is there an alternative to CC my dd is 20m still in our room, wont settle and wants her hand held when waking during night :(

[lucyellensmum]

This is having a terrible impact on DP and my relationship because we are so tired and bickering like, things that bicker, thats how tired i am i can't even think of a metaphor. I really can't bring myself to do CC i tried cuddling in cot that got her out of our bed but now cant get past holding her hand when she nods off HELLLP!

Just do it (cc) - sorry - it works, quickly - everyone happy - you wouldn't let them get away with murder during the day so why let them at night?

I shall run now and grab my crash helmet

You could try Pick Up Put Down - the BabyWhisperer's technique.

Google for it - or go to her website and trawl the chat boards (if they're still there).

I did it with ds and it worked well.

Bumping this for you.

Come on, kiskidee and the rest of the AP gang, instead of trolling on CC threads how about helping lucyellensmum who has explicitely asked for non-CC advice?

DaddyJ that is a very rude response. Teatime is notoriously quiet on MN and most of us don't trawl the the sleep section as a matter of course, we just respond to threads that are in active convos when we happen to be about.

I think the No Cry Sleep solution may be useful to you? There is one specifically for toddlers.

I know you feel despondent but you actually have made a lot of changes haven't you? From co-sleeping, to cuddling in cot, to hand holding. Was it not working to have her in your bed or did you feel pressured to get her into her cot because that is where babies are "meant" to sleep?

The other thing I would say is that some children are just better sleepers than others, and sometimes you have to let them get through this difficult stage in their own time. Meanwhile getting as much rest as you possibly can is vital - go to bed VERY EARLY and consider either you or dp sleeping elsewhere occasionally to get a good night's rest, while the other one deals with the waking up.

Have you thought about the gradual withdrawal method?- there's a thread on it, come and see! You go very gradually from the stage you are at (hand holding) to sitting close but not handholding, to sitting further away, to speaking from outside the room. Difficult as you are all in the same room at night, but if you did it at bedtime it might help? I'm at the sitting by the cot stage with my ds. If you go through the stages fast it can involve some crying, but you are always there with your lo. Might be worth a look?

lucyellensmum, for you this could be a very, very last resort, first posted by kiskidee (my initial post was aimed at her, don't worry, FrannyAndZooey, she won't take offense):
Gordon's Advice.

It is one of the softest, most gentle forms of CC I have come across.
Dr. Gordon is firmly in the AP camp, he really does not like CC but recommends this in absolute emergency situations.
He suggests doing it in the family bed but I modified it and it works equally fine in lo's own cot.

GOOD LUCK!

i just think its time to leave her to sleep herself, if i leave her alone she will play with her toys and then she asks for me and cries, i can't bear to leave her. Also, the couple of nights i did this, she did go to sleep quicker and i was less stressed but she woke up in the nightr with night terrors.

any more

I did cc at 13 months and it was hell for 2 nights and ds has been a go to bed sleep all night kid ever since,and he was 13 this week.It is not as bad as you think and if you sleep somewhere away from her where you don't hear her every move its easier HTH xx

daddyj's link looks really good. did you read it?

Huge sympathy

DS was at his worst at this age. Prior to that he needed rocking to sleep and would wake 2 or 3 times everynight for milk but would always fall asleep again. He moved into a bed at 19mnths as DD was born when he was 20mnths and at that point he was up and down like a yo yo all night. The only solution was to get into his bed lie down with him until he dropped off, then sneak out. Alternatively he just got into bed with DH. This was the only way to get any sleep at all.
To make matters worse, DD was born with clubfoot and had to wear orthotics on her feet for 23hrs a day. I had to co sleep with her as she woke frequently. (no one would do CC on a baby with her feet braced together).
The good news is that DS started sleeping by himself at 3.5 and DD no longer wears the splints so sleeps through several nights a week.
My advice is if none of the techniques work, then let the kids into your bed and get sleep any way you can.

i did start to the other night but i dont think i could make the adjustments as she is not in her bed. I might take another look when i have more time