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Feeling like a terrible clueless mummy

3 replies

GullTQY · 06/03/2018 09:43

I just need to share and reach out as I feel like I don't know when this is going to get better.

My daughter who is nearly 8 has never had any sleep problems, both my children have always slept beautifully even when small babies.

5 months ago myself and her dad split up, he left the family home and we are living in our family home with her younger brother.
Before the split she was sleeping in my bed as my husband was sleeping in hers, this was never made out because of our differences, it was a 'sleepover' which our daughter wanted at weekends as a bit of fun which just grew to be a daily thing.

When he left, after a couple of months she agreed to go back into her bedroom with no problems and carried on sleeping wonderfully in her bed.

However in the last couple of weeks she started to say she was having bad dreams and it's just escalated to hearing noises in cupboards, noises outside, having a bad neck, tummy ache etc and now she's become so scared of going to sleep that she says when she closes her eyes she hears voices in her head. She has slept in her bed a couple of nights without any issues but the other times she has been up since gone midnight, every time I've given in and let her in my bed.

I feel like I'm stuck between the mum who's trying to do the right thing by the books and the mum is trying to keep her daughter happy. It's driving me crazy and I'm often finding myself crying as I can't cope, I don't know how to make it better.

I'm thinking now I just need to break the cycle of her being afraid of going to sleep, so I've agreed to let her sleep in my bed for a few nights and then we try hers again.

HELP how do I get back to her sleeping wonderfully in her own bed and stop feeling like this is all my fault because I've turned her world upside down? (As my mother said it's because of the split and turning her life upside down🙁)

Any Advice or reassurance would be lovely

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 06/03/2018 09:52

Let her sleep with you? I know it seems "wrong" but she's only 8 and her parents have just split so she needs extra reassurance. If you take away that anxiety, it might help her.

it's not your fault though. It's life...and life happens and our kids have to learn to cope with change and become resilient.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 06/03/2018 10:07

I agree with pp - let her sleep with you for the time being.

thingymaboob · 06/03/2018 11:52

When I was 8 my parents split up and we went to live with my grandmother (who I was close to anyway). I stopped sleeping and started checking all the doors and windows repetitively until I was exhausted. My older brother (who was 22 at the time) asked me why I was doing it and I made the realisation myself even at 8 years old that my behaviour was because I was feeling insecure. Have you had a "grown up" conversation with you DC about this? The adults opening up to me about the reality of the situation and being honest really helped me. I am 33 and I remember that conversation. 8 year olds are more perceptive than you think. Speak to your DC honestly and try and have a grown up conversation with her about it.

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