4 month won't sleep!!

[Jenny8904]

I'm a first time mum and have a 4 month old. She's never been a good sleeper over night but now it's worse than ever. To make things worse she is a rubbish napper during the day it will mainly look like this:
Anytime between 9/9.30am she will only nap for half hour.
Then in the afternoon it can be anything up to 2 hours and that will be it for the day. She's still waking up for 2 feeds during the night (bottle fed) but also waking up at any point even when she's not having the feed.

I've stuck to the same bed time routine now for way over a month and generally she will be in bed by 7.30pm but will wake up twice before midnight! I literally don't know what to do anymore so need some advice. 😣😪

What do you do to get baby to go from awake you asleep at nap time and bedtime?

to*

I rock her to sleep....tried leaving her to self settle but haven't got far with that

4 month sleep regression..................

Self settling is developmental and not possible really til they're older

4 month sleep regression. Brutal but utterly normal. Have a google.

How many times a day are you trying to put her down for a nap? At that age my DD would still have been on 3-4 naps during the day. If she was awake any longer than about 1.5 hours between naps she would get overtired and would be impossible to get to sleep.

The night time waking is really normal for her age especially when you take into account the possibility of the 4 month sleep regression.

Normally she goes down twice in the day for a nap. I did think it maybe the 4 month sleep regression( just getting desperate with no sleep) see how it goes for the next few weeks

I would seriously consider trying a third nap during the day too!

2.5 hours during the day at that age is really on the low side. I know some babies are just really bad nappers but even if it's just a pre lunchtime walk in the pushchair to get her to sleep for another 30-60 mins during the day you might find her sleep improves all round.

My 13 month old still generally has 2 x 1.5 hour naps during the day.

Generally with babies sleep breeds yet more sleep. They won't sleep better at night if they don't have enough sleep during the day (and some still don't sleep at night eithe but at least YOU get a bit more of a break during the day)

I'm not sure it's fair to say that self settling is not possible until older, a bit of a sweeping statement. I think it massively depends on the baby.

Some babies are not ready and need help to sleep and that's absolutely fine. However my DS started settling himself to sleep to some extent with his dummy from 8 weeks. Then we hit the 4 month sleep regression (eep!) and ditched the dummy, so there was a few weeks adjustment but he's been settling himself fairly consistently since 15 weeks or so. In fact, I can't settle him any more! Rocking, patting, shushing etc all seem to annoy him. Just chuck him in the cot with a full belly and his muslin to cuddle, and he generally drifts off in minutes. He can also settle himself back to sleep when he stirs between cycles.

This isn't a brag. His sleep isn't perfect, he still wakes at least twice a night to feed, often more. Sometimes he gets up for the day at 5am. Sometimes he needs a bit of help, like being played a particular song he likes etc. We don't believe in leaving him to cry and always intervene if he's not settling (if so, there's normally a reason such as still hungry, wind, dirty nappy).

Anyway, just mentioning it as I've heard that phrase used many times, and while it might be correct that self settling is developmental, I'm not sure I believe that all babies need to be older for this to happen. Certainly some babies won't be ready, but others will and unless given a chance, how will their parents know if they can do it?

I actually discovered accidentally that my DS prefers to be left alone to sort himself out. He was crying one day and when nothing I did helped, I put him down out of exasperation as I'd run out of things to try, then he pretty much rolled over and put himself to sleep! After that, I gave him a little space to work things through and found that actually he was capable of settling himself but I assumed he couldn't and kept interfering, actually making matters worse.

I'm just mentioning it so that people don't automatically assume that no baby at 4 months old can settle itself. Some can, mine can, and we didn't do anything harsh to make it happen.

OP, baby sounds overtired. Does she wake 40 mins after going to sleep? That's a classic sign of overtiredness. Def sounds like you need a third nap (although that can be the hardest one).

I'd aim for no more than 2 (2.5hrs absolute max) hours awake time between sleeps. On two days, my DS slipped his third nap and ended up being up for 3.5 hrs before bed. Those nights were AWFUL!! He got up at 1am and stayed awake for over 2 hours!! The next day, he napped in the late afternoon and slept a lot better.

With the late afternoon nap, I sometimes have to cap my DS's lunch nap at 2/2.15pm to ensure he is tired enough to sleep sometime between 4-5pm. Just a cat nap seems to be enough. Do anything that works - sling, car journey, walking in a pushchair to try and get a small sleep. Also don't be afraid to bring bedtime forward if needed. Mines been to bed 6/6.30pm on some days when naps have gone wrong, to ensure he's not overtired before bedtime. An earlier bedtime doesn't mean an earlier wake up time. Good luck.

However my DS started settling himself to sleep to some extent with his dummy from 8 weeks

That’s not self settling as there is a dummy for comfort sucking self settling is without anything to aid comforted sleep.

Yeah I know, that's why I said "settling himself to sleep to some extent". Technically not true self settling, but I still thought it was pretty good that an 8 week old could be put awake in his crib and happily go to sleep without parental intervention. That stage seems to have helped him associate his cot with sleep and I think helped him feel comfortable to settle himself in his cot once we ditched the dummy at 3.5 months.

Also agree with PP re naps - max waking time for a 4 month old should be 2 hours. Mine can sometimes manage that, usually more like 1 hour 45 mins. If naps are short then this can mean many naps a day, but I force those on her as overtired baby = hell night ahead