what can I do with an unruly 9 months

[robertaplumkin]

We are at our wits end and I really really do not think i want to leave him to cry

we never recovered from
the 4 month regression, basically. so he's gone from being a good crib sleeper until 4-5am,
to being a needy co sleeper who feeds to sleep,
wakes frequently and, the final straw, will not go to bloody bed in the evening. he's standing and crawling and doesn't seem able to stop doing these things even when he's knackered. do we have any other options?! he doesn't use a dummy and he's eating loads of solids. he's down to about 1-2 BF during the day (he's too busy ) with a long session before bed and obviously 3-4 throughout the night. help!!

It is part of them learning new things they struggle to switch off. He's not doing it to be annoying, he's a baby. They don't do rage poos or cheerfully scream for hours in the car. He's a baby who is just beginning to understand that you are a separate person from him and he is understandably upset when you leave him.

It's tough but it's normal, it won't last forever. If co sleeping gets you some sleep just roll with it. 4-11 months were the worst for both my kids, there is so much going on, teething, developmental stuff, separation anxiety.

My youngest is 4, so I'm afraid I can't really remember!
I do remember the post lunch nap though, and someone telling me that they mustn't sleep past 3.30/4 if you want them to go to bed at 7pm.

So maybe 2-3 would be good?

Or is he doing that weird thing babies and children do which is to be more manic the more tired they are? Being 'over-tired' is a real thing. Could bedtime be a bit earlier?

ok so how does this sound for a new v strict sleep routine?? ::

7am - up for the day. breakfast. get dressed. playtime.

930am - in car for a nap (mama almost certainly wearing pjs and uggs) (based on today when he was a little ratty by 10)

11am - up and if we are going somewhere we have arrived and been sat in the car such is life when one will only nap in the car i suppose we will also have to fit lunch in here regardless of whether we are out or not.

2pm - in car to go out/go home from nap 2.

530 pm - dinner prep/eating
630pm - bath and upstairs for story etc
730pm - in bed for booby we'll address that another day
8pm - asleep. right DS?

QUESTION:

If he's still asleep at 11, aka still asleep, having a long nap day should i leave him to sleep??? and if so should i push afternoon nap back by equivalent time or do i stick to the schedule???

Wait. This sounds like your are substituting one problem (night time sleep) for another, ie will only sleep when being driven around.

The first nap is too long. He needs only 40-45 mins in the morning. No more than an hour.
7 am up breakfast.
9/9:30 Nap.
11:30 lunch
12-2 Nap (ideally)
6 pm bedtime routine

Also your problem is getting him to sleep. I would have the same sleep cues each time. Change a nappy (daytime) and bath and clothes at night time. Read the same book. Offer boob or even milk in a cup. Keep things calm. Offer him a blanket or muslin to hold and the same one every day. And say the same things.
If he’s purple, take him out and hold him but don’t jiggle/rock/engage and keep saying ‘it’s night time’ and offering the lovey/muslin.

And yes it’s peak separation anxiety time so remind him that Mummy is there. Mummy comes back etc. It will click eventually.

But I would be wary of driving around for naps because then that’s a new habit and you can’t do that at night.

He's learnt that screaming gets what he wants and that has to change.

I'd not do the nap in the car, he has to learn that bed is for sleep.

I'd also continue with offering water throughout the night, let him scream, be firm, tell him no milk, etc and don't give in. Before bed and when he has his last milk reiterate that no milk, water in cup if he needs it. Maybe do a star chart if he would understand that.

If you're breastfeeding don't substitute water for milk overnight, they still need the calories from the milk at that age especially if they're feeding less during the day.
I don't have any answers as my lg (8.5 mo) is a nightmare sleeper too. Her current trick is to crawl/sit/stand in her cot and refuses to lie down. I'm on my knees from lack of sleep atm so lots of sympathy from me x

Whatever you implement the main thing is that you're consistent with it - it won't work if you just try it one night and then decide it's not working.