14 mo terrible sleeper - advice/reassurance

[LouB1234]

Hello. So our DD has never been a good sleeper. Since she was 9mo and she was ill for a couple of weeks she has been waking 4-5 times a night expecting a bf. Before then we could settle her with a dummy but she was waking up to 10 times for it so we got rid of it.
She naps well, has a good bedtime routine and is in bed by 7.15 usually. She also isn't fed to sleep at either of her nap times or bedtime as I worked on that a few months ago... So she can settle herself!
For the last three weeks I've gradually been reducing the length of her feeds at night and the night before last we decided to start night weaning cold turkey. My husband slept in the room with her. She awoke at 10.30 and cried for the next three hours until she was absolutely hysterical, jerking, screaming etc, then after an argument with my husband I caved and have her a feed (plus another one when she woke at 4.30am...). Last night she then woke 6 times rather than the usual 4 expecting a feed . Its making me miserable as I don't look and feel like myself anymore and I need my life and self-confidence back!
We have agreed to try night weaning again next weekend and to try and not give in. Also that neither me nor my husband will stay in the room with her as she gets more upset when she can see us. The problem is she is so strong willed and I am worried that it will result in even less sleep for everyone, if that's even possible! What I want is reassurance from others who have been in a similar situation that it will work and it is worth trying again! Thanks.

He first thing I’d try is upping her calories in the day. Is she eating much? How often does she feed during the day?

The next thing I’d look at is Dr Jay Gordon’s night Weaning method. It’s a bit more gentle than Cry it Out, but they do get there.

Good luck

Thank you . She's a good eater in the day, three meals plus snacks but i have been wondering if I should up her portion sizes.
We've actually been doing an amended version of Jay Gordon with the reduced feeding but now it's time to cut the night feeds completely and I worry that picking 5 hours will send mixed messages and also we have worked out that staying with her comforting her just made her get more upset and so we think we will have to do controlled checking instead. DH also worries about swapping comfort of the boob for comfort of a hand on back but I am less concerned by this. But may have to try Jay Gordon 5 hour period if this doesn't work

Very similar to my dd. Strong willed, obsessed with bf and terrible sleeper at that age. Cold turkey on night feeding is exactly what we did and it worked. Although this was later for us, as our bf 'journey' (bleugh sorry) was dropping day feeds first to just morning/ eve / night time, then dropping nighttime feeds, then the am/eve ones. I did it cold turkey each time and she was surprisingly fine with it when she realised i was serious and it was consistent.

So deciding what to do and sticking to it (even at 4am when your eyeballs are falling out of your head). We also, despite my attachment parenting style in the daytime, did controlled crying. You might not be into that. It fit my dds personality as she kept pushing for more and more nighttime attention if she could get it (i.e. not less) so when she understood self settling she started sleeping through.

Maybe not your style but that's our experience. Good luck!

(By the way we did the very London thing of paying for 90min of a sleep consultants time on a Skype call and it was amazing. Pm me and i can send details if that is of interest)

She’s does sound very similar to my DD and she did stop Bfing in the night completely at around 2 years 8 months. Have you read 12 Alternatives for the all night nurser and the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers?

That is really good to know. I think my baby is very similar to yours CatRen27. Just hoping we don't end up in the situation we were in on Friday night when we start again at the weekend!
I have considered hiring a sleep consultant but I don't think DH would be keen but thank you for the recommendation!

I have read the No Cry Sleep Solution, the first book not the one for toddlers, so will definitely check both of those out - thanks