How to self settle a 3 month old?

[notsureifimbeingur]

I have a little girl, 3 months old.
I have been thinking of teaching her to self settle and have been reading up about it. She currently feeds to sleep, but what I don’t know is...

... is she feeding to sleep, or falling asleep in the middle of a feed?? And how do I know the difference?

She will fall asleep/feed to sleep lying upstairs and if I lie with her she will have up to a 2 hour nap. However, if I get up and leave her sound asleep, she will 9/10 wake up 15 mins after I have left. She won’t settle back to sleep again, and I have to feed her and settle her again.

So how do I go about teaching her to self settle?
I have heard about the EASY routine, eat, activity, sleep, yourself (wow, the very idea of having time to myself!!😂)
Anyway, how do I go about settling her without feeding her to sleep? I know her sleep cues now, and she sometimes will take a dummy, so do I just lay her down upstairs and pop the dummy in and leave, returning to pop dummy back in when it falls out?
She is mostly breastfed, and maybe one or two bottles a day, which she usually falls asleep during also.

How does this work in the night then, will she need fed back to sleep then, as we won’t be getting up for n activity then?

Do you think I have left it too late to try any routines on her now?

Thanks for reading and for any advice, sorry for all the questions. I will post this in Infant feeding too.

I have also posted in chat for some advice.

No, I don't think it's too late for a routine at all. I didn't start a routine until about 3 months. I did the baby whisperer which work on a pattern of eat, play, sleep during the day. It was a revelation because I was feeding my lo and if he'd fall asleep, I just let him sleep but his naps were hit and miss and he slept better on me than laying down. When I started doing the eat, play, sleep routine his naps got better. I think because he was properly tired and so falling into a deeper sleep? Anyway, part of the routine is laying them down for a nap while awake after the play period and that's when he started to settle on his own. He was ready for a sleep so would nod off pretty quick. Sometimes I'd give him a little feed before his nap but I'd still try and put him down drowsy rather than asleep. This routine was recommended to me by several friends and it worked for me so might be worth having a look? Good luck!

I do t think you can teach self settling any more than you can make a baby teethe. It’s developmental, and they do it in their own time. At 3 months your baby should really only now be being born (read up on the 4th trimester) so expecting any sort of independence at this age is ridiculous.

Hank you for your messages.

“Aria2015”
So when you put them down (either awake or drowsy) what happens if she howls?!
Or if she gurns and grunts for ages and doesn’t actually go off to sleep?
Does that mean I have misjudged her sleep signals and she isn’t ready for sleep yet, or is she waiting to be fed, and that is a habit to break?
I know there must be more to it than simply laying her down, Popping dummy in and walking out of the room. It can’t be that easy, surely??

*thank

I've never let my lo cry, just couldn't do it. When I started this routine, it encourages you to watch for their sleep signals and then I'd take him upstairs and swaddle him and give him a little cuddle and lay him down with his dummy. I'd put some white noise or music on and leave him (with a video monitor) and he'd mostly just nod off. If he grumbled I'd go back in an give him a little top up feed (just 5 minutes) to settle him and then try again. The book goes into more detail, but basically a child who is under-tired can nod off easily (say when feeding) but wake easily because they're under tired so you have to try and put them down when they are just the right amount of tired (but not overtired). It's almost like a science, because the awake time changes as they get older and you have to keep adjusting it. Luckily, she tells you all the times in the book lol!

So the wee top up feed, you would only feed for 5 mins and then remove them from you and put them down again? And if that didn’t work the first time them do you give another feed?

Sorry for all the questions!!

Does that mean I have misjudged her sleep signals and she isn’t ready for sleep yet, or is she waiting to be fed, and that is a habit to break?

13 week old babies don’t have habits, they have needs.

I think 13 weeks is too early for a lot of babies to self settle

I don't think you can teach it - its far too young.. They rely on you to soothe them at this age.

My children started being able to self soothe aged 3 years! Your baby is still tiny!

I'd put some white noise or music on and leave him (with a video monitor) and he'd mostly just nod off.

SIDS guidance states babies should sleep in a room with an adult until they are at least 6 months old. It’s because babies can forget to breathe when they sleep, and hearing an adult breathing helps them to regulate theirs. A video monitor is not an adequate alternative.

You definitely haven't left it too late, it's too early for your baby to be self-soothing. I really wouldn't worry about feeding to sleep - mine did this for the first few months but then stopped (oh how I long for those days back!) so I'd say enjoy it while you can! Honestly nothing lasts very long with babies, so just do what you need to do at thus stage and give baby what they need, you won't be forming bad habits or making a rod for your back.

Yes, I mean I'd do whatever to comfort him if he wasn't settling so if that meant an extra feed then I would. But mostly he'd have a little feed and then Start getting drowsy so if I popped him off me he wouldn't protest and then I'd put him down drowsy.

Even though they're still really small, babies do have ways of communicating their needs but they are so easy to miss. This book / routine helped me decipher when my lo was truly ready to have a nap. Before reading it, I'd just assumed if he drifted off he needed a sleep which in one way he did but they were never very long naps. After following this routine his naps got longer and more reliable. The more decent sleep he got the more content he was which is why I really persevered with it.

They have a great online forum with loads of helpful mums. I've posted a few times and got great advice. Maybe check it out?
www.babywhispererforums.com/

www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/self-soothing-is-bollocks-says-baby-20171015137482

In all seriousness it’s a load of nonsense. Babies need comfort to get to sleep.

I don't think getting in a routine and putting a baby down when awake has to mean you aren't providing comfort. If the baby settles on their own then great, if not, of course do all you can to settle them. I've never left my baby cry and if he needed rocking or feeding to sleep I'd do it, but he was perfectly happy being laid down and getting himself to sleep when I tried this routine so it worked for him. Every baby is different though so someone else might not have the same outcome but I don't think it hurts to try different approaches and see if it works.