Napping when Baby Naps - plus pre-schooler

[Lavenderdays]

Currently heavily pregnant with dc3. dc1 is at secondary school so doesn't usually re-appear until 4.30 pm, dc2 is due to start primary school in September. DC3 due any day now.

After a particularly bad night (pregnancy related), I woke up wondering how I am going to function with a waking new born - every 3-4 hours mostly likely judging by dc1 and 2. Both dc's tended to sleep better when they started on solids at 6 months (which more or less coincides with dc2 starting school). I remember trying to nap when baby napped previously - dc1 was already at school at the time so had a few hours in which to do so. The problem is dc2 is at pre-school half days (she is four but becomes tired and then irritable, so thought it best to keep to half days). I will struggle to nap with baby and dc2 in the same room because dc2 might unintentionally hurt the baby - i.e try to feed it or something whilst I nap. The only way I can see me getting a nap is sticking my four year old in front of the TV (downstairs) with stair gate to kitchen etc. closed and me and baby upstairs (with possible stairgate on my bedroom door - crib will be next to my bed) but I don't entirely feel relaxed doing this.
Another option is upping dc2's pre-school hours which isn't ideal and might not make too much difference anyway unless I stick her in aftercare...which would mean an even longer day (but dh could possibly collect her in this scenario)
I think lack of sleep affects my mood quite badly, I also worry about driving around exhausted (dc's pre-school is situated outside of the village where I live, whereas her intended primary school is a 10/15 minute walk).
It all feels like a bit of conundrum (we have no extended family and no-one to share lifts to pre-school with).
Any suggestions for maximising sleep in this situation? I am hoping to have good days as well as the feeling really exhausted days...just haven't got my head around this as the previous gap meant that dc1 had already started school and therefore I wasn't forced to drive etc.
Anyone with similar aged children...what did you do?

No way can you nap when dc2 is awake! You wouldn't do that now, surely, so you wouldn't with a baby either. A 4yo needs a parent!
Nap when she is at preschool, or don't nap!

...no I don't nap now with dc2 without dh being in the house but was hoping for some constructive feedback...have others upped childcare or continued to function somehow with the tiredness?...The most worrying aspect is being dangerously tired not the discomfort aspect...I know things will improve given time, just trying to make the best out of a difficult situation. DH might possibly be able to work from home some days/partial days for a while, this could be another option worth looking into though not ideal.

Nope. Alas you won't be able to nap at all. I have a 16 week old and a 3.5 year old who does mornings at a school nursery. 16 week old does two stretches of about 4 hours a night.
I just get on with it. The two stretches are not bad, I get enough sleep to function.
Are you eligible/getting use of the 30 free hours of childcare? I couldn't make the hours work with my childminder but if you could find someone to take dc in those hours you could sleep then?

Thanks Flowers. We are entitled to 15 hours a week but have the funds to pay privately for childcare. DD is 4.5 now and due to start school in September so I am considering a couple of full days for her in the interim after Easter and see how she goes. DH can then collect her/drop her off on these days. DH is around weekends so 4 days out of 7 would automatically become easier with caring for a new born alone and getting more rest. I am all for muddling along but I think some respite would be very much needed and we need to look at the whole picture - a better rested mum will probably equal a better tempered mum. Then from September onwards when dd starts school, my need to drive around will also be dramatically reduced (and dc3 will be nearing being weaned).
Just wondering if anyone else upped nursery/childcare hours and whether this made a difference when a second or third child came along or brought in any other postnatal support that made a difference?

You may find you cope a lot better than you think. I was exhausted in my second pregnancy, especially nearer the end, and I found I had more energy once the baby had arrived. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy going, but it was a bit easier to deal with when the pregnancy exhaustion had lifted.

Thanks Random...Yes, I have been exhausted this time. I am an older mum and have two dc's already and each pregnancy I have become more and more incapacitated (needless to say this will be my last pregnancy). With dc1, I worked right up until I was about 38/39 weeks full-time, dc2 cut down to part-time - it has got more difficult each time and I also seemed to have got larger each time which hasn't helped!
I had a pretty rubbish night last night and it hit me how I was going to cope but as you say, I might actually feel better after baby is born - I have heard that said a few times

Why can't you nap in the morning while she's at preschool? Drop her off then back to bed for a bit, that's what I'd do
I had my daughter stay at 3 days pw when I had my second and adored my time with the baby, but made her days shorter than when I was/am working

On bad days I would put the toddler on the big bed next to me, with an iPad and she would happily watch it for an hour while I slept. Not ideal, but needs must!

I would also rest in the mornings, don't use that time to housework etc just chill

I should add toddler was very clingy and wouldn't leave my side so I didn't worry about her wondering off.

I'd say the only option would be napping when your DC2 is at nursery.
I'm due soon and have a 16 month old, so I really really feel your anxiety about this too

I've started my toddler at nursery 2 mornings per week. I don't think we can afford any more. I'm planning on using this time to chill with newborn and rest.

Do you have family that can babysit while you rest?

No, Lilon....More or less decided to up dd2's pre-school attendance and swallow the fees for this for the next 3 months (dd is school age now anyway technically) and I think I remember upping dd1's attendance at pre-school in the term before she started school. This seems like the best policy at the moment...then dh will pick her up from pre-school on these days (3.15 pm) and work from home for the remainder of the day - pre-school is en-route for him.
We have no family whatsoever unfortunately so this seems like a reasonable option to me and fortunate to have some funds to do this so I don't want to make life any more difficult than it needs to be.

Sorry...didn't mean to start post with no, Lilon...it was meant to read no, we don't have any family to babysit/support.

Of your older child is hoping to start school then longer nursery days seem like a no brainer to me

Thanks Atalune, I think I need a bit of reassurance on this one for some reason (probably because she can become tired and irritable) but the one pre-school I have in mind which she already attends, is much calmer/smaller so hoping it will suit her...she is 4.5 and due to start school in September. I don't think I would have considered this option if she was younger though.

I think your best option is to try and go to bed at the same time as your preschooler at night.

I also think you are (understandably, given your heavily pg and knackered) overthinking it. I had a similar situation and my newborn was a total disaster sleep-wise, but you just have to crack on. Unless your driving hundreds of miles or operating heavy machinery it’s not going to be that dangerous. I also found it easier to cope if I was “up and out” than staying at home desperately trying to snatch sleep here and there.

*You’re

Yes, pas...there could well be an element of overthinking of it. Usually, I am alright in the mornings, despite a bad nights sleep...it is in the afternoons at about 3 pm when it all starts to catch up with me (37 weeks tomorrow).

Also you mentioned your older child being grouchy after a half day. My son was the same but LOVED the full day and then when I picked him up at 3, we had a stroll home, little snack and some cbeebies which was heaven.

I have a toddler and a baby. In the nicest possible way - you just have to suck it up and get on with it. It is exhausting but there’s not that much you can do

My baby is now nearly 5 months. She is sleeping longer stretches thankfully, but can still be up several times a night. I manage to function by giving her one bottle of formula a day, given by DH at around 10/11pm. This buys me a stretch of sleep and I go to bed early. Also DH doesn’t leave for work til 8.30 on a morning so I basically sleep in til 8ish barring feeds for the baby and he gets the toddler up and breakfasted. Weekends I get either a long lie in or a nap between the baby’s feeds.

Also caffeine! And you are heavily pregnant which I personally found more tiring than having a newborn. Hopefully you can get a nap while your child is at school. And I know tiredness affects people differently, but I never felt like I was unable to drive. Maybe a long drive, but not doing the nursery run and then home to lounge about the house for a few hours

Yes Caterina, a lot of people have commented how they have found late pregnancy more tiring than actually caring for a newborn. I am currently not very mobile and overweight and breathless, so hopefully, these issues will lessen to a major extent over time after birth.
The sleep aspect is important to me - I have previously suffered from pnd (both times) and whilst hormones are the major player, lack of sleep does not help the situation...it is only temporary. Doing the school run/pre-school run is not easy with a new born or toddler; my elder daughter was 7 by the time little sister came along and 9 by the time dd2 was two (and into everything), so I could literally drive to school pick dd1 up and drop her off, without getting out of the car which made things so much easier...it's going to be a lot different this time!

Oh, and yes to caffeine...which of course I have lived without over recent months...forgot about the caffeine!

You get used to it. It’s just hard when you’re not used to it. I defo wouldn’t advise napping when your Pre schooler is downstairs. Do they do a lunch time wraparound at the pre school. Could your lo be there for their 3 hour session and then maybe the hours lunchtime session which gives you time to nap with baby. I’m sure you will get into a good routine though And adjust to the night wakings.

Hi Looney...yes, have ruled out leaving pre-schooler, I couldn't nap knowing they were left to their own devices. I think, I would run on adrenaline in the mornings and then feel tired at 3 pm ish but dh has said he can work from home during this time 3-5 pm plus will be upping pre-school attendance two days a week, so have least got a couple of strategies in place. I remember feeling that I was almost going insane with lack of sleep last time (both dds seemed to wake every three hours or so for feeding throughout the night - breastfeeding), the change was noticeable at 6 months when they transferred to formula milk and solids and we all felt so much better!

Looney...it's probably the anticipation more than anything - I have been there twice before...and don't envisage this time being much different - though who knows might be pleasantly surprised!

When DC3 was born I was so happy not to be pregnant anymore, I felt great! I could walk around, slept better, I was so relieved because I’m late pregnancy I was barely coping and couldn’t imagine how life was going to be.
I had one at school and a toddler as well. We used to have a quiet time in the afternoon. I put the baby to sleep in her Moses basket in the front room, then I sat with toddler on the sofa. He would have a snack and a drink and watch the iPad or tv and I would have a doze. I had my arm round him so I knew he was safe. Had to set an alarm to make sure I woke up in time for the school run, but that nap was enough to see me through the rest of the day.
Make sure you get enough to eat and drink. You can manage without enough food, you can manage without enough sleep, but not both.