3 month old won’t sleep alone. Please help!!!

[Cleo2628]

Since day 1 my 3 month old DD will not sleep alone. She has to be either on someone or co sleeping. We have a co sleeper crib and she won’t even settle in that (even with my arm/boob/practically whole body in it with her!!) as a newborn, for the first week me and DH took it turns to hold her during the night, doing shifts if you will health visitor came round and told us to co sleep and I was so desperate/tired that I did. It worked a treat .... except now she can’t sleep without me.

In the day I feed her to sleep lying down (I know I know) and then creep out the room, she’ll nap for half an hour absolute max. At night for some reason this will not work. I have to be in bed with her and if I creep out she wakes up in minutes.

I love her, but I want my evenings back. I’m not comfortable doing cry it out (and know she’s too young) I love the cuddles but also want her to be independant. Although I am aware she is still tiny.

Any help welcomed - please!!

Oh and she’s also waking almost hourly in the night, sometimes every 20 mins. I am a zombie!!

My daughter will sleep independently all night but never, not even for a moment, for a nap during the day. Also 3 months. So I am watching keenly.

Do you use a dummy? That tends to buy me some independence. And white noise seems to help too.

It's colder in the evening so you moving away from her is removing the warmth. I use to put a hot water bottle in the crib and then remove it and move her over to the hot patch in the crib when I was confident she was in a deep sleep.

Your baby is only 3 months old - this is just what they do, I’m afraid! Safe sleeping guidelines are to not put the baby to sleep in a separate room until 6 months so it’s best not to ‘have your evenings back’ for a bit anyway.

Normal. They're incredibly good at sensing when you're not there!

Is she constantly on the boob all night? Or just close to you? I had a foremilk/hindmilk issue with DS and did block feeding for a day here and there to get it under control - too much foremilk made him gassy and unsettled, waking every 20 mins.

I gave up trying to get my evenings back and just watched the telly with DS sleeping on me at that age. Think he was around 12 months when he'd sleep alone for a few hours. We still co sleep now though and he's 3.

Just to add, if you try the hot water bottle, place it on a folded muslin and remove the bottle and the muslin otherwise the mattress will be scorching (apologies if this is patronising!).

Shes in the fourth trimester.

My DD was 2 when she slept alone & through the night.

She’s still a newborn! She’s meant to sleep with you for the first 6 months for all sleeps, in the same room. We didn’t put either of ours to ‘bed’ earlier than us till they were 6 months. I would just have been running up and down to feed and settle anyway. She grew inside you, why would she want to be apart from you? With the best will in the world, I think you have to draw a bit of a line under ‘getting your evenings back’. You have a tiny baby, and this is just what she needs.

I have a 10 week old who is the same. He’s my third child and this is just how babies are. I haven’t got my evenings either.. though he will sleep in my arms downstairs while I watch TV.
Please don’t worry, this will change. In another few months your baby will be more able to go to bed at 8/9pm and stay there. Though they will wake up frequently for the first 18 months or so. I plan on getting my son into his own cot (and not co-sleeping) by 7/8
Months though I expect we’ll still co sleep for some of the night when he wakes up.
I know it feels like forever.. but I promise that it doesn’t go on forever. Rather than getting upset, just accept this is how babies are and try to enjoy the snuggles

My 7yo struggles to sleep alone. Evolutionarily its a pretty unnatural thing to do.

Just roll with it and let your DD be part of the tribe. I wish someone had told me that when DS was 3 months old.

She's 3months. Shes got her whole life to be independent but now is not the time.

Feeding to sleep is amazing - a completely natural tool that involves no crying? What's not to love! I'm also a fan of cosleeping.

You need to remember that Baby sleep isn't linear. They have good phases and bad phases, especially BF babies so it's unrealistic to think that because she's getting older, everything will always be getting better. You hit a lot of developmental leaps and growth spurts along the way and if you've got a way of getting her to sleep that doesn't involve tears, absolutely use it!

Also, just remember that she shouldn't be left on her own for any sleeps, daytime or nighttime, until 6mo old as per SIDS advice. 2-3 months is the riskiest time.

Have you tried a baby sleeping bag? Put her in it then feed her to sleep then put her down. The sleeping bag keeps her cosey and warm during the transfer - if that’s what’s waking her up...

Have you tried a swaddle and white noise? It helps baby feel secure and replicate the sensation of being in the womb. My dd slept in her co sleeper crib with womb music (sound sleeper app), until she was 7 months. I went to bed with her until she was 5 months old, and would the venture downstairs for an hour or 2. It feels like a life time I know, but it honestly is so short in reality. I think that if you stop fighting it and accept that it's just how she is right now, you might find it a little easier. Babies change all the time, one minute something is a problem, the next minute it's not anymore.

3 months is so tiny, let her do her thing and in time things will improve

My babies are 5 months and I don't have evenings without them. I stress about safe sleep so they're awake with me and DH until we go up to bed.

Have you tried a Sleepyhead? (Annoying that they are pricey, I know). But at 3 months your baby will be quite snug in that and it may feel like being held.
We only lasted one night without one. It’s still been tough, but I think that has helped.
Daytime naps are also on me - time to watch Emmerdale and Corrie!

She might be a bit young yet but I would read a book called the sensational baby sleep plan by Alison Scott Wright which teaches you how to teach babies to self settle for naps and at night. It really helped our daughter.

It's a right PITA but just keep her downstairs with you and she goes to bed when you got to bed. When she's ready she'll settle in her cot. It might not be what you want, but accepting that's what she needs will cut your stress levels right down. Don't judge yourself or compare to others. My younger DD was like this, she had to co sleep and breastmilk ONLY from the breast until she was about 10 months old, then it was like a light came on - she was able to sleep in her cot and she accepted formula from a bottle. We'd tried every bottle, every teat, every brand of formula and she was having none of it. My mother refused to baby sit after the night she did and DD2 screamed the place down at full volume for several hours, only to settle immediately I came home. Her older sister is 13 months older and was the easiest of babies!

I gave my little 1 one of my tops to cuddle into on a night as she was after my smell worked a treat

I have a 5 year old who does that. Exactly as you described, she only slept next to me. We still co-sleep and she wakes every night if I put her to bed in her own bed

My DS had a soft bodied teddy that I slept with for a couple of nights so it held my scent. Worked wonders for us

I’m a little late commenting on this, but I am the same! I’ve her being glued to me but also sometimes need 5 minutes to breath!

I love the comments on the hot water bottles - will give this a go and be careful of the temperature

I have this amazing soft toy/ tummy time bunny that I put in the corner of our sofa and my LO naps in that during the day.

She initially falls asleep on my chest and it takes me a good 5-10 mins to get her into bunny but then once she’s in I pretty much sit there next to her
Not ideal if you need to pop to the loo, but good to free your arms up!
(Obviously don’t leave her in the bunny if you need the loo etc- my LO is already starting to push away and trying to roll so I always watch her)

Also get a Moses for the living room so you can pull it into the kitchen if needed
Try get her in there to sleep with one of your bras or tops near to her