23 months and tantrums at bedtime and middle of night

[spydie]

At my wits end (and seriously sleep deprived). DD is 23 months and has always (with exception of illness or teething) been an amazing sleeper.

I don't know if the chaos of Christmas has unsettled her - we had family to stay as well as a family bereavement and a lot of travelling- therefore a few later bedtime and missed day time naps, but she has suddenly become a nightmare to put to bed and stay asleep. She also developed a nighttime cough just under a week ago (although gone now) and DH bought her into our bed 2 nights in a row, and since then it's really got bad. She's having a meltdown at bedtime (7pm), lies down with her teddies and dummy, but 2 mins later has thrown them out of her cot and is standing up screaming. If we go back in she lies straight back down good as gold with the dummy, but anything from 30 seconds to 5 minutes she's back doing it again. This just plays on repeat basically. We've tried leaving her longer and this eventually seems to work that she's so exhausted she finally falls asleep. She also headbuts the cot though as part of these tantrums and she now has a bruise on her forehead .

She is also waking in the early hours of the morning and the same scenario is unfolding. We were awake hours last night.

We have tried comforting her, explaining that its bedtime/nighttime and her teddies would like to have a cuddle and go to sleep, tried going in but no talking/fuss. Nothing works until she exhausts herself.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Is this just a phase? I'm 9 weeks with No2 and don't want to entertain her coming into our bed...

I could have written your post OP, except my two year old has the added bonus of now climbing out of his cot so he can continue his screaming while also banging the door. Interested in any advice.

He is sat next to me on the couch as I can't be arsed to begin battle just yet...

Could there be something upsetting her in her room? Ds has been upset recently 'because of the white man in his room'. He is terrified to go to bed and wakes up in the night scared and upset. Last night I read his bedroom story in our room and settled him down. We went to his room and talked about his room. The white man is on the ceiling so I cleaned the ceiling with spray (but he is still there!) I told him he is safe and nothing bad will happen to him. He now has his Hulk, Captain America and Ironman toys on his bedside table protecting him and although he was hysterical for an hour at bedtime, he slept well. Tonight he wasn't scared but his figures are watching him again.
There are a lot more things in his room, Christmas toys, so new shadows in the dark that have spooked him I think. He is 2 and a half so a bit easier to reason with but there was no way I could get back in the habit of letting him in our bed again.
I hope your DD settles soon.

I read this last night and saved so I could write today. My advice is consistency. Work out what you want (go to bed quietly at X time) then break it into chunks then stick to it. It’s a bit of a battle of the wills at that age and I’d expect the trantrums will get worse before things improve. I’d probably do it like this:

1. Start with a bed time cue. We did in the night garden, then Bath and up to bed. No downstairs time after this. Ever

2. into bed clothes. Read book or 2 in bed to them. Dim lights.

3. allow child to play in bed but if noisy or get out return to bed. I think for at least a week or two you’ll need to sit in room and supervise gradually leaving until on landing etc

4. any leaving bed room return with no conversation or fuss. Just return. You’ll probably need to repeat this many times. If necessary sit in dark / semi dark until child falls asleep. Over period of time extract.

At least this is what I did and it worked. Not going to pretend it was fun and it took a couple of weeks but we got there in end! I never did controlled crying. I personally thought it just made things worse.

All the best!

@teachesofpeaches sorry to hear you are facing this too it's not fun

@fishcalledlola I really don't know if something is frightening her. She's just that bit too young to really be able to say. She has a highlight on though and I've moved the new toys in her room so she can't seem them from her cot, but that hasn't made a difference.

@sototallyoverthis thanks for reply. I'm really trying to strive for consistency, we've always had a very consistent bedtime routine so that isn't hard, but also trying to put the upheaval if Christmas behind us in terms of daytime naps as well.

She has always been happy to just go to bed at 7pm, and if not tired she would simply lie quietly. Now she screams hysterically the minute you try and put her in the cot and it's horrible to see her like that.

Last night I did sit with her and she calmed down quickly. Once she's calm she actually quite reasonable! I asked if she was going to go to sleep for mummy and she said yes and closed her eyes. She was fast asleep in 5 minutes and I left. However she started up again about midnight and everytime we settled her she only lasted 5 mins or so, so in the end I slept on the floor next to her and then she was absolutely fine.

Probably worst thing I could have done, but I'm so exhausted!