Can't I just enjoy my baby?

[FEJ2016]

I'm currently co-sleeping with my 6 month old baby. She is exclusively breast-fed and feeds to sleep. This is the only way she has ever slept and during the day it's either by feeding or walking. She has never gone down not in her Moses basket, crib or cot. Whenever I have tried she has screamed the house down. Because I'm not willing to do the cry-it-out method (literally ever. Not doing it) both my mother and my mother-in-law are getting a bit fussy at me about when she will sleep in her own bed and how I should be trying harder to get her on her own. If I'm honest it's what my husband wants too, but I enjoy being with my baby. I know it will be over in the blink of an eye and I want to make the most of it.
1-am I being unreasonable to insist on not letting my baby cry ever and to really enjoy spending the night with her and waking up next to her.
2- do you have any no-cry sleep tricks you can offer me?

To be clear- I have tried rocking her to sleep in the crib (for over an hour, with the hairdryer for white noise. Nope), having something that smells like me in there (Not a jot of difference) making her last feed a bottle so she doesn't rely on bf to sleep (she just wakes up after 10mins and screams). Leaving her in there awake (screams after a while), trying to put her down asleep (wakes up, screams)
It's not that I've not tried, I just can't have her upset. :(

Do what works for you! Honestly even if you get her to sleep in a cot A. You'll have to get out of bed for night feeds. B. People will just find something else to mither you about.

If your happy cosleeping and able to do it safely crack on. Your so right when you say it'll be over in the blink of an eye

Mum and MIL need to mind their own business! Do what suits YOU !

I didn’t do cry it out with either of my sons as I don’t like it but I did eventually end up doing controlled crying which is putting them in a cot, holding there hand, stepping back a bit more every night etc until they get used to you not being there. However they we’re both nearly 1 your little one is very small and it’s not your MIL or mothers place to comment.

I heard that I was going to feed him until he goes to uni, that I'm apoling him, that my husband is going to leave me because our marital bed was occupied by a baby (really), and that he'll never learn to self settle.

At 6mo moved him to the cot next to our bed "just for one evening" (wanted to watch TV and just thought "he'll wake up and cry in 2h and I'll deal with it then"). He slept better than with me, so left him there. At 1 y moved him to his own room. He again asjusted wonderfully. At 16mo stopped feeding at night (gradually, shortened the feed every night until it was very short, then sent DH in). Again, worked great, he only cries at night now if he's ill.

Your Mum and MIL should mind their own business. If cosleeping works for you, do it.

I found that the first nap of the day was the easiest to move to the cot. So if you want to start getting DD used to the idea that sleeping can be done somewhere other than on you, this is where I'd start.

Load of nonsense. No ones business but yours and your baby. Your relationship with your little one will thrive for all the cuddles xxx

As PPs say your mum and MILs’ opinions are irrelevant.

Your DH is different. If he is unhappy with cosleeping, does he have other options to suggest (excluding “cry it out”), and ideas for things he can do to facilitate them, eg share the night care of the baby if you seek to move to a cot, and/or change his work pattern to cover more mornings to help ensure that you get sufficient sleep for your health and wellbeing.

Thanks Dozer- actually he works away 3 nights a week, so all the solutions I have read that suggest the father should take a lead role in helping the child sleep without mum will be a bit of a stretch for us (if possible at all)
When he is here he sleeps in the spare room- I get that it's not ideal. He has never had a sleepless night though once since she was born. So if I were him I would be quite happy with my lot up to now?

Sod them all. Your baby. I had the same. Ds1 fed to sleep /car/pram WHILE WALKING. Co slept. Breast fed. Didn't do crying.

Once he was 1 and I was back at work I started gradual retreat. I actually started by offering him cows milk as a drink in the day. Then at bedtime (he swapped between boon and cup on and off for a week or so) then preferred the cup (soft spouted cup)

Firm bedtime routine was already in place, bath, pj's, book, milk, mobile /sleep. Once he was guzzling the milk I started putting him in his cot awake (!!! He had never fallen asleep unaided until this stage)

For the first 3 nights I patted, shush ed, sang etc leaning into his cot until he felt to sleep. Without crting. Took over an hour but gradually took less time and I gradually offered less support. Sat next to cot hand through bars. Then no hand. Then moved away a foot. I took ages over the retreat but within weeks it was taking 20 minutes. So not a chore really.

It helped his night wakings as he learnt to resettle himself. Within 3 months I was putting him in his cot and leaving the room. We've had a few times (illness, new baby etc) where I've had to take a few days to respond establish it but otherwise at 2.5 he's still very easy at bedtime.

He was also night weaned (because he stopped waking up) and sleeping through by 15 months.

I'm with Dozer here. Sod your DM and MIL but do think that so long as he is being supportive, DH's opinion does matter by this age.

I fed to sleep and coslept both times, with his total support, but first time around went a bit deep into being mum Vs partner, and we lost sight a bit of each other as people vs co-parents, and my DS was so focussed on me to the exclusion of DH. Second time I often by this age tried to feed to sleep but then settle in his own cot etc and then DH and I could start the night together, even if that meant I'd go to sleep in the spare room with DH and then grab baby a few hours later and spend the rest in my bed closleeping. Also, DH never really did nights, but by this age he did start doing more naps on weekends and then occasionally in an evening if I went out for a few hours, and developed his own ways of getting the baby to sleep - they are surprisingly open to other ways with other people! DS2 did cry a fair bit the first time he had to settle at night, but always being cuddled by his father, never crying it out alone - and I think that the trade-off of a stronger relationship with a parent is ultimately more beneficial than some sadness in the arms of a trusted carer.

For good gentle tips, the No-Cry Sleep Solution is excellent, but it does take persistence - as she says, you will need tears or time.

I coslept and BF both of mine. You need to tell your Mum and MIL that this is how it is. DH also needs to get on board so you need to talk about this. My DH was away all week with my first and I had to be able to manage by myself - which meant cosleeping and him sleeping in the spare room because I had to get enough sleep. He was fine with it though because he knew it was best for me and DD.

DD went into a single bed at 16mo and we night weaned with DH doing night wake ups.

I've just moved 13mo DS into his own room by putting a double mattress on the floor with the view that I'd cosleep in there after he woke up. By night 3 he started sleeping though - pure luck. No tricks, extra milk, muslins smelling of me, DH rocking for hours. And most importantly never any tears.

YOU need to be happy with that sleep arrangement too. If you’re exhausted and he’s not (this happened to me) then it’s be desirable for him to do more, if not at night then at other times, so you can rest. This would also benefit him and the baby, eg their relationship.

Is the plan for him to continue to travel for work if you return to paid work? Sounds potentially difficult for you.

He could still do night care on the nights he’s there, or daytime things to let you rest or have leisure time.

I get the same stick from my MIL about my 7mo who will only nap in my arms and will not nap anywhere else and never has. For a while i went through hell trying everything to get her to nap in her cot, and it really was hell! And it didnt work! We were both stressed and upset and tired, so I gave up. It means i am limited during the day at nap times but to be honest i dont really care. She needs to sleep and if that's what she needs to sleep then so be it.

Don't let other people pressure you or make you feel bad for doing what is right for you and your baby.

We are just starting to slowly transition to non cosleeping for our 20 month old. It involves DD being cuddled to sleep in the master bedroom and then we sleep in the spare room until she needs us and one of us gets into bed with us. Neither of us are good without sleep and I won’t deny DD cuddles. She is a toddler so sometimes has to cry (being told not to poke the cat or yesterday she cried because of vegetables) but she is always comforted, when she wants it. We never leave her to cry durring the night but I do now wait 20 to 30 seconds as she can now sometimes self settle durring the night and if I go straight on I sometimes unnecessarily wake her up.

I tried the retreating chair once and she ended up hysterical so sleep training is not for us.

Your baby is still very little and while you have a baby who still feeds durring the night I would not even think of moving her out of your room. Some countries recommend rooming in until 1 year to reduce SIDS. Look on Durham University Isis website for evidence based information on sleep. The evidence is very pro cosleeping.

They all need to deck off! Do your own thing and enjoy your baby x

DS2 is still Co-sleeping/BF at 20 months. DS1 was 3 when he gave up the boob, and he still comes into my bed in the middle of the night (he's 5).

Do what works for you and your family. Your DM/MIL are old-fashioned and won't understand that it's perfectly fine for everyone to cuddle up in the same bed at night.

My mum bought us a cot. I used to store linen in it.

If you want to engage with your patents and in-laws buy them a copy of the brilliant co sleeping book Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson. Her statistics on how cot death doesn't exist in cultures that co sleep, and other eye openers should hush them.
Or just tell them that you don't want to discuss it.
Enjoy your baby op.

I actually know Deborah Jackson's babies (all grown up now) and they are lovely well-adjusted human beings. great book, defo buy a copy for DM/MIL, OP

As pp have said do what's right for you. I co slept with breastfed daughter till about a month ago, tried her in her room and she hated it. So now cot is in our room pushed against our bed with one side off so getting somewhere 😬 good luck