4 month regression... sob...some questions...

[123456kent]

So it’s here. I’ve been dreading this, from 6 weeks onwards my baby has been lovely to deal with (not perfect but bearable for me). Down at 7.30pm (usually with a lot of crying though), dream feed at 10.30pm, and then 1-2 feeds (bf) throughout night, waking at a sensible hour. I don’t feed to sleep for naps during the day, but I do at night. All daytime naps are cuddling on me, night time is in her moses basket (with sleepyhead). She has a dummy.
Along comes the regression. She now cries going down at night, hysterically, finally settles at 9pm ish, wakes at 10,12,1,2 etc. You know the drill. Every hour or so. Awake properly at 6am. I fed her twice overnight last night, the other times used dummy or rocking. I didnt cave and bring her into co sleep until first nap of the day when I went back to sleep with her.
I’m reading the Baby Whisperer to see if I’m doing everything wrong. According to this, I am. Is this book unrealistic? I’ve put her in her bed for 2 naps today and they lasted 30 mins each. - not conforming with the 1.5 hours every baby should apparently do. She’s getting more and more overtirred.
She isnt on a 4 hour feeding schedule like she should apparently be.
When I feed her at night she falls asleep on the boob. How can I not, should I immediately stop this? Like this damn book tells me to.
Should I/can I do pu/pd without sending her hysterical? She’s a very sensitive baby who gets herself very upset.
I’m at ftm and feel like I’ve got this all wrong!
Does any one have any tips/advice with how I can help us?

Don't worry about 4 hour feeding schedule.

If you are feeding her to sleep at night, try and keep her awake while feeding (tickle her/make her cooler) so she gets as much food in as possible and hopefully it won't be hunger she's waking with.

Feed her to sleep if you need to. This bit is shitty. Just get yourselves through it alive. That's all the advice I have..

Thank you.
Another question - after a dreadful night - when they wake at an ungodly hour ready to start the day (after being hysterical before bed, and waking through the night), do you just accept and let them tire themselves out? Or try and force them back to sleep? The latter just got her frustrated and upset and didn’t work. It also got me very stressed and so I didn’t manage to drop off when she finally did (for 45 mins, then up again)

My baby turned 5 months yesterday. I was in the thick of the sleep regression at 4 months but thankfully it seems to have only lasted a couple of weeks.
With the naps, apparently 30-45 minutes is a sleep cycle they wake up after, I have a mobile that turns on when it senses movement, when he woke up it would turn on and send him back off to sleep. And he’d sleep for another 45 minutes.
Fed to sleep because IT WORKS FOR US and I think that’s whats important. Just do what works. 3 nights ago we had a shit night, horrific. Luckily he’s not a cryer but was doing a weird squeeley giggly thing for 3 hours at 3am. The next night I put him in his Moses basket in my room, even if he is a bit big for it now and he only woke once. Back in the cot last night and was up once at 9, then 2, then 4.30 but slept until 7.
Luckily he always goes down at 7pm reliably. I put him in his cot last night, walked out to go and grab a blanket and he’d fallen asleep in the time it took to do that.
Once your baby wakes after the 30 minute naps, leave them there for a few minutes. Try to shhh them back to sleep if they’re really going for it crying and see if they go back to sleep. I find if you crack the day you crack the night.
But if he wakes around 5am I do bring him into bed with me and he sleeps until 7.

Thanks.
Well she woke at 4.30am, I fought to get her back to sleep for an hour and half, which she did for 45 mins. And now she’s been sleeping soundly next to me for 2 hours. I caught up with a nap too, so I feel refreshed and happy but it feels really wrong like we’re getting the sleep we need in all the wrong ways. Marathon co sleeping naps! When she should just be sleeping well overnight

Please put the books down! Your baby hasn't read them ;)

In all seriousness, this is totally normal behaviour for a 4 month old (I have a 5 month old) and I would just do what you can to get through it.

Feeding to sleep is fine, as is having her sleeping on you, as is cosleeping if that means you get more sleep - nothing you do will create 'bad habits'. This is my third baby and I've coslept / fed to sleep / cuddled to sleep / rocked to sleep / slinged to sleep all 3 of them, and my 6yo and 4yo sleep normally (for their ages) now - and I didn't have to do anything to get them to do that.

I've attached a cot to the side of my bed and my baby sleeps in there (this so only a recent thing, we've coslept until now) - but it's like an extension of our bed and it means if she stirs I can hold her hand / pop my arm around her easily.

The other night she woke every hour and so I brought her in with me which got me 2 hours...! Then the next night she was back to 3 / 4 hours. Her sleep is all over the place, but that's entirely normal.

This is a fab read (6 articles, I think) about normal infant sleep. www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201302/normal-human-infant-sleep-feeding-method-and-development

The Infant Sleep Information Source is also brilliant (from Durham Uni sleep lab). www.isisonline.org.uk/ and they also have an app.

There's also a FB group on biologically normal infant sleep.

Scheduling feeds is a load of hogwash for a bf baby. Feed on demand - milk isn't just food, it's a snack / a drink / a huge source of comfort. Sometimes my baby will go 4 hours, sometimes she goes 2 hours (or shorter). If a baby is hungry, nothing will settle them until they're fed.

Babies all learn to sleep without any input from us, just like they learn to walk and talk - it's developmental, and often we think we're 'teaching' them to sleep when we're 'teaching' them something entirely different.

Sorry for the massive post but I honestly think that if parents only knew about what normal infant (and child) sleep looks like, we wouldn't have these 'issues' with how our babies sleep (and in fact, other societies don't - it's pretty much only an issue in Western societies).

Hang in there and follow your instincts and your baby!

Thank you for your response. We are having a bad week here from all aspects - feeding (refusing a bottle and hysterically melting down, but I have an event I have to go to on Friday), napping (30 mins max), sleeping (all over the post) and behavioural (being clingy and petrified of my parents, who are looking after her at said event).
It’s all going getting on top of me!
I will read those articles, thank you

I know exactly how you feel

I hope she settles down again soon for you - we have good days and bad days (teething is responsible for the bad days / nights at the moment).

Thanks.
I am dreading teething, chuck in pain on top of everything that’s going on and we may both just lose the plot!

Just wondering do you know she is tired at 7.30? As you say there is lots of crying, 7.30 was really early for my little one before about 7 months.

I believe so yes, I think, if anything the crying is because she is so tired. Today’s napping meant that I couldn’t stretch her to 7.30pm, so it ended up being 7pm and she went down like a dream, no tears whatsoever. (Fed to sleep though, fail!)
Leaving me questioning am I pushing her tol far making it 7.30pm?
I’m questioning everything right now. I need to step away from the books and advice cos I’m tying myself in knots like I did when she was 3 weeks old and I was frantic. Then I got calmed and was very confident and happy, now this bump in the road has made me feel I’m getting it all wrong!

You absolutely need to step away from the books, there’s nothing wrong with feeding to sleep!