Bedtime routine - very confused HELP!

[JES12]

My LG is 11 weeks. So far we have let her sleep downstairs / sit with use whilst we are watching the TV and then bring her upstairs at 10/10.30 for a feed and then bed (in our room) - she normally settles at 11.30/45 which is too late for hubby and I.

When we are downstairs she will fall asleep at 8pm - 8.30pm but then be wide awake until we go up at 10/10.30pm when she gets her feed.

I want to start a bed time routine but am a tad confused.

1. Should I be putting her upstairs at 8pm and hoping she sleeps until 10ish for her feed?
2. I’m worried that if I do manage to get her off at 8-10 then she will be wide awake when we are wanting to go asleep
3. Is there any point in forcing her to sleep when she doesn’t need to but letting her stay awake until that time feels wrong?
4. Will she naturally go to sleep earlier and as she gets older and I should just go with the flow?

I’m so confused!

Thanks in advance xx

You'll get all sorts of opinions here but in my opinion some babies will not be scheduled. My twins certainly wouldn't. I'd see people say that they just put their baby down at a certain time and left them etc, and I'd ask what they'd do if the baby didn't sleep and screamed - they'd say "oh well of course I'd pick them up then but they don't". Well mine did. Mine know perfectly well when they want to sleep and won't take kindly to being expected to sleep outside of that! It's all well and good if your baby will sleep when you expect it of them, but if they don't you can't make them!

I think the pattern you describe is very common for young babies - things tend you change after about 4 months. Ours used to sleep from about to 10pm but gradually they got tired earlier and earlier and we kept moving it earlier from about 6 months. Remember youre meant to be in the same room as them while they sleep anyway so you probably don't want them going to bed at 8pm as you will then have to as well!

In my experience, keeping them awake is a bad idea because when they're overtired they sleep poorly and for less time.

I know mums who've been very scheduled but mIne never cooperated so I've followed their lead with milk and sleep. They're now 16 months and still hate sleep but they've had much more of a schedule since they were about 11 months.

We started a rough routine from about four weeks and it has been hit and miss until more recently where our 12 week old will generally sleep from 7-8pm- ish.

We bath her between 6-6:30 and then go to the bedroom and sit in dim light with a bottle and a story. It can take a while for her to settle but she can often be settled by 8pm. We live in a tiny house but keeping the door open was disturbing her so we have bought a monitor so we can hear if she stirs and also check on her very frequently. I know they are supposed to sleep in the same room as you but she has got to the age where she just can’t sleep if there is other stuff going on around her. She usually wakes for a feed just before or as we are going to bed and can then go all night, or sometimes wake between 3-6 for another feed.

I think it is worth a try and persevering so that she gets used to the routine, even if it doesn’t always go to plan.

Good luck!

It’s really normal for young babies to be sleeping as you describe, I’d expect a 7/7.30 bedtime way past 6 months, closer to a year x

I agree that some babies may not be able to settle at a proper bedtime until they are much older but I think it’s worth a try just to see. I know we are lucky that ours seems to have got the night and day thing already.

Also just to clarify, our daughter does sleep in the our bedroom, but there are a few hours when she is upstairs and we aren’t.

Our dd is nearly 12 weeks and we have now established a routine that kind of works for us:
Nap finishes at x time (changes every day, we don’t feed/nap to scheduled times)
Feed, with a bottle (only bottle of the day, she doesn’t usually take this very well)
Changing/bath/play time for an hour to hour and half. Usually ends with crying, probably need to read her ‘sleepy’ cues better
Breast feed to sleep in dark bedroom with loud white noise. Put down in sleepyhead. Go downstairs (monitor on), she’s usually unsettled for an hour or so, so we are up and down a few times, shhing and patting. Sometimes I will feed again. This is usually around 9pm. Then she finally settles.
We come to be shortly after, she is probably only ever in the bedroom for 30 mins at a time on her own, with the video monitor on.
We don’t disturb her when we come to bed. White noise playing loudly means we can make noises and have a whispered chat to eachother in bed.
She sleeps through peacefully to 3am at earliest, 5am latest, breastfeeds, then goes back to sleep until 7am-8am.
This schedule may not be ideal for others and full of mistakes (like feeding to sleep) but it works for us and I don’t feel tired at all during the day.
Naps/feeds during the day are totally led by her, 1.5 max waking time.
Sometimes this all goes tits up but I feel we are getting there!

Whatever you do, the 4 month regression will dick all over it so I just never bothered.

We live in chaos, it works for us!

Remember guidelines to reduce SIDS say all sleep in same room as you til 6 months.....

For the sake of your sanity I’d say keep her downstairs with you till you go to bed. DD1 I tried to do the ‘right’ thing and ended up on my own eating one handed in our dimly lit bedroom. DD2 I just had her downstairs with us till she started going to sleep earlier and earlier then I’d put her in her bed and have a bit of an evening. As a PP says don’t get into too much of a routine because the 4-5 month sleep regression will throw everything out.

Oh and bedtime routines shouldn’t last more than 45 minutes or they get a second wind because it’s been dragged out for so long. Upstairs, clean bottom, wash with a flannel or bath, pjs, milk, a short story or song then put in the cot.

If you're really keen to get into a routine, read Gina Ford.

Am running away with my tin hat firmly donned as she is very unpopular on MN, but it worked for my babies who slept through (apart from a 10.30 dream feed) from 7-6 from 8 weeks ish.

I'm only a FTM but feel sleep is developmental. DD is just learning to self soothe now despite trying and trying previously and at 11 weeks, DD would sleep at 11pm but gradually got earlier. I'd feel guilty other mum's had their babies asleep by 7pm, nothing worked getting DD to sleep then but gradually you'll notice your baby sleeping longer at a certain time. My DD will sleep now at 5 months at 8pm and wake up around 11pm for a feed, luckily she's bf so I can feed her in her next to me crib and she will stay half asleep with no full wake up. If she does, I don't look directly at her as I find she sees this as me engaging and starts babbling away which sounds mean and a bit nuts but DD would just have a switch flicked into daytime mode whenever I did.

We did introduce a bedtime routine that fit into DD's sleep schedule that she naturally has. She will have a bath at 6.30pm followed by massage, a story and feed. She usually gets to sleep around 8pm but it's all trial and error at first. Consistent bath times and after bath rituals help. Things to remember are that babies need wind down time that's at least half and hour before and somewhere dimly lit, no TV and minimal noise to signify it's sleep time soon.

Also, overtiredness can cause issues with babies being wide awake so make sure there's enough napping during the day and the last nap isn't too close to bedtime if possible as your baby will resist a routine then. I went through a stage around 15 weeks of having to try everything to get DD to nap adequately because if she didn't she wouldn't sleep well enough at night and then bad night sleep had a knock on effect with naps the next day again.

Don't worry too much though, try if you can but it really is developmental when your DD is ready. HTH

HV came round around for 9 week visit and suggested to start routine and put baby upstairs with monitor in the next few weeks (I did mention about SIDS but she said to check regularly and have monitor anyway). She is now 13 weeks old and has adjusted quite well, although it took a while to find the right routine.

I go by her feeding times (when she is next due a bottle) and what time she woke from nap.

For us it goes bottle, bath, bed anytime from 6-8. I tried bath, bottle bed however as DD would cry after getting out the bath and having to be dried/getting dressed so the bottle would settle her, however she also suffers bad reflux so wasn’t settling in bed (this took days to figure out). Since the bottle, bath, bed she is relaxed after bath and goes to sleep with little fuss. There are odd few days but it’s all hit and miss. Just try to stick with the routine the next day as much as possible. Dream feed when I come up around 10-11pm and she’s out until 7am.

I’ve heard to try and not let them nap 1/1.5 hours before bed if possible as they may not be tired, so maybe try bedtime routine as they wake up from nap so hopefully he/she will be tired as it gets to bedtime. Also no matter how DD has been in the night, I try to stick around the same wake up time so her body clock becomes used day/night.

It’s working so far! Although it will all change soon probably 😂 good luck OP!

My baby is now 8 months old and we started a bedtime routine between 12 and 16 weeks and sleeping well. Before that we were doing the same as you with him falling asleep on us downstairs whilst we watched tv, and bounced on an exercise ball. At around 12 weeks we started feeding him upstairs around 7pm then putting him down to sleep upstairs with the baby monitor. He soon got the hang of sleeping there without us and would usually be asleep by 8pm. It took less than a week to get established, but there was a lot of crying! We were confident that he wanted to be askeep, just had to learn to sleep without a warm body holding him. I would sit outside his room and give myself tasks like folding the laundry, or painting nails and i wouldnt go in until the task was done.

Then we would wake him for a feed at 10:30/11pm. He fell back to sleep easily after this feed but it was iften a long feed (breast feeding) as he was filling himself up. Soon after that we were able to drop the middle of the night feed, so he slept 11:30ish to 6:30/7:30.

At some stage we started the bath then milk then bed routine. I think that was around 16 weeks.
Good luck, you'll get there😊

Dscar Your health visitor's advice is completely incorrect and she should be reported for advising that! A monitor won't help a baby who has stopped breathing and they need to be in a room with you to remind them to breathe.

People do put babies younger than 6mo to sleep in a separate room, that's their choice of course. But a HCP should never be advising something that is so contradictory to the guidelines!

It's definitely worth reading up on SIDS advice. Baby should be in the same room as you for sleep at all times until six months as PPs have mentioned.

we followed this advice but did start a routine of sorts at about 12 weeks. The later (11pm ish) feed became something of a dream feed in time before it was dropped so baby slept with us downstairs from 7-10, for example, was awake for a bit then fed at 11 then up to the bedroom with us for the next spell of sleep.

The advise is there for a reason and cot deaths have dropped in the years since the advice has been implemented.

but there was a lot of crying! We were confident that he wanted to be askeep, just had to learn to sleep without a warm body holding him. I would sit outside his room and give myself tasks like folding the laundry, or painting nails and i wouldnt go in until the task was done.

I really wouldn’t advocate letting a small baby cry themselves to sleep 🙄