4yr old suddenly REFUSING to go to bed / sleep

[mamamia999]

Our almost 4yr old has always been a bad sleeper but recently he has just started REFUSING to lie down in bed at night and generally playing up. He will go through the bedtime routine ok mostly but then refuse to lie down in bed to go to sleep, ultimately crying & getting more worked up. I’m starting to get really frustrated and losing my rag which I know obviously is making problem worse but I’m so knackered as he also comes into our bed during night which means a crap broken sleep. I’ve prevously done the staying with him till sleeping then gradual retreat method and don’t want to go back to staying in the room. Partner makes me feel like I’m being horrible if I let him cry then he usually ends up going in with him till he sleeps, then he wants same next night. And we end up arguing about our conflicting methods of dealing with it. After almost 4 years of terrible constant broken sleep I feel exhausted but also pretty useless that I am getting so wound up with this & unable to sort it out. Anyone that had similar problems got any advice?? thanks

I'm not much help as we do stay with our 3 year old until he goes to sleep. And also let him come in with us... but my advice is to go and sleep in his bed when he gets into yours, he can cuddle up to your husband and hopefully you'll get a decent kip in the other room!
Have you asked him why he wakes up? Our DS has nightmares and tells me about a bad lion trying to eat him.

Breath in and breath out, and hold to your patience because you will need it.

My DS slept through very early, and was sleeping 7 to 7 without problems, happily going to bed & lights of until... he was 4.

I spent the next 4 years trying to get him back into routine. Nothing worked, nothing at all. At some point we agreed that he could stay up as long as he stayed in his room, quietly and no electronic stuff was used during this time.

He is q teen now. He still falls asleep just after midnight, by the time I wake up at seven, he has been studying for more than an hour, is dressed and have had his breakfast.

Some children/ people can’t sleep much, even if trying hard. DS and I are like that, I can hardly nanage 5 hrs at night.

thanks for your msgs. He doesn’t give any reason when asked why he’s not wanting to go down or when waking up at night. He’s really stubborn and starts just ignoring me if I ask him why he won’t lie down. It’s now 9.30 after him having bedtime story at 8pm, into bed at 7.30 and he has been crying / moaning since then with various intervals of me / partner going in to cuddle & try to settle then one of us sitting in the next room (which was the last step of gradual retreat method that seemed to work until recently - never got on to the moving downstairs bit). Now got to the point of me losing rag, partner sitting in room with him. And telling me my methods rubbish and his are right as he gets him to sleep quicker (with methods I think are digging a grave for any future sleep)...i know kids cause sleep problems for all parents and a lot much much worse than this prob but the constant broken sleep over years is making me wish I’d never had kids...

Maybe try an earlier bedtime? Mine goes up at 7pm. Have you had your tea before you put him down or are you waiting til after? I have no patience at bedtime if I'm hungry. I think you and your partner need to discuss it when you are calm but it's hard to find a time if you are tired all the time

Partner makes me feel like I’m being horrible...

This is the biggest issue.

Either:
● agree on a method and support each other
Or
● agree on one person who's in charge of Baby Sleep and their word is always Gospel from the both of you. But that person us always in charge of Baby Sleep, every time.

have you tried to incentivize with a bed time book?
(I know not all kids are into stories at night time though)

Thanks all. Too Minty - yes good idea I’m definitely trying to get him to go down earlier. Yes I’ve usually eaten dinner but just end of the day lack of patience on top of the lack of sleep I spose.
We always have a story before bed. Yep the lack of how to deal with this issue definately is a major factor of making it even more stressful.
Also trying to cut down more on TV time during the day too & looking at diet (ie no sugary foods later etc), usual things to check. Thanks all x

Oops - meant lack OF AGREEMENT on how to deal with this issue (between partner & myself)

What worked for me with ds was cancelling plans a few times as I was too tired with being woke up / lack of sleep etc. Incentive to have a proper bedtime or consequences. Be prepared to follow through though.

Thanks April, I’ve tried everything - telling him he won’t get a gold star if he doesn’t be good & go to bed, saying we won’t go on a play date next day etc - but he is so stubborn it literally wouldn’t make a single bit of difference what I said he will NOT change attitude once in that frame of mind. He’s not been well a couple of nights so last night i stayed sitting in with him till he went to sleep. I’m reluctant to do this usually as it feels like a backward step. Then tonight of course he wants me to do the same (he’s fully better now), when I tuck him in 4 times then say mummy’s sitting next door on her bed (usual arrangement) - major tears & stomping crying for daddy. I’m now getting to the point that I just want peace & cannot face an ongoing battle - so send his dad up who is now sitting with him till he goes to sleep. Feel like I’m fighting a battle of balance between doing the ‘right’ thing or giving in for some kind of peace as it’s so stressful every night going through the battle of bedtime or night time wakings