9 week old, feel I’m getting everything wrong

[MsBranwen]

I am feeling so despondent about about most aspects of my mothering, but especially sleep.

ds is 9 weeks old and am really struggling with getting him to sleep in his crib.

He is quite colicky so usually crying and unsettled Until about 10, then dh gives him bath and usually gives him a bottle of expressed milk around 10.30 and then does manage to settle him into his crib by 11.30, where he will sleep ok until about 2.30 at the latest (today only 1.30) and then he wakes and cries and becomes impossible to settle back into his crib even with lots of rocking, feeding, hugging. He used to be ok at settling, even if it was just for half an hour, but now the transfer always seems to unsettle him again.

I’m really anxious about ‘safe sleeping’ so cosleeping and swaddling not an option and also don’t want to become dummy reliant, I realise I’m making things harder for myself this way!

I’m ebf and we’ve had a lot of feeding difficulties due to tongue tie so I don’t think he ever gets really nicely full from feeding at the breast. I’m wondering if I should express more as he seems more satisfied after a bottle?

I just feel a bit hopeless about it all really.

That sounds really tough! 9 weeks is still tiny though, and you’re doing really well to have him in any sort of routine at all!
Have you tried gently warming the crib with a hot water bottle before he goes back in?

Could have written your post! Also got a 9 week DS who does first half of the night in his next 2 me cot but refuses to go in after that. Currently feeding him and praying he will go back to sleep even if it's just on me!

It is totally normal, babies like the comfort at this stage although not much consolation to us sleepless mamas! Swaddling might help - I know you're worried about the safety but it is safe, you could get a swaddling wrap?

Come join us on the non sleepers thread - plenty of mums in the same boat!

I have an 8 week old - he sleeps ok for the first part of the night (in a sleepyhead) but once he wakes in the early hours it's really hard to settle him again. He only wants to sleep on me which means I can't sleep. Probably not much help but I think it's completely normal at this age and they'll grow out of it.
We've had some success with white noise and we've just bought a my hummy - first night of using it and he managed an additional 2.5 hour sleep from 2am. They're expensive but I'll pay anything for sleep! I did test out white noise using an app on my phone first so we he liked it.

Sorry to hear you guys are in a similar boat... Its just so frustrating and exhausting isn’t it and I constantly feel like I’m doing something wrong and it’s all my fault. He’s a fussy baby and cries a lot during the day and after feeds (lots of reflux too) so looking after him is quite intense.

I put a hot water bottle in his bed and managed to put him down for half an hour before he woke, but then he was able to go back to sleep til almost 6 as I put down the side of his Snuzpod and hugged him from the side.

He’s now asleep v happily on me whilst I express a feed for tonight!

I’m hoping if nothing else things will improve when he starts weaning at 6 months...

I could have written this 9 months ago! My son had awful colic. I'm afraid to say he sleep on my chest for pretty much 3 month. It was the only way to get him to sleep.

Just want to reassure you, you can't make bad habits at this age. I gave my son a dummy in the end which helped.

It will get better.

This is really normal you’re not doing anything wrong! Have a look into the 4th trimester. Have you tried a dummy and a swaddle? Otherwise I’d look into safe cosleeping.

You are doing nothing wrong. He just wants to feed and be with you. Breast milk is digested so quickly that they can continually feed.

Just in case you want to consider cosleeping.

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/07/Co-sleeping-and-SIDS-A-Guide-for-Health-Professionals.pdf

www.isisonline.org.uk/pdf_info/

it's absolutely normal but I promise it does get better (i could have written this 4 months ago)

My DS is now in his cot, upstairs and has been asleep for nearly 2 hours (and has spent part of pretty much every night in it for 3 months now, bar illness)

We do cosleep, especially from about 4 am as neither I or his dad can cope with 5 am starts.

Can't promise he'll feed any less though as apart from a few weeks around 3 months, I seem to be feeding every 2 hours more or less :-(

I'm there with you. My 10 week old is the same and I am exhausted!! Just when you think things are getting better (a few nights last week he slept until 2am after his 9pm feed!) It all goes to shit again... tonight he is being so fussy again. I try co-sleeping and it doesn't make a difference! I don't think it's me/comfort he wants! He is also BF. People keep saying it will get better but I just can't see it! And don't know how much longer I can survive on so little sleep!!

@ethelfleda, that sounds so like us, occasionally a good night but then back to waking every half hour or so. I’ve tried lying him down beside me but it’s the upright position he seems to need to sleep well, lying on his back to sleep anywhere just isn’t his thing! I do keep trying, so every night we get about 3 stints of 0.5-2.5 hours of him in his bed and the rest he spends upright on me. A dummy helps him settle but he wakes when it falls out of his mouth. As a newborn he hated swaddling and I’m too scared to Start now as I’ve read that there is increased sids risk for babies who start getting swaddled later... so I think we’ll just have to stick it out!

Some nights I can be quite zen about it because I do know it won’t be forever, but other nights I just feel like an incompetent failure