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which way do I turn next?

18 replies

munz · 29/04/2007 20:52

J is now 14 months old, and we currently have a screaming fit every night (well 80% of nights) his current sleep times are up around 7.30am, nap at 11-12.30 (ish) then bed at 7pm. if he falls asleep down stairs he screams when he wakes up in his cot and won't go back to sleep till he's ready - can be an hour can be longer. we put him down awake and he will settle himself some times others not.

he's been swaddled since birth is still for his naps as well, this is a differnt issue but I want to stop swaddlaing all together.
DH/I take it in turns to go into him on a night - now we've sucumbed thou to ignoring him - I hate doing it but I don't know what else I can do??

i've tried pupd - worked for a bit but not v long. we've tried the firm no time for bed go to sleep thing and nothing. he's quite when we're in the room and then screams by the time we've reached the bottom of the stairs.
he'll no longer go to sleep on us in his room which is good, BUT. if he's in his cot and we go in/leave him in there and sooth him he think's it's time to play.

swaddaling is now not working - he's standing up at the cot bars and is thinking it's a game when I go to his cot to lay him down (he lays down knowing that's what i've gone to do) quite cuddles aren't working - when he's in his cot he's screaming.
it's not teething - I've given him some bonjela and he's still the same. he's clearly tired but will not go to sleep. he's doing everything to stay awake - incl kicking the bars/his legs out.
talking softly doens't work, nor does no eye contact.

I realise there are a lot of methods there, one works but then stops so we try something else (stops after a few weeks sort of thing)

DH keeps telling me just to ignore him - tonight for example he's had his milk, fresh nappy water isn't too hot has a dummy and his teddy. yet is still screaming. I don't like the thought of his crying himself to sleep thou

nap wise he's good - has a bit of a whine but 5 mins he's asleep. (obv the time varies her goes down if we're out) I think today's particually bad cos he had a late nap (12 noon till 1.10) i'm thinking maybe no sleeping after 12.30? and limiting him to one hour only nap - or is he ready to drop the nap completely? my worry with letting him scream it out is he won't have as good a sleep as when he doesn't.

I really am at the end of my tether with this and have had enough.

once he's asleep then he'll go right round (and as I say if you get a good day he's up at 7 and that's it till the same time next day.) which i'm v v lucky and thankful for.

it's jsut getting him to go to sleep when he's wide awake and has no intention of going until he's ready iycwim. it's like a battle of wills - is he pushing the boundries already? surely he can't be yet?

on the plus - tonight he's finally gone down 1.5 hours late but unswaddled.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
munz · 29/04/2007 20:52

oops sorry it's so long but I need help!

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chilledmama · 29/04/2007 21:04

Hi Munz, chilled here...I haven't got to this stage yet (DS 6m) but it seems like you're trying everything you can. He does sound wide awake...you could try cutting back day time sleep slightly, if it doesn't work you could try Cranial Osteopathy; I've heard good things about it alternatively you could try a mallet!!! Keep going, you'll get passed it.

JARM · 29/04/2007 21:04

Oh sweetie.

Not really sure what to suggest, we have had issues with Jessi the last few nights too.

Is his room dark? its still light at 7pm.

All i can suggest is letting him cry - we have done it, and they soon learn that crying gets them no-where - and yes, i know its heartbreaking.

Hope someone else can help!

munz · 29/04/2007 21:06

yep - got a blanket up - I did buy a black out blind but numbnuts over here got the wrong size

I can handle 5-10 mins crying but when it's 1.5 hours of screaming as loud as he can

I jsut don't know what to do. he finally went off exhausted when I was stood behind the door shooshing him to sleep. (was fine when he could see me but then screamed when I walked out)

is this clingy to the extream?

chillled don't tempt me althou I think the neighbours might be tempted! lol.

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cruisemum1 · 29/04/2007 21:09

u poor thing. dont have any suggestions but just offering support fwiw

munz · 29/04/2007 21:28

thanks cruise. jsut being able to sound it out helps

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monkeytrousers · 29/04/2007 21:42

Ds was like this. I didn't know what else to do and couldn't leave him so just gave in and stayed with him until he went to sleep. It was exhausting, but he finally stopped fighting it and it actually became our little ritual, our quiet time together. If you have things to do it can be maddening, especially if they just aren't dropping off, but I did find me not fighting it helped. Probably not what you want to hear I know, sorry.

I do thin he's too old for swaddling now anyway. Maybe when he starts to feel more secure in his cot without it he might chill out a little too. I know it's hard - it does get better

munz · 30/04/2007 12:52

thanks mt - he was up v early today 5.50 - i'm sure he doesn't sleep right when he goes down screaming. still he went up screaming at 10.30 and finally asleep by 11 for his nap.

how do we go about stopping the swaddaling? - that and his mobile was the only way to get him to nap today - (althou to be fair it's been that way for the past 8 months at nap times in home)

he's been in the cot for well since he was 4 months old. it's not that I have other stuff to do etc and want him asleep asap, it's more a case of he has until recently going in his cot mobile on loosely swaddled and asleep within 10 mins of moaning. it feels like we're going back wards witih him

(going to try feeding him up a little more today as well, and no napping after 12.30 to see how that goes, as I think he had a growth spurt mixed in for good measure - least he's been eating everything I give him over the last 10 days and still wanting more)

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chilledmama · 30/04/2007 19:26

Munz- Does he like his thumb???or is he strictly a dummy man???

vnmum · 30/04/2007 19:34

it could be that he needs more sleep during the day and that he is over tired come bedtime. my DS is 17 months and we tried him on 1 nap a day around lunchtime for about 2 to 2 1/2 hours but he fares much better on 2 naps totalling 3 to 3 1/2 hours. have you read the no cry sleep solution by elizabeth pantley, it has some good advice if you really cant let him cry. i for one couldnt let mine cry but having said that i havent any other advice as i am also dealing with some sleep issues at the moment, mainly night wakings/feedings.

i do cuddle/feed to sleep and co sleep with my ds, all things i am trying to change at present ready for DC2's arrival in about 7 months time.

sorry i couldnt offer anything more, good luck

tracyk · 30/04/2007 19:43

I can't really remember that far back - but I think at 14 mo - is far too young to be dropping that nap. I reckon aim for at least 2 hours. To get the nap going quickly and back on track - how about jumping in the car/buggy or whatever you know will send him to sleep as quickly as poss. Just to get the good cycle of napping/sleep etc started.

And bring bed time forward. If he's been up since 12 pm lunchtime - 7 o'clock is 7 hours awake - a long time for a 14mo. Ultimately 12-2 then bed for 7 - but not sure when that happens.
Have you tried a baby sleeping bag instead of swaddling? It stops them kicking the bars too.

munz · 30/04/2007 19:51

chilled - strictly a dummy boy, and tbh I always make sure ther'es at least 3/4 dummies in his cot same place all lined up so when he wakes he can pop one back in again. sometimes he does sometimes he doesn't.

vum - no I haven't I did wonder that re the 2 naps instead of one, the thing is we dropped one at xmas as he started waking in the night again so dropped to one and he went back thru again - if I had the choice i'd rather him sleep round and scream than have 2 naps and not go to bed/wake ealry/in the night iycwim.

tracey - yep we have at the minute I'm on the look out for a 0.5 tog one. he seems to be the same in those regardelss (you can see why i'm at a stump as to what to do?) like you I also thought 14 months was far to young to have no naps - a friend said her DD hasn't had one since about 10 months so I should stop - but tbh I can't handle him in the afternoons so ratty and it's better for both of us I feel for him to nap. re the naps once' he's there etc he's fine.

tonight he's gone down v easy was a real gem, althou we did have a walk this afternoon - perhaps he's not tired enough come bedtime?

he was up at 5.50am today nap as I say was around 10.50/11 ish till 1.10 - when I confess to waking him up - wouldn't normally do but was worried about his sleeping tonight after sunday he wasn't awake till 1.30. then bed tonight DH took him up at 6.45pm - I am determined he won't fall asleep down stairs, DH says he's stired due to a lost dummy but apart form that we've heard nothing from him - perhaps bed time could be ealrier nap say 11-1 and bed at 6.30??

I wish children had a blinking manual!

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munz · 30/04/2007 19:54

ooh and also he's unswaddled - 2nd night running althou he was for naps - one step at a time

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chilledmama · 30/04/2007 20:08

I tried gradually loosening the shawl at sleep times but then it was taken out of my control when we ended up in hospital so didn't have shawl with me. Cold turkey worked quite well though as now don't shawl at all...thank goodness with summer coming up. Its usually quite important that they fall asleep in their own bed so if that means taking him up at 1830 then so be it...it could very well just be a "stage" he is going through. As he gets older the afternoon will not be so hrd for him to get through so you'll be able to get him back to closer to 1900. You seem to be doing everything you can...remember theres always the mallet!!

tracyk · 30/04/2007 22:12

I don't know if theres still the web site for the baby whisperer - it used to be good for total sleep times for different age stages. I'm sure around that age they should be getter on average 14-16 hours sleep. 12 at night and a couple of decent naps in the day.
It also tells you how to spot the sleepy signs rather than going by the clock. When they start to rub their eyes, get the 9 mile stare or getting a bit ratty - get them down for a nap. If my ds started crying over the silliest thing - I'd either get him in his cot - or pop in the car and drive round the block.
My ds sometimes had shorter naps some days and 4 hour ones on others! I'm sure he just made up for defecit and had longer ones.
I got into the habit of never waking him! Just let them find their own sleep pattern.

chilledmama · 02/05/2007 17:50

How is he Munz??

munz · 03/05/2007 15:15

sorry girls, we're still flipping good and bad, he's no longer swaddled for naps of bed which i'm sooo pleased about. I think we're getting there - and part of the reason is he's going to bed too late, or also he's falling asleep on us downstairs with milk.

so bedtime's now 6.30 and we'll see how we go from there, today thou he's only had 20 min nap so I imagion he'll be dead to the world come 6 o'clock, but as long as he's still sleeping till 7 i'm not fussy.

thanks for all of your help thou it's been a real god send just having someone listen.

(we've also been putting him down awake and jsut reassuring him by smoothing his head etc in his cot which seems to help him)

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chilledmama · 03/05/2007 19:02

You know where we are if you need to drain down

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