5mo doesn’t stay asleep

[Nicolah1]

Please help me!! 5 months of sleep deprivation has me typing this with tears at 2am!
My son has never slept well since he was born. Wont bore you with all this history, but the point I’m at now is he will only fall asleep if fed (EBF) or held on my chest. After 20 mins or so of keeping him upright as he has some reflux, I put him in his cot (in my room) and he’ll sleep for 2 hours and then wake, and will cry until I pick him up and feed him again. Sometimes like tonight, he’ll wake within 10 mins of me putting him back down, and will then wake and cry every time I put him down.
I’ve tried the whole put him to bed sleepy but awake, but all that does is wake him fully and then he’ll cry. I don’t like the controlled crying, but I’m at my wits end with hardly getting any sleep.
He doesn’t nap during the day unless again he’s asleep on my chest, so I can’t even catch up on sleep during the day when he does. I dread bedtimes now, and just puts a downer on the whole experience.
Please help me!!

Poor you! I had a bad sleeper with reflux and its awful. Is he on any medication for it? The reason I ask is that if he's on ranitadine the dosage may need to be increased. The other thing I found with my ds is that the ranitadine eventually just stopped working so he had to change to omeprazole.

Snap! Sorry no advice OP but huge sympathy I'm currently up with my 4 month old

Can you co sleep? That saved my sanity until DS was 8m. We've started doing controlled crying now as nothing else worked. I hate it but it's working. He went to sleep at 8pm and I'm now doing the first night feed. However I know it's not for everyone and my answer was more to suggest cosleeping as I felt the same as you until I gave in and coslept from 5 months.

Sorry sounds within the range of normal. Is baby's father on the scene? When he's off work baby can sleep on his chest and you go for a sleep away from them both. On a week night you can go to bed when baby does but sleep in spare room or on sofa and he keeps baby company for the first part of the night. Make your sleep a shared priority.

If baby was younger I'd suggest reducing the number of feeds at night to eliminate any foremilk/hindmilk issues - despite the midwife telling me there was no such thing, DS definitely suffered with wind and discomfort from feeding too frequently and having too much foremilk as a result. Feeds should be at least 2h apart.

I know how you feel my children are 2 and 5 and I had very very similar experiences. And to be honest I think more people than your think do. But I can also say it does get easier. Also I would like to encourage you to listen to your gut, Don't do anything that doesn't feel right just because people say that a baby 'should be' doing something . I would love to recommend a book that really helped me through that time but it is only available in German. If you want to know more, let me know and I'll try to summarize it in a little more detail but essentially it says that from an evolutionary background children NEEDed to demand body contact during sleep as it used to be too dangerous to sleep alone at any time for a defenceless infant. This does not fit well into our lives today but that it is actually normal to have a child that needs body contact and that wakes up regularly to check that all is well (of course Babies that sleep alone more or less straightaway are also normal Babies they are just not as common as we would like to think). Most societies actually co-sleep even to an age of 5. Co sleeping (there are loads of different ways to do this) really helped me and it made breastfeeding easier / less exhausting than when you have to go to another room.
Try and look after yourself as much as you can,I understand sleeping during the day is difficult but other forms of recharging helped me alot too-take any help you can get! Definitely if its offered but don't be shy to ask either! If you lie in your bed while your baby is lying on your chest during the day, you might be able to nap a little.
In any case: find your way, don't do anything that doesn't feel right because someone else thinks it needs to be that way!! Societies around the world have very strong opinions about how to bring up children, they all differ greatly but most produce a substantial amount of healthy children, so there is no perfectly right way! You (and his dad) are the experts for your baby no-one else. All the best!

Dad is on the scene, but doesn't help at night as in his eyes he works, so I should be doing stuff at night. (That's a whole other thread, don't even get me started!)
We don't really have any family nearby, so there's not much help. Just feel very alone.
I can just about cope with the 2 hr feeds, I just get told so many times for his age he should be sleeping longer, which then makes me question everything. It's when he has a night of not wanting to be put down that I struggle.

I have thought about cosleeping, however really stress about if from a SID point of view. I worry about everything with him anyway, (whether he's too hot etc) so I don't know if I'd sleep anyway.
He's teething at the moment too (got 2 teeth already) which I suppose doesn't help.

He's not on medication for his reflux. He was prescribed infant gaviscon but all that did was stop him having dirty nappies and caused a few nights of screaming, so we stopped it. He doesn't really fave reflux at night, but I think It's because I keep him upright for a bit on me. If I put him down too soon, I can hear he's got liquid in his mouth and he wakes up.

Sorry to be so negative. I know everything seems worse in the middle of the night.

Hey I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I also have a baby who has been a terrible sleeper since birth (he's now 8 months). He had terrible silent reflux which turned out to be a dairy intolerance, and also a tongue tie which wasn't cut until 3 months so was feeding constantly. I also have a husband who doesn't help at night. I couldn't put him down at all for sleeps until 4 months old. Co sleeping didn't work because he needed to be in my arms and wouldn't even settle in bed next to me. It was awful and I didn't cope at all. Neither did my husband which made things even harder. Honestly it was hellish and I felt so guilty that I was struggling so much.

Ds is now 8 months and things are loads Better, he is sleeping in his own cot, waking 2 times in the night, and is generally a happier baby! I am wondering, is your baby happy in the day or quite unsettled? Does he sleep in the pram or car at all? And do you think that reflux is the main reason for sleep issues? If you do then I definitely think you should talk to your GP and see if you can get some meds (omeprazole really helped us) And have you contacted your health visitor for support? It's normal to not cope with the level of sleep deprivation that you are experiencing so don't feel guilty about feeling negative. Do try And get some support though.

It will get Better. You are doing so well, you have coped with no sleep for 5 months!! You must be very patient and resilient. It won't stay like this.

Thinking of you, I hope you manage to get a bit of rest tonight xxxx

I expect the teething is playing a huge part then at the moment so that will be disrupting him.
He may still be suffering with the reflux even though you're holding him upright for 20 mins after feeds. The reason I say that is because I now have a 12 week old (also with reflux) and before she was on her medication she wasn't sleeping at night and would just want to be held (even after keeping her upright for 20 mins). Even now when she gets heavier and her weight increases if her medication hasn't been upped she will be a nightmare and wake up every half hour.
I'm not saying this is definitely the answer for you bit it sounds very similar so if you have exhausted all other options it might be worth speaking to your gp...
Also have you tired going to bed a bit earlier and asking your dp if he can deal with him while you get a chuck of sleep. He may not want to wake up in the night to help but if he's already awake then surely he could take over for a bit?

I'm sat downstairs with 5 month old ds so that he doesn't wake the other 3. Mine are all what others would call "bad sleepers" I have learnt just to go with the flow. I'm exhausted but it won't last forever. Mine have all been slightly different too so I know that what works for one baby might not work for another. Ds1 only fed to sleep, ds2 fed or was sung to sleep, dd fed or was rocked and all 3 wanted to sleep in my arms so co slept. Ds3 really doesn't like to co sleep! He prefers to feed to sleep, be upright for a few min then be put in his cot and sleep an hour or 2, maybe even 3 if I'm incredibly lucky. You're not alone OP, hugs xx

I know it sound silly, but how would I know if he has reflux at night? We did go through a stage of him being sick after feeds in the day, but that seems to have gone now (odd bit of sick here and there). We don't have sick in the night, so would that suggest he doesn't have reflux?
Also, I know I need to teach him to fall asleep on his own. Some sites I've read we should be starting that already. But my HV said he's too young??

I'm so sorry you feel alone. A large part of that is the sleep deprivation. Where we are there are also services that help parents that have no family close by...sometimes older ladies that will look after them for a couple of hours so you can either close your eyes out just get out and breath some air without anyone hanging off and depending on you. Maybe your health visitor can advise? All the best, you're not alone and you're not being negative, you are going through a terribly hard phase. It will get better!!

I hope so. I'm back at work in July and I'm worried about it already. I work in the emergency services, 12hr shifts, and I can't be exhausted when I'm at work. I just pray one day he'll just "get it" and sleep a bit longer.

I think it also seems hard in the night due to family history. My mum left my dad, brother and I when we were young, so I feel angry that she's not around to support me. Partners parents are older, heavy smokers in bad health so they can't help. I look at friends and feel so envious that I haven't got that loving support network. Always feel sorry for myself in the early hours 🙈

Hi OP, are you me? I've also got a 5 month old EBF DS with reflux. He's sick in the day but not at night. He feeds at midnight, 3 am and then 6 am. Recently he's been waking at 4am and just chatting away to himself in his cot.

He feeds (often to sleep) at around 6:15 pm and if I don't burp him well enough, he will be awake crying two hours later. I give him gripe water, burp him (until I get a result) and put him back into his cot with a dummy. If he wakes at a time that isn't usual for a feed, I just soothe him for a bit and put the dummy in. (I used to feed him whenever he woke in the night but it got to the stage where he was having lots of short feeds and I was exhausted).

Is he getting enough sleep in the day? I've been following schedules on the weebee dreaming website and they've helped me a lot, particularly with understanding how babies sleep. Apparently nap timings during the day can affect sleep at night. Over-tiredness can also cause frequent night-waking.

My advice would be (and you may have already tried these):

• elevate the head end of his cot by 30 degrees
• try a dummy if you don't use one already
• try gripe water - it's magic. (Disclaimer: I live abroad and gripe water is standard for babies here. I'm not sure what the recommendations regarding it in the UK now are)
• check that he's getting enough sleep during the day (look at the weebee dreaming website)
• will he sleep in the push chair in the day if you take him for a walk? For DS, the bumpier the surface the better!

I hope it gets better for you soon.

He doesn't sleep well in the day. He'll cry for 15 mins before falling asleep and that's only if he's on me. He won't fall asleep on his own.
I'm on the third night now where I can't even put him down. As soon as I do he's really crying, no matter how long I leave him on me to fall asleep.
I'm getting so upset now as I just don't know what to do and am at my wits end. I just can't cope anymore.

Op you are currently me at the moment. Mine settled in his sleep around 3 months. But since hitting 4.5 months he has been waking every hour, two hours. He is currently screaming in his crib!

He did have reflux earlier on but that seems to have settled down a lot, and I was hoping we were leaving it behind. I don’t know what to do either. My hubby has legged it to the spare room as he has to work don’t you know! Whereas I am severely sleep deprived!

Same!!! Partner has to work during the day, so can't possibly help. Whereas I'm so tired, I dont trust myself in the car!!!!

Well the reflux came back with a vengeance today - 3 outfit changes and two were within 10 mins of each other. I have been busy and out in the car, therefore he has had good naps! He has started to whinge again this evening. I am thinking of weaning him early on baby rice but still unsure if I should! Lets hope we have a better night tonight - but I’m not banking on it! I’m surviving on about 3-4 hours sleep today!