11 months old frequent waking

[Gayu]

My DD s 11 months old ... She s not good sleeper from birth... After 4 th month I started co sleeping to handle frequent waking... I nursed her to sleep till 10 th month... She wakes every hour... So I decided to stop breastfeeding and I achieved it. She was doing good for 5 days ... She slept longer and wakes twice at night.. I ll give her formula...

Now again she started waking frequently... I m going mad... I can't make her cry to sleep train her. I tried all ways to give her sleep . I m giving her 4 times meal a day... Early bedtime... Making her tired.. not making her tired... Almost everything I ve done expect CIO.. I literally don't know what to do now... I m in level of hurting myself becoz I m so depressed.. my dh s helping me in first half of night... But still I feel low becoz I can't get her good sleep...

Plz help... I m sure this s not phase... Becoz 6 months of struggle is not phase... It's not teething she already got 6 teeth... It's not hungry becoz I ll give dinner half an hour before bed... It's not tummy ache becoz she calm when I pick her n rock..

Plz advice... Many comment abt my parenting... I agree I m bad mother who s looking for way to make her sleep... I m showing my frustration to her... Plz help

Her schedule
7 wake up
8 breakfast
10 nap for hour
11 fruits
1 lunch
2 nap for hour
5 snacks
7 dinner
8 bedtime

It's not becoz f diaper... I got overnight diaper... It's not becoz f temperature... I maintain it 70 ... N I wear fleece pajamas... I consult with pediatrician but only answer I get s sleep train.. I consulted sleep expert in tinyhood nothing works all involved crying... She cries a lot I can't do that...

Hi gayu, I’m afraid I’ve no advice to give as I’m in the same boat with a 9 month old and don’t want to sleep train either, but I just wanted to say you are not a bad Mum! Some people just get lucky with good sleepers, and some like us don’t, it’s not anything you have done wrong. I know it doesn’t help a lot but you need to stop blaming yourself. It sounds like you’ve tried everything but I hope someone can offer something useful for you

Hi gayu I remember seeing your posts when she was 10 months old. Unfortunately weaning off the breast isn’t the magic answer, my husband didn’t sleep through the night until he was two years old and was never breastfed and didn’t have a bottle for most of that time. Some babies are just like that. It’s really difficult but it will get better. Does she have any other form of comfort now you have stopped breastfeeding? The thing is what she is doing is normal for some babies albeit tough. Do you have a partner who can help you?

@BorahT thank you...
@crazycatlady5. Yes I ve partner to help during first half... I feel guilty stopping breastmilk as I thought it ll reduce the dependency.. after I stop breastmilk she goes to my husband... She gets back to sleep if I rock.. rocking all I do but she cries a lot on and off for an hour.. sometimes she gets bottle sometimes no... I m going crazy... Becoz f this I isolated myself from everything...

I hate myself... I hate everyone around... Every morning s hell to me... I should feel blessed to have baby... But I complain most of the time.. no one s ready to hear my pblm.. so writing in this forum soothe me a lot.

I understand how tiring it is as my 11 month old is the same - it’s really really hard but it IS normal. Can you go to bed earlier on the worst days? You sound really down, have you spoken to a doctor about it? X

You’re not a bad mother for responding to your babies needs.

Just a thought - IMO 7pm might be a bit late for tea? Maybe try tea at 5pm and give a bath at 7pm then bottle before bed.

I'm not a sleep expert BTW but this works for my DD same age. Sending flowers as I know how hard it can be

@crazycatlady5 ... Thank you so much... Yes I m really down... Doctors suggested only CIO... I think I should see doctor for me... Else I should accept this as fate... I hardly ve time for me..
@readyforapummelling ... Thank you ... Might b I ll give this last try and see how this works...

Yes I meant doctor for you, as sadly all doctors ever do is recommend CIO/CC for babies. Are you in the UK? Do you have a close support network?

@crazycatlady5 I m in US... No such support network...

Gayu - of course, you are not a bad mother if you have been doing everything to respond to your baby's needs. However, you will remain an equally good mother if you go the sleep training route. I know there are instances when "gentle" methods simply do not work. Some babies are more stubborn and loud than others. I know if I had been sleep training my 11.5 month old DD now, it would have involved a lot of crying. 11 months is almost toddlerhood and I can see more and more often how my smiley and giggly DD throws tantrums when she doesn't get what what she wants (e.g. to pull down on a Christmas tree or play with my boots I have just worn outside). There are no gentle methods (she does not get distracted easily although of course I try it first) and I often have to say "DD, no, thank you" and deal with the consequences (very loud and angry cries).

Sleep training a one year old must be much more difficult than saying no during the day. However, for your own sanity you may want to seriously consider all options before dismissing them immediately. WIth a 99.999% probability, there will be crying but some methods are gentler than others.

One thing I would definitely recommend is consulting a sleep trainer. The most common reasons why sleep training fails are (1) lack of consistency (you may think you are being consistent but your baby can spot differences in your behaviour) and (2) ignoring a genuine need (hunger, teething, ear infection, etc). I think it is always worth double and triple checking there are no external factors involved.

You will not find any credible research showing negative consequences of sleep training applied to babies over 6 months. CC opponents normally refer to one particular study that has shown elevated level of cortisol (Middlemiss) but it covered a tiny sample size of 25 babies and had numerous further flaws. Most of research showing lack of negative consequences from CC is much more sound. You may debate its effectiveness in the long run (3 years+) but in the short term it is proven to work.

Of course, I do not know what you will choose to do but I just wanted to outline the option that may be worth considering in more detail (even if you do eventually decide to dismiss it). I do not find comments "it will pass / please do not worry about it / my baby still wakes up 2/3/10 times a night" particularly helpful. Some people can survive on broken sleep for extended period of times. Others physically cannot. I would say it is worth spending time reviewing pros and cons of all options and making informed decisions.

All the best do you and your DD!

My DS was a crap sleeper. I too, thought I was going mad.

It's so hard.

Two things helped me:

1, reminding myself that millions of women have been through this and survived and I probably would too- basically reminding myself that I'm tougher than I think.

2, getting my DS moving. I got him one of those v- tech push along things. Used to take him to the park and have him push it about in the fresh air. Definitely improved his sleep.

You can do this, you don't think you can and you're so tired that it physically hurts, but you can do this!

@Gayu I’m sorry you don’t have a close support network. I’d definitely have a think about talking to a doctor about how you’re feeling (more so than about the baby). It can be a very emotional experience raising a child especially on lack of sleep, but you don’t have to let her cry herself to sleep.

Now that you don’t have breastfeeding to settle her, can your partner try to resettle in the night with a bottle? Can you take it in turns? Not sure if you’re still cosleeping? C

Lots of mama solidarity to you

@wintertravel1980... I tried sleep trainer but I don't feel good making baby cry... Even pu pd doesn't work on her... She cries rolling... anyways thanks for suggestion and valuable points... It's definitely relieving me...
@stuffstuffeverywhere might b I ll try taking her out... I rarely go out .. becoz I can't manage her ... If she s cranky I ll b upset... I ll give try going to park...I got v tech tricycle...
@crazycatlady5 thanks a lot... Yes I still co sleep... My partner ll rock her in first half.. baby s not taking bottle with him.. unless she s very upset with me..

@Gayu how many times have you tried daddy putting baby to bed? You might need to persevere - say try for 10 days and then give up if it doesn’t work. It will be hard for him as you’re the one who has done all the night wakings until now but if it works and helps you both in the long run it’s worth it

There’s a massive development leap (like a software download) usually between 10 and 12 months when they’re getting ready to walk.

Brain making all those new connections disrupts sleep. I personally just went with it until it was over. All of these things pass.

You don’t upgrade your computer with a hammer, which is basically what managing a sleep regression with CIO is to me.

tittygolightly
Untrue.
This leap happens when babies learn to walk but that's not always between 10-12 months .

Which is why I said usually. 🙄

@TittyGolightly she s doing this from 8 th month... I will wait for another month n see what can be done... Always some development s going on that's why she never slept more than an hour

Of course there is. It’s why most sleep “problems” are caused by unreasonable parental expectations.

@Gayu the first year is full of leaps and spurts. It’s so so tough, with you in spirit xx