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Sleep

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Original poster

My 2.5 year old takes an age to get to sleep at night

14 replies

Badumdumdum · 05/01/2018 21:30

Help.
My 2 and a half year old sleeps through the night fine, but is often not asleep until 9pm or so in the evening. This is utterly draining for me and my OH.

We go up to bed at 7. Stories and maybe gentle quiet play. Aim for lights out at 7.45, then we have to stay with him until he goes to sleep. This can take until gone 9. My OH sits on the floor and holds his hand. I tend to sit holding him in bed or if I'm really exhausted lie down with him.

He gets woken up at 7/7.15 monday - thurs as these are childminder days. Fri - sun he wakes himself up amy time between 7 and 9. He hates being woken up. He naps for about half an hour any time between 12 and 3. If we keep him in the house all day he doesn't nap and goes to sleep about 8. If we are out of the house he falls asleep in the car or pushchair in the early afternoon, no matter what time he got up that day.

We need him asleep by 8, or at least to be able to leave him in his room at 8. Is it possible to do this without him having a meltdown? Tonight i tried explaining to him that he needs to go to sleep and we were getting somewhere then he got hysterical and he has only just gone to sleep.

Help. How do we do this?

OP posts:

Chilver · 05/01/2018 21:33

Have you tried an earlier bedtime? It might be that you are just missing his 'go to sleep' window, particularly as you say he hates being woken and still naps - sounds like he isn't getting enough sleep. I'd try an earlier bedtime for a few days and see what happens.

As for the leaving him to go to sleep alone, do you have a gro clock or similar? That works quite well.

Original poster

Badumdumdum · 05/01/2018 21:45

We have a gro clock. He loves turning the sun off. Doesn't help him go to sleep.

What earlier bedtime would you suggest? He has always seemed too awake for an earlier bedtime, esp on those odd days where he naps till 4 which i know is way too late but sometimes it can't be helped. Mind you he still looks tired after his naps. I feel like he has never had a go to sleep window. :(

OP posts:

TeachesOfPeaches · 05/01/2018 21:55

My two year old has just started acting up at bedtime. Before I would put him in his cot awake, say goodnight and close the door. However, now he climbs over the cot and screams and bangs the door in pure hysteria. How do you stop the screaming while making them go to bed?

Chilver · 05/01/2018 22:03

I would try 6.30 and really wind down from 6pm. But stop the afternoon napping!! No ways will anyone sleep if they've had a later afternoon nap

Original poster

Badumdumdum · 05/01/2018 22:26

Teaches - our boy was going crazy in his cot so we put him in a bed, he was prolly 20 months at this time, he was so much happier in the bed.

Chilver - how do i stop the napping?? Do we just stay in the house each afternoon till he's got the hang of it?

OP posts:

Chilver · 05/01/2018 23:29

If he really still needs a nap, then let him have an early one (before lunch time?) and wake him up after say 45mins? Thats what we did during the transition phase. Or just stop them, stay at home in the afternoons for a few days perhaps and bring bed time earlier. He'll adjust quickly (I hope - I'm only going off experience with one!)

Original poster

Badumdumdum · 05/01/2018 23:49

He won't nap in the morning though. I've never been able to put him down for a nap. My OH used to be able to but now he's not having any of it.
Sorry this sounds like I'm making excuses. I do appreciate the advice! I think we'll ask the childminder to stop putting him down for a nap, we'll try cuttng his nap (if we can) and putting him to bed earlier and some of sort of gentle retreat/leave him for 2 minutes to get the hang of it. He willbe happier if he sleeps longer at night, i know it.

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 06/01/2018 12:44

our boy was going crazy in his cot so we put him in a bed

You didn't solve the problem, you just changed it. I would have kept the cot and dealt with the problem there.

now he climbs over the cot and screams and bangs the door in pure hysteria

Teaches, that's a really clear communication that he doesn't want you to leave. For now, this kind of separation anxiety us usually just a phase.

I'd stay with him at bedtime. Any time he stand or fits up in the cot, tap the mattress, tell him to lie down, and wait while pointedly looking at him. If he doesn't move, repeat tapping mattress, tell him to lie down and wait. Focus your attention (and praise) on this and nothing else. You want him to lie down.

It may take a lot if patience and time, but once he's learn the boundary regarding lying down, next focus lying down and being quiet. That's all you want - lying down and quiet.

After lots more time and patience invested, then it's time to start gradually withdrawing from the room. Slowly, gradually, over time.

Original poster

Badumdumdum · 06/01/2018 13:51

Err we did solve the problem, it was that he hated the bars and he couldn't get to us. Putting him in the bed made him calm, happy and he started going to sleep far easier and less stressed. He has also never climbed out of his bed at bedtime, he just wants us nearby and to know he can get to us if he wants. Not every one has the luxury of being able to spend months getting the kids to calm and learn to be quiet, not when there are other quicker options.

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 06/01/2018 14:13

Not every one has the luxury of being able to spend months getting the kids to calm and learn to be quiet, not when there are other quicker options.

Well, we could look at that.

I'd say about 4-6 months of time investment (of up your an hour) at bedtime and nap time was needed. From around 9 months old to about 14 months old. From that point onwards bedtime takes only a few minutes.

So we could add up which was is "quicker".

2 years (730 days) of 2 hours to get baby to sleep.
or about 150 days with 1h time investment and lots of patience.

I would not describe using gradual withdrawal as a "luxury" of having lots of time. The opposite in fact. I would say that by teaching those clear boundaries of expectation, my life is easier. The luxury you get from it is more evening time and less stress.

Investing the time (and patience) initially is not a luxury. It's hard work, but worth it.

Everyone is different though. I was only making a suggestion as an altruistic way you help you. Feel free to just ignore me.

Original poster

Badumdumdum · 06/01/2018 17:40

It's not just about time though. It's about having the headspace and energy to be able to implement those things. We tried stuff like gradual withdrawal at 9 months and onwards, and they were not working. My son was just too young then. Now he is older and understanding lots more I think it's now time to get bedtimes sorted out.

It's not helpful for you to say that something we did months ago was the wrong thing.

OP posts:

TeachesOfPeaches · 06/01/2018 17:49

Fate Do two year olds get separation anxiety? I'm a lone parent and we share a room, however, he has been in full time childcare since he was 8months old and hasn't really been a clingy child too much before.

Sarahh2014 · 06/01/2018 17:54

Do u stay with him because gets upset? If not just leave him to it we bought our ds a small torch so when we kissed him good night and left if he wanted to play for few mins with soft toys in bed before fell asleep he could

Allthebestnamesareused · 06/01/2018 17:56

Stop the stories (plural) and play.

Bath, into bed, one story and night night. No staying in the room until he sleeps. say goodnight and leave! You may have a couple of nights where he gets up and comes down to you. You take him by the hand and silently put him back in bed and say goodnight and go again.

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