Baby won't sleep

[LadyRenoir]

If anyone has any clues what to do, please, as I have not clue what we're doing wrong and at the end of my wits...
My baby boy was born premature, so spent the first three weeks mainly sleeping and waking up for meals. Now he tends to be a lot more awake, but... he spent the last 5 hours crying. Usually after the meal he falls asleep, or stay awake for a bit and then falls asleep.

But since yesterday, he is very unsettled, only calms down when we give him food, only has very little, but cries when we take it away, then wants more food, then spits it out. Does not seem comfortable when we cuddle him (a lot of wriggling, bumping his head against our chests). Did have two short naps on my and my partner in the end, but the moment we put him in his cot where he usually sleeps fantastically, he woke up within 3 minutes to start crying again.

What can we do to calm/settle him down?

Maybe a growth spurt or leap? They go through fussy phases and can be fussy during feeds. Read up on cluster feeding also. It all sounds normal and I’m sure it’ll pass. How old is he?

How old is he? It could be so many different things depending on his age.
I'm assuming over 6 months if he's having food?
Check out the wonder weeks, like PP has said it could well be a leap. But teething is another likely option...

Sorry for doubling the thread, did not show I posted on my phone and then three appeared. The baby is 3 weeks only. 6 hours and crying is going strong...

Sorry when you said about feeding, I assumed you meant actual food.
Unfortunately very little babies are unpredictable and they change all the time. Skin to skin contact can work wonders so try that.
And read about the 4th trimester- this really helped me understand my baby's needs when they were tiny.

Weve had this with ds who is 4 weeks old. He was very unsettled last night....not sure what it is. Been googling it and still none the wiser. My friends think its a growth spurt too.....??
He's a little more settled this evening....fingers crossed.
Sorry no advice but wanted you to know that you're not alone. Will watch thread with interest. Wishing you luck.

After 6 hours he finally dozed off. Skin to skin was hit and miss, he either wriggled making high pitched noises. Then fell asleep on me, but the moment I put him down he would cry again.
@beckieperk, lets stay strong 😊 I hope it passes soon!

Fingers crossed @ladyrenoir. It all passes eventually....as the mumsnet moto goes.....doesn't make it easy in the meantime though. Hoping my (our) calm and peaceful babies return soon.

Ps....skin to skin is a great idea. Will try that if necessary tonight.

Are you winding him well during and after feeds? Could be trapped wind or a touch of colic. My ds suffered with colic from about 2 to 8 weeks. I used infacol before feeds and made a real effort to get a good burp out after every feed. He was still quite unsettled of an evening despite this and it was a case of comforting him as best we could until it passed, the monkey hold i think it's called worked best. It vastly improved at 8 weeks. It's hard when they cry for what appears to be no reason, it does pass though, hang in there.

@BentleyBelly
The problem with our baby is that he gulps the food down, and can finish the 60 ml he is having in 5 minutes if we let him, but if we take the bottle away for burping (which we do), he cries even more and more air gets into him. He can be very unsettled, flailing his arms and legs when he is hungry. We are trying to learn how to feed him better, and calm him down, but poor little guy is struggling with feeding.
We started giving him infacol with each meal, but have not noticed much difference tbh.
He has those episodes every day, today it was in the morning rather than afternoon, and lasted 3 hours. He was crying every time I put him in cot, but was not when I held him and I ended up walking with him in my arms for an hour in the afternoon, singing to the song of the Killers, all peaceful- up until when he fell asleep and I put him in his bed, when he would wake up to cry like if there was no tomorrow.
I also had to cook dinner in the meantime, which you can't do holding a baby and bounding it to various tunes from youtube, hahaha! (frozen meal again).

They are so clingy aren't they. I find a boba wrap really useful when ds wants constant cuddling but I need to use my hands! It's just constant guessing what they need at this stage. We're 3 months in now and thankfully over the colicky stage but we have stroppy nap refusal and car seat screaming now! Have you spoken to your health visitor about his frantic feeding? I'm breastfeeding a tongue tied, bottle refusing, greedy boy so have a different experience there I'm afraid.

@BentleyBelly we are going to a local children centre's feeding drop in next week to ask about that. My midwife was not very helpful, told us to take the bottle out and burp him, but he then starts crying and flailing his arms and I don't think that helps the colic at all, so it's a lose-lose situation.
I'm just quite desperate as after my partner's paternity finishes, I will be all on my own 24/7 with the baby, and he slept no hours last night, and hardly any during the day except for a car ride to the supermarket, unfortunately we can't spend days and nights driving him around like Miss Daisy up and down the street so that he can have a good nap :(
So just for now trying to learn if there is anything I can do to ease him into sleep, except him sleeping on my chest...

Have you considered trying a cranial osteopath? I never did personally, but have heard so many good stories.

Things that helped when my DD was very unsettled in her first weeks :

Swaddle - this saved my life. She loved it (had to persevere for a few days first - we bought a miracle blanket as she wriggled out of anything else) - it replicates the feeling of being enclosed in the womb, and helps to soothe. She was in it until 5.5 months!

Dummy - sucking is very soothing - again, I had to hold it in her mouth at first, but it really helped to settle her. It may be he is wanting the bottle but only drinking a small amount as he wants to suck.

White noise - I use the sound of waves from my Spotify on my phone- pretty loud, like the volume of the shower.

And I promise you, it does pass.

My DS was the same with food, turns out he has a lactose intolerance and is now on Nitramigin formula and is a completely different baby! Not saying that's what it is but may be worth seeing a doctor if no change? Does he poo ok?

Have you considered reflux? My DD had this and was very similar to your son, crying when put down, gulping down feeds, constant crying unless held upright. We tried everything available, even medicine of the doctor and the only thing that worked was changing her milk to a reflux milk, she changed overnight into a settled happy baby. Maybe something to explore with your DS?

Thank you all for your replies, I finally got some sleep so feeling a bit better today and going through a lot of things on my to do list and reading your replies and being more hopeful _
@Sipperskipper Swaddle did not work for us, he likes to put his hand near his face, and looked and sounded very distressed when we put him in the swaddle. I think we will be trying with him again, as he slept in it super well the first night and part of the second, but then it did not work so well after changing nappies and we had to put him in his regular night outfit.
He does like to sleep on our chests, but that is not that safe and not sustainable- I am now experimenting with rocking him in my arms as he is lying down, and then putting him to sleep- I have read some newborns found this 'transition' easier than being cuddled 'upright' and then being put to bed, will see if it works. Also got a white noise machine, not sure if it works for him, I definitely find it soothing :)
And yes, dummy may be the thing to look into, we are getting one today.

@ShuttyTown We are considering reflux or colic, but I think the special milks is something I will discuss with the GP first, not sure what the difference is between those and 'normal' formulas. Bean does get breastmilk, and we are trying to see if he behaves differently, but for now it just looks like there are times he will not be appeased no matter what, and times he happily passes out after being fed.

Lactose intolerance is another thing we thought of (I eat a lot of cheese, and I think formula has lactose too)- but again, there is no pattern, sometimes he is super unsettled and fussy and crying, and sometimes he is super calm after feeds and sleeps away, so I don't know if it would fit it with intolerance...

Glad you are feeling a little better. DD was the same with the swaddle, really, really fought it, but then after a while grew to love it. It also stopped her clawing her dummy out of her mouth.

I can’t recommend swaddle & dummy combo enough! I was so against using a dummy with DD, but it saved my sanity! She only ever has it for sleep times now (she is 8 months) and sleeps and naps like a pro.

Sending sleep solidarity, it is so tough!

He is still meant to be inside you, and you won't spoil him by cuddling. I second the recommendation of a soft stretchy wrap--he can sleep cuddled up to you like he wants and you can get on with the things you need to do. He will sleep on his own eventually, but he is far too little to spoil at the moment. If you really really need to put him down wait a good 20 mins after he falls asleep before you try, you want him to be really soundly asleep. Also try putting a t-shirt you have worn over his mattress, if his bed smells like you he might be happier in it.

I can highly recommend the Love To Dream arms up swaddle.

Babies are confusing aren’t they! I’ve just downloaded the wonder weeks app and it is so interesting! Your baby is premature so it might mean they are going through a development leap already (they base it on due date not birth date). Check it out it might give you an insight why little one is being fussy at the moment.

I had to stop breastfeeding unfortunately and so when I started bottles, I looked at ‘paced Bottle freding’ As my little girl was struggling with milk flow. It worked wonders at slowing her drinking down and allowed her to decide quite happily when she is full, rather than guzzling down the whole bottle. Even if yours decides to drink all of the milk, it might just take them a bit longer and so help with colic/tummy pains.

Lots and lots of cuddles of course :) my eldest is coming up to four and I’m now worrying I didn’t cuddle him enough as a newborn haha!

Sounds like he’s in pain. Are his poos explosive or is his bum red raw? If so cut out dairy. Are you breastfeeding or bottle.

If his tummy is swollen and is squirming around in pain - that could also be milk allergy.

To get the baby down in the cot heat up a microwave bean pack thing and warm the bed up first. Or you may find a baby carrier is all that will get him off.

@Placebogirl I love cuddling him, but 3 am when he cries non stop... Hard times not to doze off with him in my arms. He is so tiny though, and I do want to spoil him big times with cuddles. But unfortunately don't get much / any sleep during the days, so nights are particularly hard.
@Lemondrop99 - I think that's the one we have- I mean Love to Dream, but he has his arms inside it and sometimes wants to have them near his face, but I put him in it last night and he had a nice sleep actually.
@TheLepperd- thanks, will look into it! We are also going to a feeding workshop next week, hope to get some advice as well. I kind of feel people should be encouraged to go to postnatal course before the birth, instead everyone insists on antenatal and talks loads about birth, which is easy in comparison.
@Rkep - he does not poo frequently, but the poos are quite big. He gets a mix of mainly formula and some breastmilk. His tummy is sometimes very hard and swollen, but we started giving him infacol and it seemed to have gotten a lot better.

Not sure if this will help:

I really feel for you OP. I was one of the lucky ones with a baby who slept well but didn't want to be put down, my friend was unlucky,, shebreast fed like me but baby had reflux and colic Anne wouldn't be put down :-(
Stretchy wraps worked for both of us. Baby can sleep all snuggly and close and you can get on with the things that you have to do... As a side effect, we both found that the more they slept in the day time, the better they slept at night... Good luck!