I promise