Not napping

[jmscp2015]

I was wondering if anybody had any tips - books etc I could read to try and crack this... routines that work for you.

We followed the blissful baby experts sleep/feed routine one day and it worked ok... but hasn’t any subsequent days and I didn’t realise before I brought it, it includes CC, which were really not happy to do.

DD is 8 weeks old and more or less flat out refuses to nap for more than half and hour to an hour at a time throughout the day, this results in a really grumpy overtired baby by evening time and we’re really getting to the end of our tether as she just won’t sleep from around 4/5 til just before 11 when she will normally nod off after her 10.30 feed...

She just wakes herself up and becomes really angry, we obviously check for wind, nappy... cuddle. Nothing works to settle her.

I know she’s only young but we really need some help with this as she’s bloody miserable in herself in the evenings. Surely it’s not good for her? When she wakes up in the morning she’s a happy baby because she’s well rested.

Any ideas? Thanks.

How long are they awake between naps? At that age I would ready mine for a nap an hour after they woke, regardless of how long they had slept.

Both of mine only napped more than 45mins at a time at about 5m.

In the evenings between 5-1030 when you say she goes to sleep, where is she?

Is she downstairs with you, tv on etc?

She currently wakes up at 9 - maybe I’m letting her sleep too long? She’ll sleep 11-4.30/5 when she wants a bottle then she goes back to sleep.

She is downstairs with us yes, I thought they weren’t meant to sleep alone before 6m should I go upstairs with her at a earlier bed time? Or can I leave her and set up the monitor.

Sorry if I sound a total tool - first time mum with no clue here

Really starting to feel like a crappy mum.

You don't sound like a tool, you are doing what most mum's do, however if you baby is like.mine, being downstairs just didn't work, she needed dark and calm to sleep properly, therefore she was out in bed at 6ish and I would stay up there with her. I'd either sleep myself as I was so tired, or I would watch TV on my phone. It's not fun, but you will get your evenings back, and we started to leave DD with a monitor at around 5 months.

In regards to day naps, DD was the same here as well, wouldn't sleep for longer than 30 minutes UNLESS she was laying on my chest. I just let her do that for every nap as it meant she was better rested. You can still get on with your day by letting baby nap in a sling. A close caboo is what we used and baby loved it.

Again, at around 5 months ish we tried her in the cot again for naps and she slept for 1hr30!

Some babies just like to be held for naps!

Thank you @Hippydippydoo

Maybe I’m just wanting too much too soon but will try going up for an earlier bedtime with her.

I recommend a book called The sensational baby sleep plan by Alison Scott-Wright which sets out a great sleep schedule for babies and how to establish it. Best of luck.

That's totally normal and to be expected, we all want our babies to nap well and sleep at night, they just didn't get the memo :)

Hopefully it might solve some of your problems. My best advice re naps is to not stress about them only being 30 minutes...I stressed non stop about this and it drove me insane...in the end I realised that I was giving her the opportunity to nap, and if she didn't take it then she didn't need it. Aside from sleeping on me, absolutely nothing worked to extend the naps other than time.

Your baby will get there.

If you haven't already, I would also recommend googling the fourth trimester, it's really interesting and reassuring.

@ScottishDiblet thank you will take a look.

@Hippydippydoo thank you so much. That sounds like me, driving myself insane! Maybe if she’ll just go down earlier for ‘bedtime’ it will be better.

It's tough, especially if you have friends with babies taking long naps in their cots or prams, but it gets better.

DD is now 11 months and it still blows my mind that she actually naps in her cot, I thought we would never see the day.

Having said that actually, I think what really helped was establishing a really strong bed time routine, and getting her to sleep in the dark at bedtime. When we moved on to trying to tackle naps, she was older and really started to understand that cot meant sleep, so I think the 2 work hand in hand.

You’re not doing anything wrong at all and you are in no way a crappy mum. IMO she’s a bit young for a routine as there sleep changes constantly in the first months.

Short naps are developmentally normal for young babies and it’s just something they do. My DS slept pretty much all day for first 4 weeks and then after that would only take short naps- unless held. He would stir after 30/45mins then need vigourous rocking to help him into the next cycle but sometimes even that didn’t work. Eventually at about 15 weeks he’d let me put him down for naps without waking up after 15 mins but again would only nap for 45 mins to begin with. He then started extending them himself.

It’s totally normal for young babies and you may find that as she gets older the naps will lengthen themselves. Is there anyway she will sleep for longer? In the pram, sling, or on you? As PP suggested keep an eye on wake times as she will have difficulty settling if she is over tired.

At 8 weeks she’s still in the 4th trimester and again it’s totally normal for babies to be unsettled in the evening untill bed time- witching hours. I know it’s hard but it will pass and should ease by the time she’s 12 weeks when the colic stage passes.

Don’t be so hard on yourself! As first time mums were all winging it. It will get easier. Be kind to yourself

@Hippydippydoo funnily enough the longest naps she has are in the pram / car seat when we’re out and there’s lots of noise.  lol

@FortheloveofJames thank you so much for that, it makes a lot more sense of it, and thank you for being so kind. Nobody really tells you this about babies do they, I mean I knew it would be hard but, phew

I’m off to read up on the fourth trimester properly, I’ve heard of it but stupidly never read properly about it!

No they don’t. I knew it would be hard but I had no idea how hard. Nothing prepairs you for it, especially like me if you have a VERY difficult newborn. He was unsettled pretty much all day till about 15 weeks, wouldn’t go to anyone else. Wouldn’t go in pram, wouldn’t go in the car seat. Wouldn’t go in his bouncer. Cried for hours at a time. After the 4 weeks had to co sleep as wouldn’t settle alone at night. I pretty much wore him in a sling or held him for 15 week straight. It was beyond hard, but after the horrible colicky stage passed it got so much better. Only when he was about 5 months old did I stop stressing about sleep and naps etc, it was just ruining our time together now that things were finally better!

It’s still very much early days for you and you’ll find your own way. To give you hope, DS is now 8 months and sleeps in his cot like a dream for naps and at night most of the time. I can pop him in and he’ll go to sleep himself. He’s down to 2 naps now. He did take 2 hour naps for ages but now most of time they are 1 1/2 hours at most. He just doesn’t need the same amount of sleep as he’s getting older and sleeps almost 13 hours at night sometimes( with one nightfeed)

Is she sleeping okay at night? If she likes noise have you tried white noise? We use that for all sleeps even now, including all night. DS won’t sleep without it.

@FortheloveofJames you’ve had it a lot tougher than me, I almost feel bad for complaining! Poor you, glad you are both happier now.

She sleeps really well at night in her cot once she’s gone to sleep... we have Ewan the sheep, I don’t know wether he does any good or not to be honest but I’d be too scared not to use him now! Just incase

Thanks . Back when someone said it’ll get easier I felt like I could punch them square in the face. When you’re in the thick of it it’s hard to see the wood from the trees, but now I can honestly say it does get easier.

I’m glad your nights are good! That’s one less thing to worry about at the moment, and it could be worse. Once she’s a bit older she will settle into her own routine and as she starts to nap less in the day you will get that earlier bedtime.

I’ve heard lots of good things about Ewan but we need white noise alllll night so just use my IPAD. never get to use the damn thing anymore as anytime I’m actually able to it’s in with him, but as you say I’m too scared to use anything else!

I’m just using the mantra today of if she wants to nap on me she can, I will enjoy the cuddles some day I’ll miss them, it’s normal for her want to be with me. I feel so much more chilled already now I’m not stressing about putting her down and waiting for her to wake up screaming. She’s currently been fast asleep for half an hour with no sign of stirring so fingers crossed. 

@FortheloveofJames
Poor you! Ewan would definitely be no good, you’d be pressing it’s stupid foot all night and it eats batteries as it is with me only perhaps turning it on 3 times a night!!

Have you heard of the myhummy? They have a continuous mode, their expensive but it depends how much you want your iPad back!  but again I’d probably be scared to change incase they preferred the iPad noise and I’d ruined a good thing 

That’s a good way to go. Honestly I used to get all the ‘you’re making a rod for your own back, ‘you’re just choosing to hold him’ etc blah blah blah. Only now do I realise (after being on here) that rarely do babies so young actually sleep on their own during the day. It won’t be forever. Now my DS will not sleep with me, ever. I tried to co sleep after his feed when he was teething once and a bit more upset than usual because I wanted to snuggle, but he wouldn’t have it and figited/fussed till I put him back in his cot. I can honestly say I miss the cuddles. He’s so busy these days he never sits still or looks for them. Last night he fell asleep nursing during his bed time feed which he literally hasn’t done since he was about 12 weeks old. I just left him there for a bit because it was so nice getting snuggly.

I have heard of them but as you say I’m too scared. We use the same track over and over so I’d worry if we used something else he’d notice!

Enjoy your sleepy cuddles.

Do you have a sling? In the early weeks my LG was very opposed to naps, but if I popped her in the sling and went for a walk it took about 10 mins for her to drop off and she'd stay asleep as long as I wore her. Really saved my sanity as I had both hands free too!