The honest truth about different methods of 'sleep training'

[Hayls]

DD is 6 months old now and nowhere near sleeping through the night. She'll go down about 7 then wakes about 12/1 (even if I wake her for a dream feed) and then at least another once or twice. She won't go back to sleep in her cot and I inevitably end up having to feed her back to sleep as she'll make a grunting noise to keep herself awake for ages if I don't- she's having plenty to eat during the day so I'm pretty sure it's not hunger. I've made a few half hearted attempts so far but I really need some help to stop this now and am not sure where to start!

I've been recommended controlled crying(not too keen but open to suggestions), pick up put down, checking and various others but mainly from people who haven't actually tried them themselves so I'd really appreciate the honest truth from those who have experienced them!!

Any advice/tips/experience would be much appreciated. It's got so bad now that dh is sleeping in her room!

I had a bugger of a baby with my first dd and she had me wrapped round her finger up down 20 times in the night and she didnt sleep properly till she was 5 and a half. Soooo, with dd2 when she was 6 months I did the controlled crying thing, through the day to get her to nap without me rocking or bouncing her, 2 hours of crying, and a break in the middle for a bath before trying again and she was trained. After that she was put in her cot and fell asleep no probs.
It wasnt at night however and i think she was still waking at least once a night for a feed till she was at least a year...I thought they all did!

I was always big on the idea of controlled crying before I had my ds, but when it came to it,I was a bit of a wuss and left it longer than I intended. At 7 months I had had enough, took a deep breath and prepared for a nightmare, but to be honest it wasn't that bad at all. We had 2-3 nights of long crying (up to 2 hrs) with regular checks and soothing noises every 15 mins or so, and after that he was fine!! From then on he slept through from 11pm for a while, and pretty soon went on to 7pm-7am, which he still does now at 15 months which is blissful!

So I can sympathise with you not being keen, but it works. I also think you need to do it before she gets old enough to become aware of whats going on. Give it a try, but if you do, be firm, you won't regret it!

I tried controlled crying. Really awful to listen to your child cry, we weren't up to it. Most friends who did find initial success had the problem that after a while something would disturb the routine, and they had to do CC all over again. And again, and again... so after a while (18months? 2 yrs?) they gave up, and just let child come in their bed again or would go soothe child in the night, at least part-time.

The only person I know in real life who stuck with CC, said (for instance), that it took extremely disturbed crying for her to go to her son in the night. So... boy is 11 months old, fireworks night, crying very hard because fireworks disturbed him, they didn't go to him because they didn't want to start a bad habit.
I know other MNers will tell you different, but that's my impression, you have to be that hard to make it work.

i couldnt face controlled crying then at 17 months old, on the spur of the moment, I tried it. It took about 10 minutes on one evening and that was it!

I think it would normally take longer (!) and we were probably very lucky! we have never had to 're-train' him and he is 2 next week and goes to sleep really well.

I couldn't have faced it when he was as young as your little one though.

Good luck!

We did it with both of ours and it worked twice. Took about 5 nights with dd and about 2 weeks with ds. Longest we got up to was 20 minutes. It was harder with ds than with dd but it did work. dd was about a year when we did it and same for ds

I did it with two of mine at around 7 months. With the first he was awake every two hours (day and night) and he was exhausted and so was i, to the extent that the days were miserable as well. After two nights of controlled crying (i hr the first night, 20 mins the next) he slept through and has done ever since. I don't think its a question of being hard (although it is unpleasant), but when family life has deteriorated due to lack of sleep, in our case we had to do something. I would definitely give it a go - within a week my life had totally changed. Good luck if you do try it

Zebra, I think your friend who left their terrified child on fire works night need some serious talking to. It is totally possible to be reassuring and kind and let your child know they are loved while doing CC. I always rush to ds cot if he cries in the night as it is now so rare. He occasionally must have bad dreams, but after a few mins of cuddles he is back in bed.

But, I also think parents should do what they feel happy with. If you are not happy, your baby will pick up it, I'm sure, and everyone will be miserable.

Did it with DD when she was about 7 months. Took 2 nights (20 mins first night and 15 mins second night). After illness, travelling etc you might have to do it again once or twice. But it's worth it!! I needed my sleep and should have done it earlier (will do with DD2 due in December).

Having said that it is not for everyone. If you start you should be "hard" and follow through otherwise it won't work.

Good luck.

i couldnt do cc either... i knew i wouldnt be able to stick to it so i didnt even try. like you at 6 months, i wanted my bed back and i wanted to stop night feeds, as i knew she didnt need them. our plan was to get dh to go to her when she woke in the night, he would offer her a drink, cuddles etc, and when she was calm/asleep put her back down. after about a month she got the message that mummy wasnt there at night, and since daddy doesnt give out milk she may as well get some kip! i think it would have taken a lot less than a month too, but she had terrible wind probs too (another story). there was never any cc, prolonged crying, being left alone.... and now she's a good night time sleeper (wind proble permitting). good luck with what you decide.

I followed Gina Ford's routines since DS was 3 weeks old. THis is not controlled crying but similar in some things). Of course I was feeding him many times during the day, would feed him before going to sleep at 7, wake him up at 11 for another one and let him wake me at 3ish for another one, he droped the 11 pm feed at around 4m so we wake him anyway and he started going until 6, 2 months later he droped the 11pm feed and since then he is sleeping 12 hours per night. It was difficult at the begining but agree the earlier the easier, DS cried 10 min before hiss naps on the first day, 5 in the second and 3 in the thirs, since then we put him in the cot with his teddy and he immediatly starts rubing his eyes. He goes to sleep without a complain. It's well worth it, it's great to have the energy next day to be able to play better with them

i did exactly the same with my Ds chandra and he followed exactly the same pattern we went from 11 till 4ish though but by 3~4 months sleeping through and still is, he is 14 months now. he just wont sleep in his cot all night though, one problem i am stuck with lol

controlled crying -why it isnt for me
Pupd is very hard work and still very distressing for the parent anyway!
I say meet her needs and dont let her insecurites become a reality for her.

My DS was feeding and sleeping extremely erratically in the first few weeks, and both myself and my husband got so tired by the end of the first month, that we decided forget all the different advice people gave, but stick to one.
We read the Gina Ford book and no matter how 'bootcamp- style' is sounded, we started to establish the routine she recommends.
Initially, my DS was crying and grizzling but as I knew he was doing it out of his old routine, not because he was hungry, it was easier for us not to give in and pick him up at night.

Two weeks after we started the routine, my DS slept thorugh the night from 10pm to 6.30am, and since he was 4 months old he's been sleeping 11-12 hours at night. He has two naps during the day, and he is getting sleeply (rubbing his eyes and yawns) when the nap-time or sleep-time comes.

Sorry for being so long...just one more thing.
I think one main reason why my DS ( and the Gina ford babies in general ) sleeps with no problems now is that I make sure he is kept well fed and very active during the day and that for about an hour before the evening bedtime, he does not get overly stimulated.

Hayls, if your dd is settling herself to sleep on her own ok at 7pm and then only waking once in the night for a feed, if I were you I'd just give her the feed and then put her back into the cot to sleep. At 6 months my dd was mostly sleeping through but would still occasionally wake for a feed and I gave it to her. In my opinion 6 months is too early for cc, though I know a lot of people disagree.

However I am not at all against cc and had to do it when dd was 15 months. She'd previously been a fabulous sleeper but after some illness etc. she started getting very anxious at bedtimes and waking 2-3 times in the night sometimes for up to 2 hours. This meant she was exhausted all day and things got worse and worse. I tried every other option. She's an independent little lady who will not under any circumstances sleep in bed with me and / or dp, neither does she like being cuddled to sleep. Pick up put down drove her into a frenzy of frustration (maybe she was too old for it at that age?) so we did opt for cc after doing lots of research. We found it hard because unlike the person Zebra described we are not 'hard' parents, we're the biggest softies going when it comes to dd. We did it as gently and as reassuringly as we could and within 3 days she'd reverted to her previous good sleeping pattern as opposed to the 3 weeks of trying everything else that had led to endless tears for all of us. I do get annoyed when people think cc is necessarily cruel. Sometimes you don't have a choice and the other option of leaving the problem unresolved is more miserable than going through with cc.

I read that report you referred to tigerlillies, it was very interesting but with my own and friends experiences of using cc for a very short time and in a very gentle way, I ultimately wouldn't agree with what it suggests. And the only option it offers is co-sleeping which for many people (like us) is not an option.

Hi, I've only just managed to get back online so thank you for all your replies. DD is now getting her second tooth and it's worse than her first so we've decided against trying anything for a while. I'm still not keen on cc at this stage but will see how things go. She's getting better at geoing to sleep in her cot (usually has to be cuddled) so I'm hoping if she gets used to it she'll settle better during the night!