Help with 11mo who will not lie down

[Badgerthebodger]

Can anyone give me any advice as DS is about to finish me off. He’s just turned 11mo, cruising and starting to get brave about letting go. The problem is that he now will not lie down.

He’s gone from being a pretty good sleeper who would go down awake but drowsy and nod off. He was sleeping through from 6.30 to 7 (I’m sorry, I know how lucky I was) with a dream feed at 11pm.

He’s now not going down till 9ish - which is fine, but then he’s up again at 11, then again around 4am. The problem is that as soon as he wakes up, he stands up and he absolutely will not lie back down. I lie him down, he pops straight back up. I’ve tried put my arm across him and he goes crazy, bashing me and scratching and screaming his head off. I tried 30 mins of lying him back down last night and he just got more and more upset

The only way I can get him back to sleep is in bed with me and about 20 mins of stroking his face. I absolutely cannot co-sleep, I’m on heavy medication and it’s not safe. This means I’m absolutely exhausted because I have to stay awake until he’s settled then try and transfer him back to the cot without waking him!

Sorry that was long, does anyone have any suggestions?

I would say, especially as his sleep has always been so good, it is most definitely just a phase and shouldn’t last too long x

Would you say just keep taking him into bed with me then? I’m worried about starting a bad habit when we’ve managed to get this far along without any!

badger I'm going through a similar thing with my 13 month old so I'm absolutely no expert but I would say try and persevere with lying him back down. Would it be an option to move the cot into your room for a bit and put next to your bed?

At the end of the day - you are best to do what you need to do to get through this phase so I wouldn't panic too much if you do end up taking him into your bed. Sorry there's no real advice here but offering solidarity and hoping this phase passes quickly!!

We had this and I ended up doing CC (10 mins/2mins) but didn’t lie them back down as it was pointless. They would fall asleep scrunched up but then move again a bit later. When I went to bed I then moved them to a more comfy position. Good luck!

He’s in a small cot next to the bed, we haven’t moved him into his own room yet. Do you think he would eventually go to sleep if I left him to it? He seems to just want to roam round the cot sides and shout for me!

have you tried putting him in a sleeping bag? it may make it harder for him to stand up in the first place. we used them for ours x

He’s in a sleeping bag yes, in desperation I put a summer one on him then tucked a blanket over him really tightly and he still got out

My DS did this too. If he wasn't upset but was happy wandering around I just used to leave him to it and he'd eventually sit down then lie down and go back to sleep. He was in his own room though. It helped if it was really dark too as nothing to actually look at!!!

Ours gave up once they realised that just because they were able to stand, it didn’t make a difference to the fact it was bedtime! Points for trying though.

It’s definitely pitch black!! He likes to wander the cot shouting, escalating to crying if we don’t come. I sense I’ve got a tricky one

I'd just ignore a bit of shouting.. othewise sooth and shoosh, but leave for intervals of time.

I wouldn’t punish your little one with controlled crying for doing something that is developmental.

I'm here in solidarity rather than with any advice I'm afraid. My 11.5 month old, good sleeper since 8 months old has just started doing the same.

Just so you know you aren't alone!

We are also at a loss what to do, unlike you co sleeping is an option for us and so for the last few days we have used that with some success (still waking occassionally and kicking us, but still more settled than in the cot) but I'm going back to work soon and really it can't become a habit as none of us are really getting a good nights sleep.

I've ordered a cot duvet and pillow which with will be arriving next week some time as I think some of the problem is she likes snuggling up with us and doesn't like her sleeping bag. She has always been a child who wants to copy adults rather than having baby versions of things (cups, forks etc)

Not very constructive catlady I don’t think anyone who has suggested controlled crying is punishing their child

DS did exactly the same last night, I tried to put him back down once and he popped up, so ignored him for a bit but he just got upset. Tried to lie him back down a few times but he just got more unhappy.

Iit is normal. When they're on the cusp of walking, their brains make them stand up and practise even before they're properly awake. They have no control over it as it's developmental. They find it baffling, frustrating and upsetting too which is why you find them getting very anxious when you lie them down. Their brains are adamant they master the new skill.

Imo, you do what you can to get through it. Personally, that didn't involve controlled crying as they had no choice or control and the behaviour ended when the developmental phase passed.

DD has been walking unaided for nealy 3 months already though show, so she's had enough time to get over her excitement.

Perhaps she's just being awkward

I'd be tempted to just leave him, since my LO learnt to crawl and sit up it's all she wants to do. During the night she is pretty good but at nap time she is sat up straight away. I just leave her (can watch her on the camera) she wonders around the cot for a bit and eventually gets bored and lies down and goes to sleep.

I’d just leave him too it unless he cries and then try the stroking face in the cot. If he still is upset try cuddling him til he’s sleepy and try and out down again. I’d persist now if I were you as I didn’t and have learnt the hard way!

Exactly as ShowOfHands says (more elegantly than me). They can’t help it, so leaving them to cry is punishment for something they are also struggling with themselves.

He's going through a period of change. Be there for your baby. This phase won't last forever and you'll never regret not leaving your baby to cry.
I bed shared until about 15 months. Now she sleeps like a dream all night in her own bed.

I don’t leave him to cry at all, he’s in a cot right next to me and the minute he gets upset I’m there. I am just struggling that he will not lie down at all and I can only get him to sleep by essentially pinning him down next to me in bed.

I can’t co-sleep as I’m on heavy medication. If it’s just a developmental thing I suppose I’ll just have to grit my teeth until he learns to lie down again!

I lie him down, he pops straight back up

You need you get him to lie down on his own.

Stop lying him down, completely. This includes when putting him to bed at bedtime and nap time.

Put him in the cot awake and standing up at bedtime/nap time. Tap the matreess, say lie down, wait while pointedly looking at him. If he stays still, repeat: tap matreess, say lie down and wait while pointedly looking at him with stern-face. If he does something else instead of lying down (jumping for example) a firm No, place hand on him to still and repeat - tapping mattress, say lie down, wait.

Focus all your attention (and praise) on him lying down himself. Stop lying him down completely, always get him to do it himself, every time.

I’ll definitely give that a try Fate hopefully he will understand what he needs to do!

DD did this. Didn’t last long, but it was a compulsion. She was 9 months old. Just went with it. She didn’t do it if being cuddled in my bed.

My dad told me that I used to do it too. Back then there were sleeping bags with ties on the side so you could tie a baby down to their cot!

Thanks Titty I love a good cuddle but I’m not desperately keen on them at 4am when I have to stay awake then transfer him to the cot 40 mins later when he’s properly asleep!