21 month old son screaming and crying at bedtime

[bluecow]

Please help! We're at our wits end with our 21 month old son. Hubby is still tyring to settle him now and it's over 2 hours since we tried to get him to sleep. We've had a week of this and have tried everything we can think of (controlled crying/cuddling/stories/lights on and off/a fan/etc) and he just stands in his cot and screams.

We tried controlled crying one night but after four hours of screaming hubby had to sleep with him in the front room as it was the only way we could get him to settle. The crying also made his eczema flare up and become all weepy round his eyes so he looks like a red panda.

We have a 16 week old daughter and I'm sure, apart from his being a typical toddler, this may still be upsetting him.

He has a nap of around 1.5 hours in the morning which he does need otherwise he wants one around 4pm which is too near bedtime.

Bluecow - If it started rather suddenly (in that he was a good sleeper but suddenly changed) then it amy be an ear infection. They can be fine when standing up but as soon as they lie down the pain is excruciating so that they cannot settle. Maybe worth checking out just on the off chance!

If I were you I'd stick him in the bed with you at least until he feels a tad more secure.

Thanks for such quick answers. I should add that he goes down fine for his morning nap and that as our daughter is still in our room (we're renovating our house so she doesn't have a bedroom yet) we can't take him into our bed as he'd wake her up!

bluecow, if there isn't an explanation like teething / ear infection or any other kind of illness, is there anything else that has changed lately apart from the arrival of a new baby? How was he before about settling at night time? What's his usual sleeping pattern at night? My dd, 22 months, sleeps 1.5-2 hours early afternoon and 7.30pm - 6.30-7am at night. That seems to suit her at this age. Though I know kids who sleep both less and more and seem fine. I wouldn't worry about him sleeping 1.5 hours, though maybe he could do it early afternoon rather than morning, just in case he's over-tired at bedtime.

All those things aside, if this goes on for another week, it might be something similar to what happened to my dd at about 15 months. After previously being an excellent sleeper who always got herself off to sleep day and night, she went through a phase of what you're describing, she'd stand up in the cot but rather than screaming she'd just say my name over and over and over. And she'd cry and sob in between. It was awful. Heartbreaking and confusing. We tried a lot of different things and none of them seemed to help. It went on for about a month before we decided to try some drastic changes. We altered her room and made it more 'cosy,' so that we sat and read her stories in a 'special' chair by her bed. We made a bed for her toys out of a cardboard box and elaborately put them to bed before her. And then we embarked on cc with full determination. We didn't ever want to do cc but all the things like cuddling / patting / pick up put down / gradually withdrawing from the room / even co-sleeping (a total disaster, dd didn't sleep at all!). were making things worse. She went from screaming at bedtime to screaming at nap times to waking 2-3 times in the night screaming (the worst point was her screaming from 4-6.30am). We read the chapter in Richard Ferber about 'sleep associations' and it made so much sense that was why we tried cc. We realised from his description that you have to follow the plan to the letter and we committed ourselves to it fully and I can't tell you how glad I am we did it. For 2 nights it was rough (but no rougher than it had been with all the 'kinder' methods) and by the 3rd night things improved massively. By the end of a week she was back to her old sleeping patterns, which has remained so to date, she's 22 months now.

Strangerthanfiction - thanks for the long and detailed answer. It sounds so much like our ds - we tried pretending that both I and dd had already gone to bed, bought him a pillow, put more soft toys in the bed...! Ironically, he's with my parents tonight and went down without a peep - typical! We will try cc, though last night a long wind down time with books and no Tv from 6.30pm worked, but that was the exception. Thanks again. It's so frustrating!

bluecow, I think the long wind down with stories is a very good idea. We coincided cc with changing things like that. No t.v. on after teatime at all, no rough and tumble play, just gentle stuff like dd 'helping' me to wash up (always chills her out, unlike her mum!). We extended bath time which also chills her out and started reading stories in a more cosy way in her room. That did help just in itself but in our case wasn't enough without also doing some cc. I think there's just a point in which they change character again and need things done in a different way. It'll happen again no doubt but this time we'll be much better prepared for it. I hope. .

bluecow - read your story and it reminds me of what is happening with our 18 month old. She has slept so well till now that sleepless nights are a bit of a shock. At the moment we are taking it in turns to sleep on her floor! Are things better with you now and what worked? her sleep prob coincided with starting nursery, a slight sore throat and talk of trying for another baby!!! Any help, tips or just sharing of experiences welcome!

For those who read about her food probs, ironically she has started eating fresh grapes and plums!

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn