Four month old ALWAYS tired!

[MummyGina]

Hey all, I wondered if any of you have been in a similar situation? My four month old (more specifically 18 weeks) seems to have started his sleep regression a couple of weeks ago, first i noticed he was waking up regularly at night and then boom! Didn’t want to sleep night or day without a fight and a screaming fit.

He has had a bit of a colourful sleep history, so to give a little backstory - he didn’t sleep in his crib until he was about ten week old, before that he would only sleep in our arms or in a swing. He then decided that the crib was the only place to be and did quite well at nights, but then refused naps all together in crib, swing or arms. I then started working on naps in the day a couple of weeks before the regression and finally we had a little rhythm and even got him to self soothe to sleep a handful of times! Now there is no hope, he will only sleep if nursed to sleep or rocked in his pushchair and neither way are reliable.

I know there are always going to be fluctuations, but my main concern is that he is now always tired! Through it all he has always been a happy little man, but now he is always grumpy and within half an hour of waking he is rubbing his eyes, yawning and squirming. It doesn’t matter if it’s first thing or after a nap, he struggles to be up more than half an hour. I try and get him to play, and sit with him and sing to try and get him to stretch that time out, but maximum I get him to is about an hour if I’m lucky.

To make matters worse, he has a flat spot so I really want him to be up more but the vast majority of the time he is asleep or trying to sleep!

This is also affecting night sleep, if he naps well and is happier in the small intervals he is awful at night - but if he has only a couple of short naps he seems to sleep better at night but is a nightmare all day. It’s impossible to balance! He also seems to be feeding more at night, but that’s mainly because everything in the day is too distracting so I have to take him to our bedroom with the curtains drawn or he wouldn’t eat at all in the day.

Thank you for those of you who managed it through this post... im just at my wits end and miss my little happy boy and concerned if something might be wrong!

Wish I had some words of wisdom but ditto with my 19 week old! She used to feed to sleep but now won't even do that and so she's permanently exhausted. As am I! The health visitor thinks it may be teething? Whatever it is it's a total nightmare and I'm so worried about her not getting enough rest. I put her in her bouncy chair this morning while I had a shower and she just stared blankly at the hanging toys it almost broke my heart!

So not a useful post but I'm offering solidarity.

How soon after getting up for the day do you put him down for a nap? Ideally it should be no more than an hour and a half. Don't stretch out time between naps if he's tired because he'll get overtired and not sleep properly. Aim for at least 90 minutes of sleep in morning, then again early afternoon, with a short nap of no more than 40 minutes late afternoon if he needs it. The key to more sleep is more sleep. I learned this first time round and it stood me in good stead the next two times. Good luck!

Ah gin, you know my pain then! It is horrible because he spends so little time wanting to engage and play at the moment - he’s like permenantly grumpy when he was such a happy boy before

And as for how long between getting up and his first nap - it would be a miracle if he went an hour and a half between any nap! He’s is tired and fussy after half an hour, and I’m lucky to get him to last 45-60 mins before he gets really fussy and I try and get him fed and down before total meltdown!

Nap length varies every day, some days he will have two long naps and a short one or two and then won’t sleep well at night and wake every hour.

Other days when he has short naps he will have like 4-5 45 min naps because he gets so exhausted so quickly but then he sleeps a little better at night.

But either way he seems perpetually sleepy and disinterested with things.

To make things worse, he will only eat laying down in bed in a darkened room during the day, if I try and cradle hold him he arches his back and cries regardless to how hungry he is!

Good lord, I made a fussy baby!

Poor you. What happens if you just put him down again after 30 mins, if he's tired? It might help him catch up a bit, I mean does he HAVE to stay up 1.5 hours? It's not a law

If it's any consolation, my DS is a similar age and the same about where he will nap. He won't settle in my arms, arches his back and screams. He's been cat napping since 8 weeks and it drives me loopy. He wants to be in his crib, in the dark. So we're essentially under house arrest as there simply isn't enough time to feed him, get out and get back for his nap.

When you say 2 long naps, how long are they? Two naps don't sound enough, even if they are long.

Most babies are on 3 or 4 a day, even if some of them are long. If mine's having a cat napping sort of day (20-40 min naps), he also has 5 naps a day! I'm not sure I understand how he can only be awake for 45-60 mins but only have two naps (unless they are mammoth naps!). Sorry if I've missed something.

I think all you can really do is keep an eye on sleep windows. I aim for 1.5 hrs, absolute max 2 hours. Contrary to most advice, I found my DS slept better at night if he had a nap close to bedtime (ending 1hr before bedtime) as he wasn't going to bed overtired. I used the sling to get longer naps.

How well is he nursing? Are you sure you're nursing him long enough or maybe you rush a little bit as you want to get him to sleep as you're worried he's overtired? It's possible he's hungrier than you think? Could be having a growth spurt.

From the above, I think you're breastfeeding? Maybe try lets him feed for longer, offering both breasts if you don't already. I try and ensure a gap of 10 mins before a nap so I can make sure he's really well winded before I put him down. These have helped him sleep better.

I don't know, I'm just throwing out thoughts based on what helped us. You have my sympathy though, it's bloody hard work!

Thank you for your responses

Rebecca - unfortunately it seems if I put him down after the 30 mins he’s still tired shortly after he gets up... can’t win! Haha

And lemon - sorry, I must have missed some details! If w has two big naps they are like 2-3 hours long each and they will tend to be morning and late morning/afternoon plus one or two mini naps of like 30-45 mins in the afternoon, if he lets himself... sometimes he will decide to just scream instead!

I am indeed breastfeeding and he’s a fussy one! At one stage about a month ago he decided he hated cradle hold, and at one stage it was so bad he would only feed skin to skin! (Not convenient if your going out!!) now he has decided he will allow being fed laying down in the day and cradle hold at night when he is half asleep lol but, about a week ago he started unlatching and crying after a feed and when that happens he won’t latch on again. He does seem to be eating a little less, but if offered more he won’t take it. He’s gaining weight very well though so I would think he’s getting enough?

Wow I know how to write a long post sorry guys! Haha

I really struggled when my ds was this age in getting him to nap, resulting in a very over tired baby who didn't sleep well at night and a miserable mum. What worked for us in the end was naps outside, well wrapped up in the pram. I could see and hear him from the kitchen. Initially it took a bit of pushing back and forth or a walk round the block to get him down but he soon got to know the routine. Took me a while to learn to let him grizzle a bit before he would sleep but in the end it worked a treat for us. We are putting dd (2 months old) out as well now and she is sleeping far better and longer than she does in the house. If you can manage it safely, might be worth a try. Good luck x

Ah you poor thing. Mine screamed at me for a week solid every time I tried to latch him! That made nightfeeds particularly awful. Just keep telling yourself, everything is a phase. This too shall pass!

Well that’s a new one haggis! Unfortunately he finds outside far too interesting now days and doesn’t sleep when we go out so not sure it would work... plus we live in a flat haha

And ouch, that doesn’t sound like fun lemon! Some phases suck don’t they! though the fact my little one started laughing recently does take the edge off sometimes... especially as he likes to do it just as my tether is nearing its end! Haha